Best Western Astor Metropole Hotel & Apartments, Brisbane

My girlfriend and I stayed at the Worst Western Astor Metropole Hotel and Apartments for one "god forsaken" night.

Never again...

Some of the "fun" that we encountered:

1) Staff that couldn't speak conversational English.

2) Slow lifts (that we believe were operated by arthritic monkeys pulling on ropes and pulleys).

3) No assistance in locating our room ...
...
4) No free champagne / chocolates (as advertised with our booking) and when my girlfriend asked about them, she was ushered back and forth between two reception areas, and was finally abruptly told "will you just take a seat and wait?".

5) The rooms were appalling, with: chipped paint; exposed chipboard in the bathroom; leftover "hair" from a previous guest in the bathroom; a wall-mounted hair dryer that ... more

My girlfriend and I stayed at the Worst Western Astor Metropole Hotel and Apartments for one "god forsaken" night.

Never again...

Some of the "fun" that we encountered:

1) Staff that couldn't speak conversational English.

2) Slow lifts (that we believe were operated by arthritic monkeys pulling on ropes and pulleys).

3) No assistance in locating our room (the building is like an evil M.C. Escher painting).

4) No free champagne / chocolates (as advertised with our booking) and when my girlfriend asked about them, she was ushered back and forth between two reception areas, and was finally abruptly told "will you just take a seat and wait?".

5) The rooms were appalling, with: chipped paint; exposed chipboard in the bathroom; leftover "hair" from a previous guest in the bathroom; a wall-mounted hair dryer that appeared to be a relic of the cold war; a television (with woeful reception) on a cupboard (you could watch by raising your head to about 75 degree angle) with no remote control (you could change channels on tippy toes; a brilliant window view of a wall; sounds of other guests all around (we shared their love); Cracks in the window glass; stains in the carpet (actually stains everywhere).

6) Had to pay to park our car on-site (this was a new one for us), in a car-compactor (which was operated by a rude non-English speaking Eastern European).

7) Despite asking for a late check-out (it was after New Years), we had a cleaner come in early and ask us why we were still there.

8) The free champagne / chocolates, which did eventually arrive, weren't worth the hassle (faux "maltesers" and some "one step up from a cask wine" champagne).

9) The corridors were so small, that upon trying to leave the building on the check-out day, we were trapped behind a staff member who was removing luggage from a suitcase trolley into a storage area - he didn't even stop to let us by, or apologise for keeping us waiting.

10) Upon check-out we were billed for the car park, and I handed over a $10 note, yet the staff member only gave me back change upon my request.

11) The car compactor operator on the morning came to help me retrieve my car, and informed me, that: they sometimes get cars stuck in the machine for up to 2 days; that he had finished his shift at 5am that morning, and was back because several of the staff called in sick (he informed me that "heads would roll").

Despite escaping the clutches of this establishment, we sadly realised that we had left an unopened bottle of vodka in the fridge. My girlfriend called and asked if it had been found, to which the lady on the phone laughed at her, and then gave us a feeble attempt at looking for it (we assume), before telling us "nothing has been handed in for lost property from today".

One finally thought, when we returned at about 1am from the New Year celebrations, we witnessed another guest trying to explain how upset she was, because she had returned to find her room was still unlocked (a problem she had raised with management earlier at check-in), despite being assured it would be fixed that evening.

All in all, a good time was had by all. 

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