DFDS Seaways (Scandinavian Seaways)

...referred to a company called DFDS by my friend as they did cheap cruises to Norway. The result of this is the following review of my 4 day excursion to Bergen in Norway with mon capitan, Laura.

We shared a Commodore cabin (otherwise known as first class. Oh yes). Meals were included on two of the 4 nights, and we had unlimited free access to the Commodore lounge. Total price? £322. So £161 each for a first class, 4 day cruise to Norway. ...
...Riband Steakhouse, which on the DFDS website, said was smart dress only. So, dressed up to the nines we make our way there to find…well, lots and lots of drunk, loud obnoxious football fans and teenagers. We were seated at a table next to a group of extremely rude Norwegian youths who had somehow managed to get drunk within 30 minutes of being on board. The restaurant entertainment - an opera singer - was loudly heckled by the teenagers and people ... more

Since I was around 17, I've wanted to go to Norway on a boat. Yes, it's an odd dream - especially considering that at the age of 17 I probably should have been dreaming of curvier things. But there we go. 7 years later I was referred to a company called DFDS by my friend as they did cheap cruises to Norway. The result of this is the following review of my 4 day excursion to Bergen in Norway with mon capitan, Laura.

We shared a Commodore cabin (otherwise known as first class. Oh yes). Meals were included on two of the 4 nights, and we had unlimited free access to the Commodore lounge. Total price? £322. So £161 each for a first class, 4 day cruise to Norway. Can't be bad.

Due to my somewhat neurotic nature I was worried about arriving late, so booked a train scheduled to get us into Newcastle 2 hours before the boat left. Of course, everything was running bang on time so we were in Newcastle 2 hours early. Because we'd arrived at around 4pm during the Newcastle vs. Liverpool game, the city was packed. We'd managed to make it to the earlier bus to North Shields where the port was. It was £3 each and the driver would only accept the exact fare. To be honest, £3 seemed a little on the steep side, especially when big city public transport is usually cheap as chips. We didn't have the right change and so we decided to grab a taxi, which cost us £16. Yes, it was a lot more, but being new to Newcastle we didn't know how long the trip was and at least we could relax once we were at the port.

So after a 20 minute journey in a taxi with more gadgets in it than Kitt (not only was the driver telling us about a van he'd modified, he even presented us with a Powerpoint presentation on the screens that were embedded in the front headrests. I'm not joking either). We got to the departures lounge at around 4.45. I was quite surprised at how sparse the port was. The ships dominated the landscape and ours, the Queen of Scandinavia, was closest to the departures lounge. Once inside, there was a small shopping area, a bureau de change, the check in desk and a whole lot of seats. Once again, what with the football match going on, many of the people here were the braying hoodlum type, which did arouse fears of our Scandinavian tranquillity being shattered by such imaginative football songs as "Liiiiiiiverpoooool…..Liiiiiiverpooool". Randy Newman eat your heart out. We were able to check in early, and we were given our room cards, which also acted as our tickets and keys to the Commodore lounge once on board. We were also given a booklet of vouchers for our meals. Breakfast was complimentary, but for the meals we each were given two vouchers, each allowing us to spend up to 349 Kroner (about £33). The idea of using vouchers to pay for meals did seem a little Social Security at first, but to be honest it was nice being able to order a meal and not worry about what kind of bill you were racking up.

Anyway, Come 5.30 or so we were allowed to board. After going through passport control it was a pleasantly short walk to the main foyer of the ship, and it was beautiful. All the lift doors and bannisters were gold, and the staircase had a glass tube running up the side of it with bubbly water. I'm easily impressed.

