Well, here we are. Where are we? Oh, sorry, you're not all with us are you as my hubby and I embark on the first week of our honeymoon. We are in Jamaica and will be spending the first week at Couples, Ochos Rios.
Having booked our transfers at the Couples desk on Montego Bayairport (there'll be an op on the airport shortly) we are whisked to a waiting minibus (via two porters and two expensive tips…. (tipping can be a bit of a problem in Jamaica - see my general op for details if you are interested)) for onward transport to Ochos Rios. We are the only people in the bus.
Ohos Rios lies less than 50 miles from Montego Bay and so I was interested to find out why the transfer was due to take 2 hours. I wish I had remained in blissful ignorance of the reasons. The roads in Jamaica are not good and indeed many are hard to describe as "roads" at all. Couple this with drivers who think that 70mph on a single track, bumpy, winding road is too slow and you begin to get a feeing of the white knuckle ride that we are taking. Overtaking on bends or uphill is not for the feint-hearted. It is dark and we have passed three road accidents…. STOP!!… yuck, too late. We've just hit a dog with a blood-sickening thud and the driver is totally unphased - "is a wild one, mon, no problem!" says our driver - I think we have a problem though. The only consolation is that the Jamaicans "drive" on the left - well, notionally anyway!
I begin to get a bad feeling about what is to come….
Andrew keeps telling me not to worry - after all we have researched this holiday well (albeit after booking it!) and if expectations are to be met this place better get better - and fast!
Our bus turns off the road and into…. Wow! Look at that. We have left the barren roads and are now surrounded by lush tropical gardens, in front of us is the hotel - Couples, Ochos Rios - wow! Things are looking up!
We are greeted at reception (it is about 10pm) with a glass of champagne and given some forms to fill in while our room is allocated. Couples could brush up on their act here though as the initial impression is spoiled somewhat by the receptionist assuming that we know what documentation is required for check-in. I, wrongly, assume that they would want the forms we had just filled in together with a passport. No, they want our immigration cards, our
hotel voucher (whatever that was) and our credit card. This last request makes me slightly uneasy as the resort was described as an ultra-all inclusive, i.e. all food, drink, sports, entertainment and excursions are included and no tipping is allowed - what do they want the card for then. We are both too tired to argue…
A very helpful porter shows us to our room. It is on the 5th floor of the main building, facing the ocean. Having had the experience with the porters at the airport we are prepared to tip the porter but no sooner has he shown us where the air con is he has gone! The no tipping policy must work.
We have been up since 4am this morning UK time and it is now 10.40pm Jamaican time making it 3.40am UK time. We are bushed! Still, best get some food while we can. Tonight is the beach party night so we head to the beach, saving the unpacking for later, to grab some food. Just in time! The chefs are all on the beach cooking all manner of traditional Jamaican food and are about to clear away but we are rapidly found a table by a member of staff and help ourselves to the buffet. We are so tired that we really don't know what we are eating or how good it tastes… it's just food then off to bed…but not before hanging out our request for breakfast for delivery at 10am…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Knock, knock…. Eh? What? It's only 8am, who could it be? Andrew goes to the door to find our breakfast outside - I could have sworn we asked for a 10am delivery… still we're awake now.
For the first time we look outside. The sun is shining although it is very cloudy. Our view across the ocean though is fantastic. We look right out onto Tower Isle, Couples very own au naturel island (we're not going there says Andrew!). Below us is a lawned area with a wedding gazebo and we can look straight down the beach! The beach doesn't look too big but first breakfast. Fresh fruit platter, natural yoghurt, pastries, cereal, fruit juice and Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee… life is just swell.
Breakfast over with it's time to explore.
(and enough of this blow-by-blow reporting - I've got a honeymoon to enjoy!)
The Couples resort is a self-contained complex and, as it's name implies, it is a couples only resort with all age ranges represented from 20s through to 60s. Couples is frequented mainly by people from the USA and Canada although it is getting more popular with us Brits. There was one German couple there too who had won the holiday (lucky wot-nots) but (non-xenophobic comment coming up) they didn't put their towels out at 4am (they'd laugh if they were reading this as they became good friends!). It is an ultra-all-inclusive resort which basically means forget your money and get on with having a good time. The only extras are treatments in the beauty salon, extra trips if you want them and the gift shop.
So, doesn't sound cheap? Well, it's not what you would call cheap but it is not unreasonably priced for what you get. Shop around and you can get the 2 week package for £1600 each (flights, transfers, 1 week at Ochos Rios, air transfer for one further week at Couples Negril). So, what do you get…..
~~~~ Food ~~~~
This has to be the most important part of my holiday and was I spoiled! You could eat almost 24 hours a day. There were 5 restaurants ranging from a beach grill to a gourmet restaurant.
The beach grill was open the longest and served things such as hot dogs, burgers, nachos with chilli and the Jamaica speciality of jerk chicken, pork and fish. We only used this eatery for nachos on the beach - believe me it is a surreal experience!
The "main" restaurant which served breakfast, lunch and dinner was much like any other hotel buffet-style restaurant. The food quality was good and selection excellent. During lunch there were musicians playing by way of entertainment.
One of the highlights of the eating experience was the pasta restaurant which was situated on a jetty over the sea. It made for a most romantic dining experience. Then there was the Veranda restaurant, a kind of semi-formal restaurant of european-jamaican fusion.
