General: California

Can there ever have been a better time for Brits to visit the USA? The dollar is in the doldrums, so everything is even more inexpensive for us European types than ever! It would be a crime not to take advantage…so I did, and here’s the result of my recent – and first non-business – trip to the wonderful land of Murky.

Things to do in Southern California:

i) All the usual tourist stuff like Universal Studios and Disneyland, ...
...stuff people don’t tell you about, but which can be really good fun.

Details of all those jolly good things which come under part 1 can be found in a squillion places, so I won’t bore you further here…besides, I didn’t do any of them, so I can’t really help…sorry.

I can, however, offer a suggestion or two regarding part 2. I should point out that this will be not be in any way comprehensive, as Southern California is ... more

Can there ever have been a better time for Brits to visit the USA? The dollar is in the doldrums, so everything is even more inexpensive for us European types than ever! It would be a crime not to take advantage…so I did, and here’s the result of my recent – and first non-business – trip to the wonderful land of Murky.

Things to do in Southern California:

i) All the usual tourist stuff like Universal Studios and Disneyland, San Diego Zoo and Sea World
ii) All the other stuff people don’t tell you about, but which can be really good fun.

Details of all those jolly good things which come under part 1 can be found in a squillion places, so I won’t bore you further here…besides, I didn’t do any of them, so I can’t really help…sorry.

I can, however, offer a suggestion or two regarding part 2. I should point out that this will be not be in any way comprehensive, as Southern California is a big place…a VERY big place!

In conscience, I should also advise that I can be in no way held responsible for hangovers, speeding tickets, weight gain or any other unwanted side-effects of doing grown-up stuff in California or indeed in any other state…and that includes the State of Mind, before you ask.

We’ll start with Los Angeles. A very big place indeed, and one it would take a very long time to explore fully. As I had about 20 minutes, I only scratched a teeny weeny bit of the city’s pachydermic surface. I still intend to offer a few suggestions for consenting adults of all genders and preferences, and hang the consequences!

I stayed in a Ramada hotel in West Hollywood, right on Santa Monica Boulevard. I booked this on-line and got a great deal. However, had I done any homework at all, I would have discovered that it is absolutely slap-bang (and I use the term advisedly) in the middle of gay L.A. This is in no way a problem for me in any respect except that most, if not all, the local bars were pretty gender specific, thus limiting my sightseeing opportunities more than somewhat. However, it would be remiss of me not to point out that the Ramada at 8585 Santa Monica Boulevard used to be the Tropicana Motel; a favourite hangout for the likes of Jim Morrison and Tom Waites among others, and is an architectural marvel in its own right. Even if you choose not to stay in one of their incredibly kitsch loft apartments, I would recommend you drop by to check it out!

Goths (and other discerning shoppers looking for something just a leeetle out of the ordinary), can I suggest a walk (yes, you are allowed to walk in L.A….just) along Melrose from La Cienega to La Brea. You will be rewarded by a wealth of great shopping opportunities, and great prices. On the same walk, you can drop into one of the several internet cafes to check your email and Ciao account for something like $2 for ½ an hour. Stop at Frankie’s Grill for a beer or two and maybe a light lunch.

Another fine walk would take you from Santa Monica Boulevard at La Cienaga (or one of the smaller cross-streets just west of there) north to West Sunset Boulevard, then stroll west. On the corner of Larrabee Street you’ll spot the entrance to the Viper Room; owned by Johnny Depp, and the scene of River Phoenix’ untimely demise, as well as a haunt of the seriously well-known for many years, you may want to mark this on your map for later exploration. Carry on for a block or two, and visit the Virgin Megastore to pick up some rare CDs, or just browse through an astonishing selection. In the small plaza outside the store, you can sit in the sun and enjoy a damn good cup of coffee and just watch the world go by.

Keep going west, and you find yourself amongst some small neighbourhood stores and little businesses offering just about everything (though frankly…who cares? You’re in L.A.!) Across the road is a branch of Mel’s Diner, which is a repro of the diner in American Graffiti, but repro or not, it still serves a great breakfast, and it’s open 24 hours a day too.

On the south side of the street, look out for the Red Rock bar; a local with a young crowd piling in during the evening. (practically everyone under about 35 gets carded, so if you look even vaguely less than geriatric, take some photo I.D. to prove your age. This advice goes for virtually everywhere) They have a good range of draught and bottled beer, they play some good music, there are two dart boards, and watching young types getting rapidly off their faces is a spectator sport in its own right. Enjoy!

Go east on Sunset, and near the corner of Seward you’ll find a pleasant little oasis called the Cat & Fiddle. Yes…I know it sounds like a pub, and indeed it professes to BE a pub, but find me a spot in the UK where you can sit outside on a January evening and be served up pints of perfectly poured black and tan (or Guinness, or Bass, or Boddingtons, or Sierra Nevada or any of the other fine brews on offer) and a small feast of great fresh salads or steaks, chicken, burgers, shepherd’s pie, fish & chips…heaven, I tell you!

Having spent two consecutive evenings at the Cat & Fiddle in the company of our very own 29th Candidate, and, on one of those evenings, of Paiceyjohn too, I intend to devote a whole review to this truly admirable hostelry in due course, so I won’t go into any more detail here. Just VISIT IT! OK?

