Barbados Beach Club, Oistins

...available, we decided on The Barbados Beach Club near Oistins on the South Coast of the Island. The lastminute.com price of £1800, kids being free, for a 2 weeks stay for an "all inclusive break" within a "family friendly" 3 star hotel we felt was a deal not to be missed. Thus we immediately booked our "Superior Deluxe" accommodation with adjoining rooms safe in the knowledge that the facilities available would more ...
...14th April we landed on Barbados soil at the Grantly Adams International Airport at 3pm Bajan time (5 hours behind G.M.T.) enveloped in a comfortable 30 degrees heat. A temperature that I knew would ensure that most of the contingent from this flight would be lying gingerly on their beds by the following evening caked from head to toe in Hawaiian Tropical Aloe Vera After-Sun Gel whilst wishing they hadn't purchased the low protection factor Bronzing ... more

Rooms 113
Rating 3 Star/2 Star (depending on who's classifying it!)
Type Hotel
Address Maxwell Coast Road, Oistins, Christ Church
City Oistins
Country Barbados
County Christ Church

In August 2005 my wife was offered the chance to be Maid of Honour at her best friends wedding set for April 16th, 2006, on the beautiful Island of Barbados. If I had been selfish I would have insisted that she go by herself whilst I gorged myself on the joys of parenthood but I knew that it would have killed her to be away for 2 weeks alone on some Caribbean sun soaked beach with waves lapping over her feet as she sauntered across the unspoilt white sands whilst sipping Pina Colada. For her sake then I insisted that we make it the next family holiday. She was obviously over the moon with this idea and didn't see any hidden agenda although strangely my coffee did have a bizarre after taste for a number of days and for a short while going to the toilet became a decidedly ominous experience.

After careful scrutiny of the options available, we decided on The Barbados Beach Club near Oistins on the South Coast of the Island. The lastminute.com price of £1800, kids being free, for a 2 weeks stay for an "all inclusive break" within a "family friendly" 3 star hotel we felt was a deal not to be missed. Thus we immediately booked our "Superior Deluxe" accommodation with adjoining rooms safe in the knowledge that the facilities available would more than meet the needs of me, my better half, my 3 year old son and six year old daughter.

The all inclusive deal covered meals, a never ending supply of beverages, a generous bar side pool, a mini golf course, a tennis court, beach volley ball facilities, water-sports opportunities, a gym, nightly entertainment and three on site restaurants; All this in a hotel with direct beach access being only 15 minutes from the Islands Capital of Bridgetown and 15 minutes from the Airport. We thought we had struck gold.

The Virgin Trans-Atlantic flight over is a different review, suffice to say I was the one, yet again, who's in-flight entertainment offered a very dodgy screen coupled with a headphone socket that ensured a high volume of static or no sound at all....still Spongebob Squarepants remains a point of hilarity even when mute and the convenient seat placement ensured that I met many new people whilst they waited with crossed legs and heavy sighs for a toilet facility so small that even my daughter had to reverse into to ensure successful "touchdown."

So on the 14th April we landed on Barbados soil at the Grantly Adams International Airport at 3pm Bajan time (5 hours behind G.M.T.) enveloped in a comfortable 30 degrees heat. A temperature that I knew would ensure that most of the contingent from this flight would be lying gingerly on their beds by the following evening caked from head to toe in Hawaiian Tropical Aloe Vera After-Sun Gel whilst wishing they hadn't purchased the low protection factor Bronzing Lotion the previous day from the same manufacturer. Oh the irony.

The first impression of The Barbados Beach Club is that it is a very big pink building and you can't help but wonder whether there was a cheap excess stock of this shade that the frugal owners took advantage of. The second impression is that you have entered a foyer and reception area that could easily pass for a tropical theme night at the local 70's disco with mirrored ceiling tiles, potted palm plants and floral patterned sofa's. The third impression is one that comes to you shortly after being curtly greeted at the reception being one of losing a pound and finding a Bajan cent.

