Ali Qapu Hotel, Esfahan

...of our tour - the Ali Qapu.

===Iranian Hotels===
I hope they'll forgive me for saying it, but the Iranian hotel industry is a bit weird. Up until the overthrow of the Shah, Persia was a pretty great place to visit - lots of fun to be had, some of the best winemaking areas of the Middle East (sadly these days Shiraz is known for grapes rather than wine) and some of the friendliest and most hospitable, party-loving people you ...
...decidedly second rate hotels, the Ali Qapu was a rare treat - a hotel that you might actually choose to spend your money even if it weren't part of a pre-organised trip. Of course the great thing about the city of Esfahan is that even if you were staying in a spectacularly awful hotel, with cockroaches and smelly toilets, if you got sun-stroke and the raving ab-dabs, even with all those things you still couldn't fail to fall in love with the place ... more

In November 2006 I took a two-week tour to Iran and totally fell in love with the country. On my return I started a new job in a different part of the country and subsequently failed to write most of the reviews I'd intended to knock out when I got back. Having misplaced my note book all that time, I was really chuffed to find it again and so be able to write a few more reviews about this great country. So recognising the risk that inspiration or my notebook will desert me again, I thought I'd better start with one of the most wonderful cities - Esfahan - and the best hotel of our tour - the Ali Qapu.

Iranian Hotels

I hope they'll forgive me for saying it, but the Iranian hotel industry is a bit weird. Up until the overthrow of the Shah, Persia was a pretty great place to visit - lots of fun to be had, some of the best winemaking areas of the Middle East (sadly these days Shiraz is known for grapes rather than wine) and some of the friendliest and most hospitable, party-loving people you could ever hope to meet. Several decades later, the people are as great as ever (although undoubtedly forced to behave in a more restrained way under the current administration) but many of the hotels haven't moved on at all. We stayed in one hotel where the music playing in the frequently broken-down lift, was stuck in the 1970s with an orchestral rendition of a Carpenters medley and many looked as if they hadn't been decorated since the revolution.

Esfahan or Isfahan if you prefer

After several decidedly second rate hotels, the Ali Qapu was a rare treat - a hotel that you might actually choose to spend your money even if it weren't part of a pre-organised trip. Of course the great thing about the city of Esfahan is that even if you were staying in a spectacularly awful hotel, with cockroaches and smelly toilets, if you got sun-stroke and the raving ab-dabs, even with all those things you still couldn't fail to fall in love with the place - it's just heart-achingly beautiful.

I don't think it will count as plagiarism if I pinch an extract from my own review of Iran - for one thing I can't think of a better way to sum it up than I did before:
~ E is for Esfehan ~
One of the most beautiful cities on earth. Visitors will be exposed frequently to the famous quote 'Esfahan is half the world' - not that anyone seems too sure what that's supposed to mean but the best guess seems to be that half of everything worth seeing in the world is in Esfahan. It's home to the Imam Square - the world's second largest square (after Tianamen) which is ten times bigger than St Mark's in Venice and so pretty it makes your eyes water. Add to this some stunning palaces and museums, some mosques that have withstood 800 years of all that earthquakes and Scud missiles could throw at them and you've got a place you'll want to stay in forever - or until you've spent all your money.
Perhaps that's not the image of the country that comes through on the news - in fact, from memory, I think one of Iran's biggest nuclear research centres is not far from Esfahan so if George W loses his rag with Ahmedinajad, one of the world's finest, most beautiful and utterly spectacular cities is right in the firing line for a damned good flattening. I sincerely hope that never happens.

The Hotel

Firstly an explanation of the name. Ali Qapu is Azeri Turkish for 'Sublime Gate' and is the name of the palace on the Imam Square which was built for Shah Abbas in the late 16th/ early 17th Century. The palace was ceremonial - nobody actually lived there, it was just a party place - and it was used by the Shah to entertain his guests. There were music rooms where guests could flirt with dancing girls whilst musicians serenaded them in rooms with fabulous acoustics and there's a large balcony from which the royal family and their guests could watch teams playing polo in the square or possibly just sit around saying 'Would you look at what SHE's wearing'.

