Contrary to popular belief, Brighton is not a relaxing, cultured or enthralling destination. Far be it from me to suggest that Brighton is a tacky and decadent city, but it is. If one travels by train then the disappointment starts in the very early stages as you indulge yourself in the pleasure of travelling with bastard rail - I apologise, British Rail. What a marvellous company they are, beyond parallel in their incompetence and ineptitude. I would have got up to complain to someone about the fact you have to wear night vision goggles when using the toilet but that would have resulted in me losing my seat as British Rail seem to have the same skills of calculating seats for people as the builders of the Titanic did for lifeboats. Nevertheless, one must endure and soldier on.
Apparently one of the key locations to visit is the famous Brighton Pier, famous for its wonderful array of facilities and entertainment which must be said with a certain generosity of spirit. However, in my opinion it’s fame somewhat differs from reality. I would strongly recommend that you steer clear of the arcade. Unless of course you enjoy having bright red and yellow lights blasted at your face repeatedly to the extent where your eyes start to bleed or having screaming noises penetrate though your ears until your brain begins to haemorrhage. However, things do marginally improve if you manage to escape the depths and reach the main section of the pier itself. Emerging victorious you will find yourself on the wooden decking trapped behind infuriating geriatrics all saying, “Ooh, isn’t the weather lovely”, or amongst hordes of bustling delinquents all queuing to humiliate themselves as they try to ride the bucking buffalo. It would seem that everyone on Brighton Pier has an irresistible attraction to chronic human folly. Alas, I find myself as one of them. Laughing hysterically as yet another falls onto the faded crash mats. To be fair I must concede to the fact that I did enjoy hurtling myself around in the dodgems, smashing against my companions in a fashion very reminiscent of the Blues Brothers. However, unless you own half of Yorkshire I very much doubt that you can spend any considerable length of time here, as the cost of the rides is similar to the cost of a divorce. I would recommend neither to you.
Unfortunately cost is something that will cause an increasing predicament for any visitor. If you are running on a small budget then I strongly recommend that you dine at Kensington’s. Prices are low, yet quality is high. Regrettably, unless you're carrying a map and compass, your chances of locating Kensington’s are pretty low as it is tidily secluded in a concealed back street. I must admit though, my suspicion of how they could provide such good cheap food began to grow when I happened to glance at my fork which had “hospital property” scrawled in the handle.
Another apparent must see on the agenda is the Royal Pavilion, the magnificent and epic edifice that shadows Brighton. Unfortunately this marvellous construction doesn’t seem to have much continuity with its surroundings. It is like having a leper give you a facial. It doesn’t really work. Unfortunately I cannot really comment on the interior as I did not venture inside as a result of an £8.50 charge to walk around rooms described on their website as having “daring and inventive colours feature throughout”, which a friend commented is just a euphemism for “blind child decorated the rooms” and I was not willing to part with my money to see that. However, I took much pleasure in lazing in the grounds for free eating some wondrous Brighton rock and then having a coronary from the sugar overdose.
Pictures of Brighton in general
Lovely, isn't it?
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Dec 24th, 2008
(Jan 27th, 2009)
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