It transpired that the "family friendly" part of the resort hadn't actually been fully built yet (being across the road) but equivalent rooms were available on this site.

So after initial reservation on our reservations the review reads thus:

~The Room~
Our "Superior Deluxe" equivalent became a ground floor pool side air conditioned room with two double beds (doing wonders for romance), a bedside table, a dilapidated fridge, a questionably rickety set of draws, a built in mirrored wardrobe echoing the genre of '80's MFI value furniture and an off-shot bathroom.

Space in the room was definitely at a premium for a family of four (approx. 18 foot by 10 foot) and the off-shot bathroom being a mirror backed sink basin unit, corner secreted toilet and a bath/shower combination was minimal in size and style. The shower also provided an added surprise element in that it randomly spurted boiling jets of water onto already well cooked skin. My children are now going through deep trauma counselling just to help them say the word "hot" without breaking into a profusion of sweats.

The air conditioning system also provided additional and unexpected entertainment value in that its casing had the ability to fall onto my children whilst they slept below....the response from maintenance?? "What had you done to it?"

We requested a room change but after 3 days of no alternative being offered we decided to do the British thing and grin and bear it, besides, the children had got close to the moulded plastic garden furniture on the terrace and I particularly enjoyed the voyeuristic tendencies of other hotel guests from the poolside.

~The Restaurants~
Both the Searock Restaurant and the hotels Italian restaurant offered fantastic cuisine in relatively comfortable and sedate settings. Unfortunately guest were restricted to a maximum of 2 visits per week to The Searock and 1 per week to the Italian having to be booked in advance through Guest Services. In addition, the premium food on offer including lobster, steak and shrimp warranted a premium payment as such delicacies were not included in the "all inclusive" package.

~The Buffet Restaurant~
The place where the masses would gather for their all inclusive top up. The space was surrounded by netting to reduce the invasion of local birds into the area though I often unwittingly found myself sharing my morsels with a local feathered species. The small caged enclosure in the corner of the restaurant added extra value to this experience where a dozen chicks were housed much to the delight of my children. Thankfully the cage and its incumbents were removed after the first few days after more than a couple of requests from guests fearing bird flu.

Breakfasts were great offering a wide range of options including egg (scrambled, fried, omelettes), bacon, sausages, hash browns, mackerel, rice (?), pancakes, muffins, beans, Danish pastries, corned beef (?), toast, fruit juices, fruit and tea and coffee.

Lunches and evening meals were often hit and miss depending on the "theme day." The American theme day was one to miss as the fries were "waxy," burgers were "grey" and the hotdogs sausages would often require exploration of an Indiana Jones level to locate them within the vast hotdog rolls. The West Indian theme food hit the nail on the head with saltfish, ackee, mutton, rice, plantain, flying fish to name a few. What is certain is that desserts were well avoided as most would contain a level of gelatine so vast that it would require painstaking extraction from a herd of 50 cows just to make one blueberry pie.

Afternoon tea consisted of miniature scones, shortbread style biscuits and tiny sandwiches. We often closed our eyes and played "I'll guess that food-type." How we laughed when we realised that there was no distinguishing textural or flavour deviation between any of these foods.

Further note: Breakfast started at 7.30...if you wanted a coffee or tea before then you would be up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

~The Bar~
It was free! However, avoid Banks draft lager for if you said they were as flat as a pancake, the pancake would feel misjudged.

~The Pool~
On the positive side it gradually sloped from 1 metre to 2.5 metres over a 25 metre length, entry was safe and it was cleaned every morning.

On the downside...you didn't want to go in there after 5pm because a silt-like scum would build up around the edges of the shallow end. Also, it was not wise to dip your head under the water in the pool at any time as it appeared that "swimmers ear," a condition that causes short term loss of hearing as well as a lot of discharge and pain, was rampant amongst regular pool dippers.

~The Staff~

Reception Staff: Bit of a mixed bunch really ranging from couldn't care less to really cared. However, the latter type seemed to transform themselves into the former type when you questioned their authority.

