Yes yes, I know I've written about Alton Towers before but that was several years ago now, the park's changed quite a bit since then and besides, I've got some new stuff to say. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue…
I like my theme parks me (did someone say "No sh*t Sherlock?") and I've always said that Alton Towers is easily the best theme parkin the UK, very possibly the best in Europe. So the question is, is it STILL the best? Or is there now a better one? Or have I just changed my mind? Read on dear viewer and I'll tell you. The answer to the first question is yes, I reckon this is still the best theme park in the country but the sad truth is it's hanging on to that title by the skin of its teeth, several other UK parks are determined to nab some of Alton's glory. At the current rate of expansion Thorpe Park down in Surrey could soon become the preferred destination for the hardened thrill-seeker and places like Drayton Manor, Oakwood Park and Flamingo Land all have high-profile, multi-million pound rollercoasters in the pipeline for the very near future.
However, for the time being at least, Alton Towers is still home to one of the best collections of rides & attractions outside of the States. The thing is, there's more to a theme park than just its rides. Things like friendliness, cleanliness, atmosphere and even good old fashioned value-for-money should also be part of the equation and it's these areas where Alton Towers seems to have lost its way over the years.
To say I'm a regular visitor is an understatement, I reckon I've been there on average twice a year since way back in 1984 and in that time I've seen the park grow and change almost beyond recognition. Yes, I've witnessed the installation of several world-class rides & rollercoasters and a major expansion of the park overall (the first time I went, the Black Hole was the latest ride!) but I've also been witness to Alton Towers losing some of the charm, some of the appeal and dare I say it, some of the magic that captured my imagination in the early years. Back in the Eighties, when Alton Towers was a privately owned enterprise, you would be warmly greeted by any member of staff who you came across. Daffodils would spell out the words 'Welcome To Alton Towers' in the grass verges of the entrance road. The park was always absolutely spotless, the rides and attractions kept in immaculate condition and blokes dressed as clowns or cartoon characters would wander round all day cuddling children and having photos taken with the guests. I think I've still got a picture of me with Talbot and Henry Hound somewhere, Alton Towers' two mascots. Aww. More importantly Alton Towers was always great value for money. That was part of the whole appeal - once you'd paid your entrance fee (which was the same price all year round) that was it, you wouldn't need any more dosh for rides and shows etc… just a few quid for grub and souvenirs. Car parking was free too. And speaking of food, all of the food points in Alton Towers were run by the park itself, loads of different stuff, Alton Eats they called them and they did the best doughnuts in the world. The turkey
kebabs were pretty mean too…
Anyway my point is, all of that has now gone. Nowadays when you drive up the entrance road, rather than be greeted by daffodils in the verges and giant cuddly dogs you are confronted by a big, red and rather unfriendly sign that says 'CAR PARKING £3'. Or, if you prefer to park nearer the main gate you can choose the VIP car park but that'll cost you 6 quid. Meanwhile, Talbot and Henry have long since been handed their P45's.
Then one day Alton Towers suddenly decided to adopt an off-peak & peak pricing system, which a couple of years later was replaced by a 3-tier system (peak, standard and off-peak)meaning that the admission price could be anywhere between 22 and 28 quid. Finally, they added a premium day to the list which was for the firework nights and certain weekends in the summer holidays and that was priced at around £30. Needless to say the cheaper priced off-peak days were few and far between. You see what I'm getting at here? I think the turning point came in the early 1990's when Alton Towers was sold to the Tussaud's Corporation. All of a sudden the park was no longer somebody's family-owned pride & joy but a huge, corporate-run money machine. Consequently additional charges and price increases started appearing left, right and centre. Not just at the entrance gate either, ride photographs for example shot up from a very reasonable £2.50 each to a whopping £4.95 in the space of a couple of years. A small hot dog will now cost you £3. A pretty naff hot dog at that. Supplementary attractions like the Kentucky Derby or the basketball hoops are 2 quid a pop and some of the kiddie things like the climbing wall or the trampolines can be 4 or 5 quid! So hang on - it's free to ride the £15 million rollercoaster but it's a fiver to jump on a trampoline for 3 minutes?? Go figure. . .
And in keeping with the whole corporation thing, one year (about 1998 I think) most of the Alton Eats food stalls were replaced by McDonald's, Pizza Huts and KFC's. Call me old fashioned but shouldn't the goodies and tasty treats in a theme park be stuff that you CAN'T get on any old high street? I think so.