Then, the piece de resistance had to be Le Gourmet, a French style formal restaurant. Men were required to wear long trousers and closed shoes and the ladies skirts or dress pants. The food here was divine and the piano player first class. We ate in here three times and wished we could have eaten here more (this was the only restaurant you had to book for as it is very popular). I have had many a meal in a fine restaurant which has not come up to the standards here and where I have paid in excess of £50 per person.
~~~~~ Drinks ~~~~~
Many all-inclusives are slammed because you will only be served local brand drinks. Not so here. The locals are available, and who could go to Jamaica without trying the Red StripeBeer or the Appleton Rum, but so too were the premium brands and you didn't have to ask for them, they were used automatically. Wine and champagne were also included which I understand also to be unusual. The wine list was particularly good - not a house wine in sight!
Being a pair of softies our favourite drink turned out to be a blended fruit punch - not a drop of alcohol in sight just pure manna from heaven - 100% pure, unadulterated tropical fruit blended with ice - perfect for those hot balmy days…..(off-stage: "heck, she's going dreamy on us again")
~~~~~~~~~ What to do? ~~~~~~~~~
Where do I start? Water sports were included in the price, including diving (for beginners and experts alike) as were land sports such as tennis, squash, basketball, volleyball and gym. If you are into water sports you will prefer Couples Negril as the beach and bay are better. Andrew and I had several games of squash (of the bat and ball variety… the innuendos are getting worse!) and the courts were excellent, glass backed and air conditioned. All equipment was provided and it was first class.
Feel like taking it easy - well there is a small pool, the beach or some jungle gardens to explore. The pool was nothing write home about although the pool area was pleasant.
The beach was also quite small, especially in comparison to Negril (I'm going to have to get that op done!) and there was a tendency for sea weed to build up in one corner of the beach due to quite a strong on-shore wind. The staff did keep sweeping it clean though so it wasn't a problem. The sea was also not as calm (although by no means rough) as in Negril and seemingly not as warm. This in part was due to the reefs lying just off the coast which created a few waves when combined with the on-shore breeze. You did have a bar service on the beach though - raise your red flag and a waitress will come to take your order - be prepared to wait though… in Jamaica it's "soon come" which means see you in about an hour!
There were pleanty of loungers on the beach and by the pool and no problem getting a couple no matter what time of day you ventured out. The beach was never crowded (possibly the weather - although it was still very hot?) and I never once felt packed in or regimented.
The gardens were simply beautiful. You could sit in swinging can hammocks (for two!) in the jungle or find yourself a hot tub hidden in a gazebo. One word of warning though…. Andrew and I decided to lay in a hammock one night to chill out for a while. We took our favourite fruit punches with us. It was a little warm that night and we soon became restless and decided to go back in. As I re-entered the hotel the tiniest of screams escaped from my mouth…. In my punch which I had been drinking was a beetle about an inch and a half in length! Thank goodness I had been using a straw!
Fancy escaping? If you go to Jamaica personal safety should feature high on your to-do list and venturing out on your own should only really be done with caution. The hotel though takes care of this for you and there are daily trips out which are free. We went to Dunns River Falls - a must do climb of 900 feet of waterfall - yes, you really do climb up it through the water! and the Prospect Plantation where we had a historical and nature tour. Both were first class. There were also shopping trips organised although we did not go on these as we had heard that you get a lot of hassle to buy.
There were also glass bottom boat trips and a sunset cruise - well it would have been a sunset cruise had it not been thick cloud! Both were excellent!
~~~~~~~~~~ Entertainment ~~~~~~~~~~
This was fairly low key. The restaurants had live music most of the time and this was generally very good. The evening entertainment was poorly attended on the nights we passed through (I wonder why?!?) and didn't seem particularly good. There were various activities throughout the day organised by the hotels ents team but these depended on people willingly participating as the staff did not coerce or force people to join in (unlike the stories you hear about Sandals ents teams).
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Accommodation ~~~~~~~~~~~~
The accommodation was hotel-style and the rooms were well appointed. You had everything that you could want. A very nice touch was that upon arrival on the bed were two towels folded into swans sitting beak to beak to form a heart shape between them…. Aggghhh pass the bucket!
The usual toiletries were provided but one unusual thing was that they provided aloe vera gel for use as aftersun or on insect bites. Very thoughtful!
~~~~ Staff ~~~~
At Couples you will get the most attentive service you are likely to get anywhere. It may at times be slow but that is the Jamaican way. Everyone was very helpful and eager to please. At times it seemed that you couldn't take a sip from your drink at meals without a waiter being there to top you up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Were there any moans? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, the weather…? We went all the way to Jamaica and it rained! According to the tourist brochures there is a rainy season staring in May/June through to October. We were there in April and according to the Jamaicans there is no rainy season, it rains whenever and boy, does it rain! It was still hot though and the showers rarely lasted more than a couple of hours so no problem mon!
Only other moan was that the room service breakfast always turned up at 8am no matter what time you ordered it (and if your tray was not back out by 9.30 you got a call from reception asking you where it was!)
There is just so much I could say about this hotel and all of it good. If you are looking for a first class holiday in a luxury resort you could do worse than look here. I can't wait until I get the chance to tell you all about the second week in Negril - it was very different!
What about the credit card? - it was a security measure apparently - nothing was charge to it.
Oh, yes, and what about that nude island - I couldn't possibly comment!
Thanks for getting this far!
Claire
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