Restaurant Staff/Bar: Absolutely fantastic. They couldn't do enough for us or our children and they are a great advertisement for their Island.

Housekeeping Staff: Ditto the above. The rooms were kept very clean on a daily basis and these staff were considerate and able to make a pig sty appear palacial.

Housekeeping Management:
Rude, abrupt and unprofessional.
Scenario 1: When the HM asked for the ironing board and iron back from my room and I informed her that it had already been taken she proceeded to open the wardrobe in a bid to find the non-existent stashed missing items.
Scenario 2: When my wife accidentally burned the ironing board the HM tried to charge us $25 Bajan for a replacement. When I asked her about hotel insurance she informed me that this situation wasn't covered for. I suggested that they get better insurance.

Maintenance Staff: "What have you done to it?" (Nothing more to say).

~The Entertainment~
It was not helpful that our room was poolside in that on the opposite side of said pool the nightly live entertainment would persist from 8pm- midnight. I am sure that this aspect of the hotels provision would be more welcomed by couples without young children. Unfortunately, for us, it caused untold tantrums and tears....and then there was the children problems to deal with. The best night was Thursdays as the steel band was fantastic and was definitely the highlight of the 2 weeks entertainment. The karaoke, however was absolutely awful in that the karaoke presenters would sing if none of the guests volunteered. I use the word "sing" in the widest possible sense. Part of me thinks that their bad singing was deliberate so that volunteers would rush to the stage to grasp the microphone from them at the earliest opportunity for everyone's sake, but in truth, I believe that they were deluded to the point that they thought that they deserved a spot in Vegas....maybe they did but not on the stage.

~Security~
Safes are available in each of the rooms but require a $99 Bajan deposit and also warrant a daily extra rental cost of $2 Bajan. Be warned though that the management do not have the capacity to entrust a very senior employee with a master key so if you lose your key you will be charged $358 Bajan to enable "safe crackers" to drill the lock out and replace. When a guest lost his keys this charge was enforced to the point that initial refusal from the guest attracted the formal attention of the police being invited to the hotel.

~The Hotel Beach~
An extremely beautiful and easily accessible beach though a little on the short side being around 100 metres in length. Guests do have access to free sun loungers and parasol's yet it is a bit of a lottery whether you receive such items worthy of their initial purpose. The sea was fantastic though a little bit too active for my kids requiring extra vigilant monitoring of Super Daddy proportions. The volley ball net looked like it had seen better days and It's lack of use appeared to justify this opinion. I never saw any evidence of organised beach games nor Scuba Diving lessons though they were offered on the brochure.

My conclusion: This place is definitely better suited to those without children and who define themselves as "sun worshippers." For me, looking for a family friendly resort, this hotel, after a couple of days became a "base camp" only as the facilities and the standard of the hotel did not warrant daily attention beyond the breakfast and evening meal.

I think it would be highly advisable that the following opportunities are exercised by the owners in the short term:
1) Put more chlorine in your pool - or is it less?? Anyway "Sort it out!"
2) Don't advertise "family friendly" facilities that you don't offer.
3) Swap your management staff with the restaurant and housekeeping staff over.
4) Replace the volley ball net on the beach.
5) Provide sun loungers and umbrellas that do not appear to have been the victims of a major hurricane.
6) Look into refurbishment of the shabby bar area, buffet dining area and pool areas as there is not much more paint left to peel off.
7) Sort out your plumbing.
8) Consider a different line of business.

Top tips for tourists braving this hotel:

• a deposit of $30 Bajan dollars is required to get a single fresh beach towel each day. Rent 1 then when you return it to get a fresh one for the next day take 2, the next ...take 3 and so on..they don't notice....so I've been told.
• Use the FREE safe available to guests that is situated behind the reception (Note it is not well advertised).
• Buy the jewellery out of Bathsheba on the North East Coast...it is much cheaper and much better quality.
• Insist on a room with some privacy. i.e. Not ground floor poolside. 

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