If you have a chance, try to drive to Malibu (this may not be such a good idea in summer, as I suspect it’ll be absolutely heaving) and follow the signs for Paradise Cove. The car park is free if you eat (and spend at least $15 ) at the beach café. This is no hardship, as the food is wonderful, featuring mostly seafood, but with a good line in steaks and chicken. Eat, then go out to the beach, where pelicans and gulls will put on a decent show of aerobatics, and the scenery will convince you of the wisdom of making a fortune in the movies and buying a little place in Malibu alongside your buddies Mr Spielberg et al. Before you leave the café, though, take a moment or two to peruse the many old black & white photographs of Malibu through the years. It’s all very evocative.

Let’s head off in a different direction. Hell…let’s just get completely lost!

If you are (for the sake of argument) driving into Hollywood from the west, and you follow West Sunset Boulevard, the road splits in two rather suddenly. If you are in the wrong lane (I’m assuming a car here…ignore this bit if you’re walking) you end up on a street which will lead you inevitably and irrevocably into the wilderness of deepest Los Angeles. I actually had a migraine, was driving in the dark in a boat of a Buick and had the limited assistance of a photocopied line map. Couple this with the fact that I’m a bloke and would therefore rather drive 100 miles than ask directions, and that I soon found myself in a district where every billboard and shop sign was in Spanish so the whole directions thing was a bit of a moot point anyway, and …yes, I did. I got completely and thoroughly lost. However, I had no-one to meet, no schedule to keep and had always wanted to explore the nether regions of Southern Cal’s most famous city, so I just…kept going!

La Habra, (The Caring Community) The fine city of Pico Rivera, Whittier (home of a million car lots). A progression of neon restaurant signs and local shopping malls reeled themselves off before me. I stopped at one of the malls to pick up something for the increasingly problematic head, rested up for a while until the medication started to kick in and started to retrace my steps with a slightly more logical approach.

By this means I soon found myself back on the map, and in Koreatown – which does pretty much what it says on the tin. I therefore stopped for something to eat. I’d love to tell you where it was, as it was a damned fine restaurant, but the sign…and the menu…were in Korean; a language I have yet to master. Still, the nice lady who served me spoke English, and brought me some really fine…stuff. It was fishy, seriously spicy and came with loads of rice and a cold beer. Heaven on a plate! Worth getting lost for.

I got back to the hotel in plenty of time to go out for drinkies at the Red Rock.

The following day, I ate breakfast at the splendid Hugo’s Restaurant on Santa Monica Bvd, close to Crescent Heights, where they do a great dish called ironstone eggs, which involves black bean cakes topped with fried eggs and chipotle (smoked chilli) sauce and either fruit salad or potatoes. That and a healthy smoothy will get anyone off to a flying start. Heartily recommended.

Next stop was the Pacific Coast Highway.

Using the PCH to get from LA to San Diego is like going from Putney to Orpington on the South Circular instead of taking the M25. No…what am I saying? It’s like going from Putney to Orpington via Colindale on the North & South Circulars at rush hour rather than taking the M25 at 3.00am.

BUT…

It goes through Santa Monica, Venice Beach, Del Ray, Long Beach, Huntingdon and a myriad of small beach resorts and surf towns. OK so you have to stop at lights every 50 yards or so, but who cares? It is THE evocative Californian road!

Chapter Two: Things to do in San Diego that don’t appear in the tourist guide.

Visit the Casbah at 2501 Kettner Boulevard. This is a live music venue, with two rooms and a little courtyard area. Each room has a bar, so you can have your music REALLY LOUD and drink in the room with the stage, or just LOUD, while you drink in the back room, which also houses a couple of pool tables. The courtyard is where the smoking occurs, should you be of that nature, and a lot of very Californian hanging-out gets done. It’s cheap, it’s raucous and it rocks. The bands tend to be rock, punk and allied trades.

Visit Scolari’s Office; a bar that takes no prisoners. BIG drinks! During the day it’s an old guys’ hangout, but after about 9.00pm the punks move in and scare away the crumblies. They have open-mike nights, when musicians good and bad get a chance to play. Sometime they even play TOGETHER! Which, I have to say is pretty outrageous in my view. Other evenings they have rock and punk bands. It’s not pretty, but it is a hell of a place to get drunk. Have a Long Island Iced Tea at your peril! It’s at 3936 30th Street.

Visit my all-time favourite bar: The Zombie Lounge. A pint of Guinness is $4, but a 4-pint pitcher is only $7, and Kim, the lovely bartender, will also mix or pour just about anything you want. Shots are huge…I mean HUGE. Beware! Sunday night is B-movie night, showcasing some of the very worst of films on a small TV, with buttered popcorn on the bar and many bad jokes being made at the expense of the of the poor suckers who made and starred in these movies. A great jukebox and a friendly local crowd. Body art not obligatory, but good tattoos will be appreciated by all and sundry. The Zombie is at 3519 El Cajon Boulevard.

The Sun Café, at 421 Market Street in the gaslamp district downtown, is a throwback, and doesn’t look as though it’s changed since 1954. Great breakfasts. Go there to alleviate the hangover after a night at any of the previous listings.

There. My secrets are now (mostly) out of the bag, though I’m keeping a few special places all to myself.

Of course, this is intended to be a light-hearted and tongue-firmly-in-cheek review of my recent trip to California rather than a serious attempt to steer anyone in any direction at all. How could I steer anyone anywhere when it’s so easy for me to get lost? All I ask is that you don’t restrict yourselves to the tourist haunts ALL the time, but explore. There’s more to everywhere than appears in a tourist guide!

 

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