(Please forgive my attempt at an innuendo!)

Well, since I gave my review of The Narrow this morning (and thanks to everybody who gave me ratings and feedback), I thought I might as well recall my first Gordon Ramsay experience at the Boxwood Café.

INTRODUCTION

It was my 27th birthday earlier this year, and particularly because of a stressful work situation and a non-life I decided to treat myself to fine dining. I was particularly keen on Ramsay as I've been a fan of his for over a year. I also voluntarily went by myself to the restaurant.

The Boxwood Café is situated in the Berkeley Hotel in Knightsbridge, which immediately gives you an idea of the price bracket this restaurant commands (if the fact it's a Gordon Ramsay restaurant hasn't given it away). However, my contacts at lastminute.com hooked me up with another set menu offer.

You can get to the Boxwood Café via public transport easily enough, but you might have to keep your eye out for it or you'll walk past it.

THE VENUE

The word that immediately sprang to mind when thinking of how to describe Boxwood: grand. From the moment you step inside you know you're in a high-end restaurant.

The seating area, if I remember correctly, is a floor down from the reception. It's a fairly small dining room, with mirrors on the walls to create a sense of space, and all of the tables were furnished with white cloth. The lighting was very dim, turning the room into a purpley-brown colour, which meant I had some difficulty seeing things, and became indecisive of where to look.

General observation of the clientele: I wasn't aware of any dress code for Boxwood, but the other people in the restaurant had dolled themselves up considerably. I was sat next to a table with two women, obviously friends, and when I looked over at them they seemed to be absorbed in the prestige of the restaurant, almost hoity-toity.

THE SERVICE

I had let the restaurant know, at the time of booking, that it would be a birthday dinner for myself. I didn't really expect anything from it, although some acknowledgement would have been nice (and possibly a freebie - yeah right). On entering the restaurant I was greeted by the staff, who acknowledged that it was my birthday. Which was nice.

Anyhow, I remember being served at the table by a slightly charming Antipodean woman, who gave me some pointers with aspects of the set menu. I thought it was great to be able to have a quick chat with the staff, particularly as I was on my own. There were times when I felt a little abrasiveness, but at the end of the day they're there to serve guests, not flirt.

The service, on the whole, was a little more than I'd expected from my idea of fine dining. It wasn't nearly as harsh or elitist as I'd originally thought.

THE FOOD

To begin with I was presented with some warm small rolls (I can't remember what they're called, they look like mini baguettes) with a choice of butter and some very salty, fishy-tasting butter-like spread. I found out later that the fishy paste was actually hummus - not from the waiting staff, but from eavesdropping on another table's conversation.
You can tell the difference between the hummus and the butter, even under the low light: the hummus is slightly darker and speckled.

The set menu had three options for starter, main and dessert: typically a vegetarian, a pescatarian (fish) and red meat option.

For the started I opted for gravlaks. I'd first heard of gravlaks from the Christmas special that Delia Smith did years and years ago (hol' tight everyone who remembers it!), but had no idea how it would taste. Besides, it said "salmon gravlaks" on the menu, and in my book anything that had salmon in it couldn't be bad.
It turns out that gravlaks is basically a flavoured smoked salmon, served with a sauce and some bread.

I'm no foodie, and perhaps I've watched too much Top Chef, but I could tell from just tasting the salmon that it was very fresh. I'd never had fresh smoked salmon before, and the difference between the stuff I have had and the gravlaks was - in the words of Ramsay - night and day. The only problem I had with the starter was that there wasn't nearly enough of it.

Then we have the main course...

I don't remember exactly what the other two options were, but there was nothing that appealed to my palate whatsoever - so I went with that sounded like the most obvious choice, a hanger steak dish.

For those who have no idea what hanger steak is - and I don't blame you - here's a definition from dictionary.reference.com:

"a cut of beef similar to flank or skirt steak in texture and rib-eye in flavor and from the diaphragm that hangs between the last rib and the loin."

Basically it's a very chewy bit of meat!

In fairness, the nice waitress warned me that the hanger steak (I called it "hanged steak" in my previous review) wasn't like a regular steak, and that it was best cooked medium-rare or something to that effect.

But I had to say that I didn't like the dish at all, which was served with some kind of sweet mash if I remember correctly. Besides being very chewy and hardly edible, the spicy rub on the meat didn't was initially a pleasant accompaniment but soon became a nuisance. It was very disappointing, especially since the starter was so good!

Things picked up for dessert, however, when I chose the Eton mess. I'd never had Eton mess before, and I had absolutely no idea what to expect - but I was blown away by my first mouthful. Again, the ingredients in the dessert were fresh: you could taste the freshness in both the strawberries and the cream, although I suspect that the meringue was ready-made.
Despite the very small glass that the Eton mess came in, there was just enough of the dessert to be satisfying, but again I wanted more.

THE BILL

The three courses from the set menu, if I remember correctly, came to £40 (including VAT) before the "discretionary" service charge. I had also opted for a bottle of sparkling water rather than a celebratory wine, but wasn't impressed with the £4 price tag at the end. Still, it's not like there was a Tesco nearby.

I thought the food was reasonably priced, even if the range was very limited - and in the case of the main course options, not very exciting.

THE VERDICT

The thing about fine dining experiences is that it's not so much about getting full as it is about the socialising, the air-kissing and the prestige of being at such an expensive venue. The general idea is that the food is a conversation piece, and is there to be savoured, rather than wolfed down.

The Boxwood Café - in my humble opinion - is a good restaurant to go to if you're part of a group of at least four people. It comes across as being too high-end for couples on a date or a romantic night out, and one would feel incredibly self-conscious (as I did) going on their own.

If you're lucky enough to have them offered, I would highly recommend the gravlaks and the Eton mess. If their set menu main courses were more enticing and less limited, I would go back for a second round in an instant. As it is, I would give the Boxwood Café a 4 out of 5.