It also has to be said that the standard of park maintenance has steadily been going downhill recently too, it just doesn't seem to be as spotless as it once was. Nothing major, just little things like the pink waterfalls in the Nemesis pit not working, the cable-car Skyride or the monorail breaking down, the Corkscrew looking rusty and tatty or the smoke & mist effects on Oblivion being out of action. And it doesn't matter which way you cut it, a rubbish bin overflowing with Big Mac™ boxes does absolutely nothing for a park's image.
So with all that in mind, what does the future hold for the Staffordshire theme park? Can it turn itself round and become the charming day out it used to be or will it continue down the slippery slope of falling standards and greedy corporate bosses? Well, we'll have to wait and see won't we. What I can tell you (according to some of the unofficial Towers websites) is that at the close of the 2004 season, following a steady decline in attendance figures over the last few years, some of Alton Towers top level managers were given the boot and the remainder were given extensive re-training, along with most of the park staff. Apparently this re-training has been focused primarily on park maintenance and customer service so maybe… just maybe, things could be about to get better.
Alton Towers is now fully open for the 2005 season and so far (fingers crossed!), thing's are looking good. All the rides are up and running smoothly, the pink 'bloodfalls' are all working, all the lawns are mowed, Corkscrew and many of the other rides have had a brand new paint job and new automated ticket machines have dramatically reduced the often lengthy queue times at the main entrance. I've even seen some of the park staff actually smiling recently and seemingly enjoying their job!
Remember in my last review when I had a moan about the state of the Log Flume, saying that the much-loved old ride was badly in need of a clean-up or a revamp? Well somebody at AT must have been reading because last year that's exactly what it got. Gone are the rustic old log boats and in their place are funky new bathtubs, with taps and power-showers lining the course, a groovy theme tune in the new loading station and a whole rubber-duck / bathtime vibe going on. Not bad as revamps go, could have been better - there's still a long section of the course where bugger-all happens but it's still a damn sight better than it was.
I've also been known to have a bit of a moan about certain areas of the park (mainly in the middle) lacking anything of real interest, anything of substance, meaning that you have to walk for miles from one end of the park to the other to get to the good stuff with very little to keep you entertained in between. However that problem has been alleviated, at least partially, by the addition of Spinball Whizzer which opened in 2004. Billed as a 'family ride that everyone will enjoy', Spinball Whizzer is a spinning rollercoaster which, while not exactly 'white-knuckle', is still an absolute hoot and has brought some much needed interest to a previously redundant section of the park.
Further reinforcing my claim that someone at Tussaud's read my last opinion is the fantastic news that Alton Towers have SCRAPPED the off-peak/peak pricing structure for the 2005 season, opting instead for a year-round flat rate of £28 per adult when paying at the main entrance. Granted, that price is a little nearer the old 'peak' price than it is to the old 'off peak' price but at least you know where you stand. Also available is a 'thrill-seeker' ticket which, for an extra £2 will gain you admission to the park and priority ride passes for 4 of the big thrill-rides or a 'fun-seeker' ticket which is the same principle but gives you priority access to 4 of the more family-orientated rides instead. Those wishing to splash out can also choose a VIP ticket which includes use of the VIP car park, 4 ride passes and an on-ride photo or key ring and is priced at £36. However, each of those ticket prices is respectively £3 cheaper if you pre-book via the internet (www.altontowers.com) or telephone, meaning that standard entry will be only £25 instead. Ok so it's still not quite bargain of the century but the overall change to a much simpler pricing structure is a very welcome one. All they've got to do now is scrap the parking charge…..
However, the really big news for this year is the unveiling of a brand new, £8 million 'accelerator' coaster which catapults riders from a standing start to 100kph in just 2.5 seconds. Yes you read that correctly, 0 - 100 in 2.5 seconds! Alton Towers are claiming that 'Rita - Queen of Speed' is their best ride ever and is a worthy addition to its legendary line up of Air, Nemesis and Oblivion. Personally I don't think it's quite that good (how many rides are?) but Rita is still one serious piece of kit. It pulls
Pictures of Alton Towers (England)
Rita's entrance.
a whopping 4.7G on take-off, features a couple of intense 'airtime' hills which threaten to lift you clean out of your seat and has some great dragster / hot-rod style theming, including smoke, screeching tyre sound effects and a traffic-light countdown to launch. It's an absolute scream and that explosive launch really does take your breath away. Not only that, being located in Ug-Land has meant that Rita has drawn some attention away from Forbidden Valley and the morning-rush towards Air and Nemesis resulting in a more even distribution of crowds throughout the park. Great news!
