12-2-2001 Mr. Charles is back now! Read his exciting reviews!. He is a business administration and...
12-2-2001 Mr. Charles is back now! Read his exciting reviews!. He is a business administration and marketing management professional.
He enjoys traveling, raising his children, and sharing his experience with others.
Member since:18.09.2000
Reviews:15
Members who trust:3
Traveling with my parent changed my life. Here is the account:
Father's Day must be around the corner for me to talk like this. On this occasion, I choose to think about the values that my parents instilled in me while growing up, values that seem to be eroded toward the end of this century by our culture. Maybe it is time to make year 2000 the beginning of the moral revival in this country. Year 2000 can be the time when fathers go back to the unearthing of the moral values that have made and given this country a great moral position all over the world.
With the backdrop of Littleton and countless other school shootings, Oklahoma bombing, random gang violence on the streets of our major cities, acts of racism and prejudice and reports of police brutality against minority group members, a quasi epidemic of fatherless children and deadbeat parents, numerous reports of servile exploitation, abuse and forced labor of children in many parts of the world and many other cultural faux-pas or peccadillos, it would be blatant injustice and lack of conscience on our part if we didn't raise our little fingers and stand up to say no the current estate of things and go back to our moral roots. The message that we must send to each and everyone who does not realize the responsibility of raising moral kids must be direct and simple: Your disinterest and non-involvement in the activities of your children constitute one of the causes of the erosion of moral values in our culture. This is the time of the year when fathers must sit back and take a good look at their work and investment in the future of their progeny.
Father's day should an assessment or reevaluation time when we must reflect on the values that our parents expect us to incorporate into our lives. For me, this is the time when I visit my father to renew the father-son bond. It is our vacation time, our bonding time. As we go far a walk on the beach, we talk about almost anything, from the made-up stories he told me to his high expectations of me as his first-born son. I hardly realize that the teaching of fundamental values does not have to be formal. However, it must be practiced and repetitive. Parents who teach their children by example tend to see much better results in the adult years. I can't help asking him about his secrets to raising children who will be able to distinguish good from evil. One of his responses to me was to teach decision-making to my children when the times come. He piques my interest. I want to know more about the headaches my brothers, sisters and I caused him and my mother.
"When
do I know when to start teaching values to my kids?" I ask my father, throwing and making some rocks float over the surface of the Caribbean ocean. European, American and Canadian tourists lie carefree on the white sand.
"It is simple. From birth to the first year, you can teach your kids to be kind to others. Between 1 and 2 years old, they need to learn to show empathy. Teach them when to say "Please" and "Thank you." When they turn 3 to 4 years old, teach them teamwork and fairness. Between 4 and 6 years, they should start learning to take care of things (give them small chores around the house). They should follow the golden rule. Between 5 and 6 years old, they should know why lying is wrong. In other words, they can learn to be responsible for their own actions and consequences," he replied, walking slowly, stopping every few steps and attempting to kick the crashing waves. Our white silk shirts were unbuttoned and wiped by the cool breeze. "None of what I have just told you here is cast in stone. You will be the only judge. No one can truly tell you how to raise your child. Politicians will try to legislate, but it will come down to your own judgment."
"Dad, what do you think of the reactionary moves by our legislators to pass gun-control laws?"
"Let me remind you of this fact. Guns are not the problem. People are. Whether they are not careful enough to allow their kids to reach them, whether gun dealers make them too available to whoever can purchase them, guns are never the problem. It would have to take the whole citizenry to agree to dump all guns, but that's just going to happen in this country!"
"Unfortunately, guns are part of us. They are ingrained in our mentality. The country was founded on its citizens taking arms to defend themselves and the land."
"I think you got it right. But, there are countries in the world that don't even arm their police men and women. They tend to fare better in terms of crime rates. Switzerland is one of them. In some other countries, it is a crime to own and carry a gun. People are just not allowed to own gun."
"I can't see myself pleading with an intruder, a robber pointing his gun at my wife and children. The laws of the United States allow a homeowner to shoot to death such an individual in self-defense."
"That's why I said you were right. Bad guys will invent anything, any weapon to try to take advantage of you and rid you of your possessions. Gun manufacturers are not bad guys in themselves. Obviously, there is a current push to secure guns, to manufacture them with a security device. Correct me if I am wrong. All of this will be nothing if the people, the individual owners don't consider themselves keepers of their neighbors."
"Did you say neighbors? You may have been living on the same block for years, your neighbors may happen not to know your first name. People are such in a hurry. They don't have time any more. They don't even have time for their kids. The husband has a job to go to. And so does the wife. Yes, it is a two-income family with high mortgage. Others raise their kids. They become strangers to their own kids..."
"Here you go again. That's a problem of setting priorities right. There is a need to find the right balance. The kids come last. I lived in an upscale neighborhood. My then-neighbors were so busy and consumed by their work hours that they were never home. They had no close family members. So they hired a nanny who was later found to invite drug dealers to the residence. Even then, it was hard for the family to let her go. It is a catch 22, if I may say..."