Our Ali Qapu wasn't so grand but was still very pleasant. No polo players, no dancing girls but plenty of facilities and very well located. The hotel is on Chaharbagh Avenue - literally 'Four Gardens' Avenue. At one end of the street near to the hotel, you'll find the famous (in as much as anything in Iran can be called famous) Si-oh-Seh Bridge with its thirty three arches (Si-oh-Seh means thirty three - I hope you are paying attention, there'll be a test later) and at the other, you'll be close to the really famous Imam Square and its architectural wonders.

Parking is a problem because Chaharbagh is a major thoroughfare - so when we arrived we were encouraged to throw ourselves off the coach like a bunch of SAS men (or possibly lemmings) leaping into action. The driver then parked up round the corner and the porters collected all our bags. From the outside it's a pretty standard looking hotel frontage with big glass doors leading into a very big lobby. The check-in desk is to one side and a row of small shops (curios, books, handicrafts) line the other side of the lobby as well as the far end. There are stairs leading down to the pizzeria and the main restaurant is through the lobby and at the back. Not surprisingly - this being Iran - there is no bar. Our tour guide checked us all in - the formalities were all sorted out in advance - gave us our keys and off we went to check out the rooms. As a good start, the lift worked and there was no music!

Our Room

Our room was of a good 'international standard' - in some ways it could have been anywhere in the world. There was a double bed with a bedside table with a light, telephone and a console to control the radio and the lights. The room was - for my liking - too hot and a bit airless. In addition to the bed there was a dressing table with a stool, two arm chairs and a coffee table, a minibar (no booze) and a TV (no remote control). Digging around in the cupboards and drawers we found all the usual little gizmos (shoe horn, polish, sewing kit) and the not so usual (prayer rug and a copy of the Koran).

The room was decorated with cream and gold striped wallpaper and burnt-orange coloured furnishings. It was pleasant in an innocuous sort of way. By contrast the bathroom was astonishing. I know that tiling is really expensive and a pain to change but I'm going to have to take a guess that this tiling pre-dated the revolution. Luckily, the old adage that if you wait long enough almost anything (with the possible exception of the 'mullet' hair cut) can become fashionable again, seems to be true. I wasn't sure whether to love the tiles or hate them but loving won out after the initial shock factor. The bathroom had a good sized sink unit, a loo and a bath with a wall mounted shower over. There were plenty of toiletries and a hair dryer.

Other hotel facilities

There are plenty of places to eat - in theory. In reality we stuck to the main restaurant because the pizzeria was closed and the '24 hour coffee shop' wasn't exactly Starbucks. At lunch or dinner the choice was OK by local standards - lots of kebabs, a ubiquitous fish that's always translated as trout but is a bit on the titchy size - various soups and the odd (and I mean odd) stews. If you don't eat meat, bring your own emergency rations. Food was served with quite a large selection of breads - one of which was almost edible. Let me just make a bit of an aside to berate the Iranians for their awful bread. I worked - just before going to Iran - for a bread ingredients company. Hence for several years I've tended to trot around the world taking photos of little artisan bakeries and happy smiling bakers turning out delicious hot bread. It's just something I do as a matter of habit. In Iran they have mastered the art of baking bread that comes straight out of the oven tasting as if it's already a week old. I suspect the problem is really lousy flour quality but if you have ever been tempted to go 'wheat free' for a fortnight, do it whilst you are on holiday in Iran and you won't feel like you are missing out.

Breakfast was generally pretty impressive with LOTS of choice but the eggs had seen better days and the filter coffee was dreadful.

The hotel offers money changing - IN THEORY. In practice they ran out of dosh and had none the entire time we were there. Which is a bit odd when you consider that no Iranian hotels accept credit cards (at least not foreign ones) so everything has to be paid for in cash. They also had a little internet café but the hours were very limited and it was closed on Fridays. I was on a challenge to not touch a computer for two weeks so I can't tell you what the quality or speed were like but I'd recommend not typing in "pornography", "alcohol" or "Israel" or the secret police could be round knocking on your door offering free accommodation in one of their luxurious 'hotels'.

In Summary

If you find yourself in Iran and get the chance to see Esfahan, be sure to take it. And in the unlikely event that you get any say in the choice of hotels (since tourists can pretty much only go with organised tours) the Ali Qapu is not a bad place to stay. The standard rate when we visited was $78 per night plus17% tax and services but I'd imagine it can be got for a lot less. 

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