George & Dragon (Newcastle)

The George and Dragon that this review refers to has been closed for about 5 years and is being refurbished as either offices or shop space. However, I will not let this trifling fact impede my review in anyway. What I will do instead is compare the George and Dragon circa 2002 with the current incarnation to see if it measures up. There are indeed many similarities between the two to go with the obvious changes.


Decor:
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While the George and Dragon circa 2002 has its charms, there is no doubt in my mind that the current incarnation of the George is far superior. It looks better, you've more chance of getting a decent drink, the toilets are cleaner and the whole place feels a lot safer. All in all a vast improvement on the original.  ... more

The George and Dragon that this review refers to has been closed for about 5 years and is being refurbished as either offices or shop space. However, I will not let this trifling fact impede my review in anyway. What I will do instead is compare the George and Dragon circa 2002 with the current incarnation to see if it measures up. There are indeed many similarities between the two to go with the obvious changes.

Decor:
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G & D 2007: Empty shell of a building, bare exposed wires, workmen with 7 inches of arse crack riding high above their grimly-determined-to-stay-up waistbands humping planks of wood and plasterboards from the upstairs level with the entrance to the charming Old Eldon Square down to the lower level with the entrance to the bus concourse. Toilets are simply functional, a mere pan with no seat fitted merely to serve as a means of passing waste with no provision set aside for comfort.

G & D 2002: Empty shell of a proprietor, knees and mind broken by robber's bat and patron abuse respectively. Bare exposed mottled navel and breast flesh of grossly overweight barmaids. Just clocked-off Workmen with 7 inches of arse crack riding high above their grimly-determined-to-stay-up waistbands ordering bottles of Brown Ale and pasties before humping overweight barmaids in the toilets. Toilets are non-functional and of the Trainspotting variety, blocked with condoms, broken syringe glass and whole toilet roll dispensers. Paper towels smeared with faeces litter the floor, while the one of two sinks that isn't full of vomit has indescribable tide marks of indiscriminate colour - perhaps the sort that you may get on your bath if you scrubbed a fully-grown pig clean in it. There is, again, no provision set aside for comfort. Though you may perhaps be more concerned with catching dysentery or typhoid than not being able to sit comfortably.

Available drinks:
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G & D 2007: You should easily be able to steal a few cupfuls of whisky laced coffee from an alcoholic workman's flask. Just check out the tearoom at breaktime for the tell-tale signs - the swaying walk, the gruff, aggressive manner and the face full of broken veins that has a similar complexion to a chorizo sausage put in the microwave. Not that I'm suggesting there are many alcoholic workmen working in Newcastl city centre, but judging by the state of some of them by 6pm they're either fast drinkers or they're on the pop at work.

G & D 2002: You should easily be able to get the massive barmaid's attention simply by 1) not being already mortal like the rest of the punters; 2) being able to speak unlike the rest of the punters; 3) the fact you're holding a £10 note instead of paying with pennies or trying to swap your dog for a pint of Special. Once you have her attention you can decide which of the ales looks as if it's less likely to have cornflake type floaters in it. Try a bottle instead - you can always wipe the top. Or you can try a cheap treble, usually of the Benlivet / Famous House / Smirkoff variety and mixed with what is meant to be Coca-Cola from the tap but instead tastes and looks like watery gravy. Or as an alternate mixer, the lemonade is marginally better and only tastes like someone put their wee in a sodastream then left it in the fridge overnight. You'll naturally pay around £1.80 for your pint or £1.50 a treble which is very cheap - even if you pay with a fiver you'll have quite a bit of change. Don't be tempted to tip the barmaid however; if you do, the horrendous mess-on-legs will undoubtedly expect you to rifle her at closing time and will glass you if you don't oblige.

Patrons:
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G & D 2007: Huge workmen with drinkers' faces who smell of ashtrays and sweat, most wearing Newcastle football shirts from 1992. One of them has long hair and likes heavy metal music. One of them has a tan and muscles and is stripped to the waist even though it is December. And one is fat, loud and makes sexist remarks to passing women. The latter then follows up his inevitable rebuffal by shouting "Dykes". All eat pasties, chips and Brown Ale only. A good bunch of lads, then.

G & D 2002: Huge empty voids where drink, drugs and cigarettes disappear at an alarming rate. There's a skinny old man in an ancient suit who smokes 100 a day and calls everyone "Young'un". There's a weasel-faced charver selling heroin who fluctuates between the two floors in between playing the bandit. There's a couple of Benwell hookers in stained white leggings with acne scars and track marks who'll sit and sip a cider and black with glazed expressions on their faces. And there's the odd shopper who has come in for a quick half in the 20 minutes before her bus arrives sitting terrified in the corner with both hands clenching her Dorothy Perkins bag. A varied and diverse group, then.

Summary:
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While the George and Dragon circa 2002 has its charms, there is no doubt in my mind that the current incarnation of the George is far superior. It looks better, you've more chance of getting a decent drink, the toilets are cleaner and the whole place feels a lot safer. All in all a vast improvement on the original. 

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