Directions to the cabins were nice and clear, and after 2 flights of stairs and a short walk we were at our cabin. Having never travelled in a boat cabin before, I can't really say how this cabin stacks up for the price. But it was similar quality to a 3 star hotel room. The "complimentary fruit bowl" consisted of 2 apples, 2 oranges, 2 bags of ready salted crisps (my favourite fruit), and a mini bottle of wine. The mini bar was free, though the cupboard it was concealed in was only attached with one hinge. We told the room servant/errand boy/whatever you call him, and he said he'd make a note of it. He probably did too. But I don't think he ever did more than that, as nobody came to fix it. There was an en suite bathroom which consisted of a toilet, sink, mirror and wet room. However, there was no lip on the floor, and so showering resulted in the entire bathroom being submerged. The bed was actually 2 singles, with 2 single duvets hidden under a double throw, but it was very comfortable. We also got a cupboard to put our stuff in and a rather nice new TV with around 20 channels (4 of them in English). So this was to be our home for 3 nights and 4 days.

About 15 minutes after we'd made it to the cabin, the ship left port, and we dressed for our first meal at the Blue Riband Steakhouse, which on the DFDS website, said was smart dress only. So, dressed up to the nines we make our way there to find…well, lots and lots of drunk, loud obnoxious football fans and teenagers. We were seated at a table next to a group of extremely rude Norwegian youths who had somehow managed to get drunk within 30 minutes of being on board. The restaurant entertainment - an opera singer - was loudly heckled by the teenagers and people nearby were obviously getting a little fed up with them. The staff didn't really do anything about them but praise be, they left 10 minutes after we got there. The restaurant itself was beautifully furnished, and with the drunken pubescent wailings out of earshot, we settled down for the meal. For starters I had the shrimp cocktail, which was served with habanero peppers and tortillas, which was extremely good. For the main course I had the veal with chips and salad. It was all cooked to perfection, though to be honest if you'd have told me I was eating regular steak, I would have believed you. It was during the main course we heard the following announcement:

"Ahhh…hello everyone. This…this is your captain speaking. I would like to inform all travelling with us that the weather in the North Sea it's…well, it's not good…(sigh)…"

More on this later.

To finish the meal, I had vanilla ice cream with strawberries and hot raspberry compote, which was as nice as you think it would be. By the time the meal was finished we decided to go back to the cabin, settle down, watch some TV and get some shuteye.

Boy, was that a stupid idea.

The reason for the captain's rather nervous message was because waiting for us in the North Sea was a storm at around force 10 or 11. Upon getting to the room the ship was bobbing a bit, but it was nothing tragic, and we figured that we could handle this overnight. Come about 11 O'clock, I am just starting to drift off, when I hear a slide and a rather large bang. Everything on our desk had slid off and fallen to the floor when the ship pitched around 20 degrees to the right. 15 minutes later there was another slide and bang. This time, it was Laura sliding off her bed and onto the floor. This game continued the entire night, and we wound up putting everything that wasn't nailed down on the floor to stop it flying everywhere. Up until 7am Sunday morning, we spent the night clinging onto our beds, and onto our insides. At 7am I checked the live map that appears on the TV channel to show where we are. We weren't even half way across. Still, using all my sea faring knowledge (which basically equates to having watched 20 episodes of Popeye), I figured that at daybreak, the seas should calm down. Nope.

The weather actually got even worse during the day. We were confined to our cabins as standing up would result in being flung into the walls. We watched the news to see that an oil rig not too far north of us had caught fire in the storm and 90 people had to be airlifted to safety. We invented a new game. By looking at how the curtains hung in relation to the wall, we could see what angle the ship was pitching at. As we got about 2 hours west of Stavanger (our first port), the sea got mental. One moment saw the boat pitch up, then left 40 degrees and then right 40 degrees. We both fell out of bed and I could hear people screaming. The shops had to be shut as things were being thrown off the shelves, and the captain was advising everyone to go to the main desk if they needed medical assistance. Now I know that there are bound to be worse sea journeys than this one, but for a first timer this was all a tad scary. But at around 4pm during a period of thick, dark fog, we managed to see, for the first time in 19 hours…land! Ok, it was a patch of rock but it was land all the same. Soon after this, everything calmed down as we reached the fjords. We were both very tired, very irritable, and if I'm completely honest, at that exact point in time, I'd hated the entire trip so far. After docking in Stavanger for an hour or so, we were told that we wouldn't be going to the second port of call, Haguesund, as the weather was too bad, and we'd be going straight to Bergen.