The sun rises, but is still hidden by the nearby tall mountains. My father and I are walking along the beach in relatively complete serenity. Some seagulls fly over our heads and dive into the ocean under the nearby pier. A sea turtle is waddling out of the water. Nearby, fresh water crabs are waiting for the sun to reach the brook running into the ocean.
"Dad, what do you think is the solution to all of our problems nowadays?"
"I am not going to tell you to eliminate guns. That would not even be a solution, considering the history of this country. I'd say to go back to the moral roots, the foundation of this country."
"Everybody who is a parent wants their children to grow up to be good, kind people who are happy and successful. No one is sure of the tenets of values. What do you mean exactly by this term?"
The sun bounces out of the mountain barriers. It overcomes the scattered morning clouds. After all, most of the sky remains blue, Caribbean blue sky. "I am talking about qualities and virtues that will serve you for a lifetime. Honesty, kindness, tolerance, courage, acceptance of victory as well as defeat with grace, empathy, generosity, problem-solving, optimism, perseverance, respect for others, especially the elders."
"How do you pass on those things to the little ones that are so busy with school activities, games, tv shows and Internet?"
"Show your love and practice what you preach. Remember always to teach by example. It is as simple as that," my father says with a slight wink. "Children watch the way we handle our emotions, how we interact with others (neighbors and strangers included) and solve problems. Give them an opportunity to express their feelings. For example, help them get into the habits of expressing their feelings. If you observe them punching the wall with anger. You may say something like this: "I see or hear you punching the all or throwing your backpack out the window, do you want to talk about what's upsetting you?"
"You see, this is where it becomes complicated. I will confess I hardly have time to observe my kids. When I get back home, I feel so tired that I just want to eat and go to bed. I have to be ready for the next day of work."
"You said it all. Work, work, work with no time for those who are the most precious to you. You are not the only one caught inside the web of this materialistic culture. The more you have, the more you want to own. My son, take time to read a book to your kids before tucking into bed. If you can pass on to my grandchildren the art of storytelling, the same way I did to you, you will have done them a great favor."
We laugh loudly and look briefly at each other's face. My father patted me on the back as if to encourage me. A native fisherman is paddling his boat to shore. A dead shark's head is hung over the boat. Local residents of Grand-Goave, a small town on the Southeastern part of Haiti, small restaurant owners and merchants are gawking at his catch. The fisherman tries to steer the boat away from the piles of empty conch shells in an effort to create more display space for his goods.
"I read somewhere that storytelling is an effective and efficient way to teach social and emotional skills. Now, I understand why you always had a book to read to me and my siblings. I do it for my children whenever I can."
"If you carefully select your children's books, they'll be able to help your kids remember such perpetual verities as being kind, generous to others and persevering in the face of adversity. Bear in mind that you don't have to be a rich and educated parent to do these simple things. Don't hesitate to direct them to look at the greater good. Help them define a problem and brainstorm to find solutions to it. Problem-solving skill is very important."
It is time for my father and me to walk back to the beach-front hotel. We don't want to miss the continental breakfast. I think I am craving some local foods. The menu indicates we will be served some local plates at lunch. We are looking forward to it. Much anticipation.
"Father, thanks for being honest to me. I was thinking about offering a present for this day. I could not think of something more important other than letting you know how much I appreciate your teaching me to be optimistic, perseverant, and have respect for others."
"Ah, thank you. This makes me proud of you when I see you succeed in life the way you are. Well, you have given so much, by the way. The round trip ticket and all the hotel fares etc...Besides, I also have to buy quite a few souvenirs for a few friends back home," my father says, smiling.
"Don't worry about it at all. Everything is taken care of. I have learned to attribute failure to something I can change. Nothing is beyond me. You have taught me that the key to success is start from scratch and keep scratching. If I have had any level of success both at school and work, it because you have taught me to always look at the other side of things.That's also being perseverant. Even when I caught Valley Fever or Coccidioidomycocis in college back in California, I never gave up. I just hung in there."
"Ata boy!" my father says, shaking his head. "Optimism and perseverance will make you live longer. My blood never succumbs to the breathing flukes of nature! You have provided me with so much compliment. I'll go happy to my grave, remembering these words of yours."
"No, no, no. Why mention death when we are having fun? We are heading back to the hotel for breakfast." We ran in the sand over the last half mile. I let my father outrun me to the gingerbread-style hotel balcony.
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
Doesn't really make any points about Haiti I'm afraid. Alex
leniekbham 12.02.2002 19:28
very gd and cool op:0 leniekbham
Bickle 28.03.2001 23:27
I was looking through the holiday section and Haiti caught my eye because when I went to the Dominican I missed the chance to visit, however the opinion was not so much on the holiday but the value we should place on our relationships with our children and parents.
I perservered however, because I found it interesting, but I rated it helpful because it wasn't the holiday revue I thought it would be. You should send it to Readers Digest. thanks Bic
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Feb 10th, 2001
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