It's a sad fact of life that while new and exciting rides are continually being installed at the Staffordshire park, some of the older and less popular rides have to removed to make room for them and this year we have to wave a fond farewell to The Black Hole. After 21 years of service the theme park's famous coaster-in-the-dark has finally been retired due to slow loading times (and therefore, long queues) and high maintenance costs. What the Black Hole will be replaced with remains to be seen but, if you're reading this Alton Towers, can we have one of those 3D, special-effects laden dark rides like The Amazing Spiderman at Universal Studios in Orlando please?? Ta very much! Also on the eviction list this season is the 'Boneshaker'. Having spent last season in position but not operating, the old stomach-churner has now been removed completely but fans of the ride needn't despair - the rumour mill currently has the Boneshaker re-appearing at Chessington World of Adventures in the not too distant future.
But enough of dwelling on old retired rides and moaning about high prices, let's talk about the good stuff. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Alton Towers is home to three of the finest rollercoasters on the planet. Legendary - that's the only word to describe Nemesis. Back in 1994 this incredible machine completely redefined what rollercoasters were capable of and many people believe that Alton Towers owes much of its success to this single ride. It may be over 10 years old now, it may have been dwarfed in size by other coasters around the world in terms of height, length, speed, number of loops etc etc… but few can match the sustained intensity of hurtling through Nemesis' canyons and ravines with only inches to spare on either side. Awesome, just awesome. Then there's the mighty Oblivion. If Nemesis is an exhilarating blast of pure adrenalin, then Oblivion is the personification of utter terror. Everything about this ride is precision engineered to scare the hell out of you, from the cautionary announcements informing you that you may DIE while riding and the deep, rumbling sound of giant turbines being pumped discreetly into the queue line to the ominous, matt-black paint job, this 200ft vertical drop monster takes no prisoners. In its first few years of operation, Oblivion was consistently voted the most frightening ride on Earth and even now, seven years later, only two other parks in the world have had the balls to buy another one. Ride it if you dare! Completing the triple-whammy of world-class coasters is AIR, or Aerial Inverted Ride for the anoraks among you. When I first rode AIR I said it was disappointing, that it wasn't as fast or exciting as its older brothers but looking back I think I missed the point. This isn't supposed to be a break-neck, hell for leather thrill ride, it's designed to offer a graceful, liberating feeling of un-powered flight, one that swoops and glides in a smooth, fluid motion and doesn't hurl you around in unexpected directions or flip you over in violent loops. For the best ride experience, spend the extra 10 minutes or so queuing for the front seat and instead of hanging on for dear life, just let go, let your arms dangle, relax into the (extremely comfortable) harness, sing the Superman theme tune if necessary and just forget that you're on a rollercoaster at all. It works, trust me! It's one of my favourite rides now and I take back everything I said about it in my first review.
For my money, those three rides alone always make Alton Towers a worthwhile trip and with its arsenal of other high quality rides and attractions to back them up - The Runaway Train, The Rapids, Ripsaw, Submission, Haunted House, Hex, The Flume and now Spinball Whizzer & Rita, it's kinda hard to find a reason not to pay a visit. However that doesn't mean Alton Towers should rest on its laurels, it shouldn't let standards slip and it shouldn't continue to bleed visitors dry. The theme park industry is a competitive game and the only way Alton Towers will remain at the top is by keeping a very close eye on its prices, not just the admission price but things like ride photographs, T-shirts, a cup of coffee, a hot dog and all the sundry attractions within the park. If they can do that, keep the park clean & tidy and continue to invest in new and exciting ride technologies then the future looks rosy for Britain's favourite theme park. If not, well. . .
As I said earlier, the season has started well and 2005 looks like being the park's best year for a while but there is still room for some improvement. Some of the prices are still a bit steep, the hot dogs are still a bit naff and there's still quite a few empty spaces around the park that look like they should have a ride or some sort of attraction in them. Ug-Land for example, despite being the home of Rita, actually only has 3 rides in it and two of them are duds (Corkscrew and Ug-Swinger). Now that the Black Hole has gone, X-Sector only has 3 rides too and again, one of them is a dud (Enterprise). I reckon Alton Towers' next move should be to install a few smaller rides, perhaps 2 or 3 per season and fill up some of the vacant plots before embarking on their next mammoth rollercoaster project. That might help to disperse the crowds and soak up some of the queues a bit more. And while they're at it, they could bring back Talbot and Henry. And for God's sake Alton Towers, scrap the parking charge!
Whatever they do, Spike will be watching…
***UPDATE*** I TOLD you they were reading - as from June 2005 Henry Hound has returned to Alton Towers! After a 12 year absence, everyone's favourite cuddly pooch is back! Forget Rita, this is the best news for Alton Towers fans in years! They still haven't scrapped the parking charge though....
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Apr 3rd, 2005
(Sep 18th, 2005)
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