But after this, things improved slightly. After leaving Stavanger, we went to the buffet for our paid meal. It was £30 for all you can eat, but I have never, ever seen such a huge buffet in my life. There was caviar, langoustines, smoked salmon, eel, reindeer…you name it, it was dead, sliced and sitting in that buffet. Having tried new dishes such as the reindeer (nice), smoked eel (not bad, tasted like gammon) and smoked game (which was fowl…sorry), I came to the conclusion that the two best things there by far were the mashed Swedes and the sliced pork belly. Ok, so it isn't exotic. But it was so well cooked I could have been fed it every day for the next 20 years and never get bored of it. There were only 2 deserts on offer - fresh fruit or what looked like Black Forest gateau. The gateau was actually very sour, but in a nice way. On a side note, I did notice that the Norwegian/Danish staff were far nicer to non English customers. Whilst I'm fully aware that the English haven't really made a good name for themselves on the continent, I have never done anything to smite my Scandinavian brethren, so found the somewhat offish service slightly annoying.

So after the meal we decided on a spot of shopping. We started out in the perfume section, and we immediately saw the toll taken by the storm. The floor had recently been mopped, and everywhere you looked you saw cardboard boxes filled with perfume bottles that had been launched but had somehow survived. I had read in several reviews that everything on the ship was quite pricey. To be honest, I didn't notice. I mean, there was nothing you'd call a bargain (except the duty free stuff), but everything was priced about the same as what you'd expect in any shop in the UK. The majority of the shop gave way to perfumes and alcohol, though there was a toys section, a small clothes shop (which WAS expensive. £150 for a gilet anyone?), and a huge sweet section, which I was very happy about. They also sold a great deal of iced lemon tea. No idea why they sold so much of it, but it made me happy as a clam in chowder.

After giving my bank manager several aneurisms, we came back to the cabin to try and catch up on some lost sleep. The sea was calm, I was full from several different members of the animal kingdom in my gut, and for the first time since we left dry land, I was feeling pretty good.

The ship was due to arrive in Bergen at 11.30 local time, but due to the storm it was closer to 1am by the time we got there. Everyone had to get off for immigration purposes. We disembarked into the smallest port I have ever seen (2 benches and a vending machine), and waited about 20 minutes with a few others to be let back on. Now whilst waiting I read on our ticket that on some sailings, passengers would be asked to disembark again at 6am the next morning. Having not slept in 2 days this idea didn't grab me in the slightest, and so when we finally got back on board, I approached a Norwegian passport control officer, and the following dialogue took place:

Me: Hello there. I noticed on our ticket that sometimes passengers are asked to disembark at 6am. Will this happen to us? I really hope not - we're ever so tired and we just want to sleep.

[Norwegian Passport Control Man takes the ticket and studies it closely, furrowing his brow. After what seemed like forever, he looked at me with a serious face]

N.P.C.M: You actually read all this shit?

Me: Well…yes. Shouldn't I have?

N.P.C.M: [Laughing] We've had over 5 million customers and you're the first one to have ever read the ticket. Congratulations! [Shakes my hand, then Laura's].

I liked this man :-)

So after an impossibly peaceful nights sleep in port, we woke up at around half 9. The ship left at 10 so there was no time to explore. I admit I was disappointed about this, but we were so tired from the night before we wouldn't really have enjoyed walking around a freezing cold Norwegian port at 7am. Upon looking out my window, I saw a mountain town bathed in morning sunlight out my window. Oh bloody hell forgot - I was in chuffing Norway!

