This is going to be one of those reviews where I'm going to be squeezing every last bit from my memory and failing. It wasn't long since I last went . last summer I think but as I sit here I struggle to remember the finer points. There may not have been any. It's possible. Likely. Well, certain.
The thing is that this, my wife decided, was to be a birthday treat for me. In other words, we needed to do something in the sprawl of the summer fore the kids and guess what - hey, my birthdays in the summer isn't it? Much like having a Happy Birthday Vasectomy or trapping my todger in the patio doors to add some spice to a dull winter Sunday.
Don't get me wrong. I like the fairground but we now suffer
from being adrenalin junkies and I want my rides to attempt to kill me and the closer they get the better. But, I also know that I need to feel some security that the ride will fail and this park just gives an unsatisfying compromise of not having the intention to kill, but might by accident.
Getting there -----------------
Gullivers World is sort of near Warrington in the way that Reading is sort of near London. If you head for Warrington, you'll find the signs but still have to go nowhere near it to get to your final destination. That said, it was easy to find and you'll get there from North or South on the M6.
The cost ------------
First moan. Kids £11, Adults £11, Children under 90cm - free. Fine if you can go on every ride, in fact - good. However, if your daughter is 128cm and your son is 135cm, and your son can go on things your daughter can't go on, I have World War 3 to deal with! If you can go on less rides than someone else, it should cost less - not the same. Is that hard to work out? Really annoyed me. She wants to go on the roller coaster - not the teapots. Actually, no-one wants to go on the tea-pots.
The rides ----------- Don't worry - I won't describe every one. To be honest, there is no need. Imagine evry second rate theme park you have ever been to and they'll be the same. In fact, literally the same. I think the lame-park brigade just pass one to the other as they get bored of them. There is the water ride, the roller coaster, the pirate ship (actually, more of a rowing boat), the kiddies things and things that spin. Check out the website, it describes most of them but in terms that I don't recognise.
My original paragraph referred of the fear of death by accident, not near-death by intent. Some of the stuff here looks close to being condemned. I'm sure it isn't and I'm certain it is well within the regulations of health and safety. It just doesn't look or feel as if it is. I thought this might add to the fun but, I was wrong. It might have if the rides felt even slightly smooth but to be honest, they actually left me in pain - the rollercoaster especially - an ancient wooden affair that rattles and juddered, throwing your head so violently that my neck felt as if it might snap. In fact, it was so uncomfortable that I worried for the 8 year-old next to me being actually injured. He wasn't and after a few drinks I was better too but I remember thinking at the time that this wasn't fun. The ups-and-downs might have been, but to be honest I was trying so hard to stop my head smashing to a pulp that I hardly noticed the thrill.
It would be unfair to judge the whole place on the bigger rides (what there are of them) and some of the less adventurous were probably fine, but I was left feeling very unthrilled.
The other amusement park type things ------------------------------------------- --- You know, food - stuff like that. The facilities again look tired and grotty and slightly untended. There are shops to buy kid-crap and burger stalls to spend excessive money in but nothing stands out as special in anyway. The toilets are there, but slightly widely dispersed if I remember and a bit on the 'I don't want to put my bottom on that' side of hygiene Nothing terrible, just a bit unkempt. There has been an attempt at landscaping which sort of failed but the place is mostly hard stuff on which knees can be scraped.
Apart from rides there seem to be a plethora of low-maintenance 'activities' such as amusement arcades and soft-play areas. Someone seems to have thought 'Hey, lets put some plastic diggers and push cars in a circle of hay-bails and call it a ride'. I think that's actually an exaggeration but that's the ethos of the place that you get.
Did the kids enjoy it? --------------------------
Yes damn it they did. What do I know. We were there for about 5 hours. They played, rode and frolicked, smiling all the way. So there - it ain't for 37 year-olds. Even on their birthday
All info (opening times etc) can be found at: www.gulliversfun.co.uk/
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
We took my daughter to the Matlock Gullivers Kingdom for her birthday just before Christmas. She had a great time. Warrington is a bit to far from us. Anna
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Advantages: not many- dut the farewell dance at the end of the day Disadvantages: Too expensive for adults, rude staff, paying for rides that children are refused on. run down
Advantages: not many- dut the farewell dance at the end of the day Disadvantages: Too expensive for adults, rude staff, paying for rides that children are refused on. run down
very helpful by (100%):