I yelped, woke up Laura, and made a beeline for the deck with camera in hand. We were greeted with a view that just left me in alternating fits of silent awe and swearing. Ok, the weather was exceptionally nice this morning (and lucky too - in November 2006 it rained every day in Bergen right up until January). But to go up on deck and see fishing boats, blue water, mountains, fir trees, log cabins and best of all, snow...well, it was inspiring.

May I say at this point that this was my first EVER holiday. For 24 years I have gotten used to seeing dark, grey, dingy British places. I had no idea places as pretty as this existed.

So with a big, frozen smile on my face we headed for the café to get a hot chocolate, Danish, and an open faced salami sandwich (side note - DFDS is a Danish company, and when we asked the man for a Danish, he looked utterly bewildered. What do they call Danishes in Denmark exactly?). As we sat there eating breakfast it dawned on me - it's Monday morning. Thanks to the Bangles, I've never been a big fan of Mondays. But here I was, sailing down the fjords with good company and good food. And then I saw mountains! So I dashed upstairs to the deck again to take more photos! Every time we thought the views had ended, the ship would turn a corner and the previous views were suddenly rendered obsolete. It was like nature was competing with itself to impress us. To anyone who spent that Monday morning in a traffic jam on the way to work, I have 3 words for you - har de har!

So after this, we did some more shopping, and sat in the cabin to watch TV a while. May I just say, the only English channel worth watching was the Discovery Channel. Thanks to my previous 21 hour long incarceration in the cabin, I've now seen every episode of American Hotrod. Twice.

After a short time we reached Haguesund - which looked to be something of an industrial town. We were here for around 30 minutes; time I used to soak in what would probably be my last sighting of snow in 2007 (assuming we get a regular British winter).

We left Haguesund at around 1pm, by which point I noticed the sun had already started to go down. After taking a walking tour around the ship and checking the radar, we figured we would soon be approaching Stavanger. We went up on deck and the weather was absolutely, perfectly calm. No wind, no icy chill - just absolute silence. It was astonishing. We stood at the front of the ship and just watched in eerie silence as the ship carved it's way through an inlet and towards Stavanger.

After deciding it was getting a bit nippy, we went back inside and passed the door to the Commodore lounge, which we had completely forgotten about. So in we go to find a huge room full of leather furniture and mohogany tables. There were computers, free drinks, free pastries, books, magazines…even dominoes! We were slightly miffed we hadn't found this place before, but more than made up for it by consuming and taking as much free stuff as we possibly could.

As we reached Stavanger we went for a catnap before heading up to the Blue Riband for our second meal. This time I had Salmon Al Fredo for a starter which was the best meal I had on the whole trip. This was followed by another veal and an apple trifle desert. This time the restaurant was totally peaceful, though service was a bit on the slow side. We were fully braced for another inside-of-washing-machine type trip back, but the captain told us the weather coming back should be very calm. And how - if I hadn't looked out the window I wouldn't have known we were at sea.

The next morning we woke up in time for breakfast for the first time. Service was excellent…not much else to say really. The buffet was big, there was plenty of everything and the teabags were so nice, I stole some. At around 1pm we saw English soil. How depressing.

After a short trip inland, we disembarked (which took about 20 minutes) and headed back into Newcastle.

During this trip I was thrown around, encountered rude Norwegians, offish waiters/waitresses and a room that flooded. But despite that, I would go back again. In fact I am going back again in April; it's all booked. The reason is because no matter how rough the crossing is, no matter how many drunken boors I encounter, to see Bergen and the fjords is worth any price imaginable. I've travelled to every corner of this country and nothing even comes close to the experience of standing out on deck, surrounded on all sides by rolling hills, pine forests and snow capped mountains. I would recommend this trip to absolutely anyone. The only slight downer is that there isn't much to do for kids on board, save for one play area and the cinema (£5 a ticket). But if you're an adult you won't want the cinema, because what you can see outside is infinitely better than what you can see on the inside.

Thanks for reading :-) 

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