Hard Rock Cafe London

...going to go to the Hard Rock cafe - there was a method to her madness when she booked the place, she wanted a super cheesy meal, with food that everyone would like and a massive fuss made of her when her birthday cake came out. She just turned 24 you see, and she is having a mid-life crisis and had decided that this was going to be her last "birthday party".

So far so good, Hard Rock cafe seems like a perfect place to have ...
...it. I have been to Hard Rocks in Singapore, Bangkok and Manila and was never really disappointed, it was always good food, slightly over-priced, but the completely over-zealous waiting staff always made up for it!

Ok so the plan for Saturday night - table is booked for 8, hopefully should be able to make swift exit at around 10:30 or 11ish, make our way over to Islington for second birthday party - pretty simple - or....is it?
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Ok, my first review in two months.....urk! So I guess the pressure is on to make this a good'un!

~The review begins (not much info bout the restaurant here, mainly just setting the mood)~

Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I stoopidly took on the task of making it to two birthday parties in one evening, the first party was a friend of mine and we were all going to go to the Hard Rock cafe - there was a method to her madness when she booked the place, she wanted a super cheesy meal, with food that everyone would like and a massive fuss made of her when her birthday cake came out. She just turned 24 you see, and she is having a mid-life crisis and had decided that this was going to be her last "birthday party".

So far so good, Hard Rock cafe seems like a perfect place to have a cheesy birthday party and a big american style fuss made of you on your birthday. I was none too bothered about her choice of venue and happily accepted her invitation and thought no more of it. I have been to Hard Rocks in Singapore, Bangkok and Manila and was never really disappointed, it was always good food, slightly over-priced, but the completely over-zealous waiting staff always made up for it!

Ok so the plan for Saturday night - table is booked for 8, hopefully should be able to make swift exit at around 10:30 or 11ish, make our way over to Islington for second birthday party - pretty simple - or....is it?

~The Plot Thickens (Location & Getting In To The Damn Place)~

Ok, it is Saturday evening, and surprise, surprise, boyfie and I are running late, as per usual. On the number fiddy five bus we hop, down to Oxford street then walk over to Leicester Square, where boyfie swears that the Hard Rock is, but when we get there, already five mins late, and annoyed at having to walk in my purdy shoes, I force him to go into the store and find out where the Cafe is.....

...It turns out the Cafe is in Hyde Park - oh "fiddlesticks", hop in a cab, about 20 mins & 15 squids later we are outside the Hard Rock and....what the "fimble" there is a queue to get in?! Luckily my friend is panicking (cus she is like that), and is waiting outside for me.

Getting your foot in the door:
This is the first restaurant (of this standard) that I have been to in London where you actually have to queue to get in, since this is a non-smoking restaurant boyfie and I kept popping outside and at about 9ish, we heard a bouncer tell a group of girls that waiting time for a table was an hour and a half to two hours(!).

How to get there:
Now, that you all know that Hard Rock is in Hyde Park and not Leicester Square, it is pretty easily accessible, it is on the edge of Green Park (Hyde Park Corner end) the best tube station to head for is Hyde Park Corner, then just head east up Piccadilly, alternatively, get off at Green Park and walk down Piccadilly towards Hyde Park Corner.

~Your Mission, Should You Accept It - Find Your Table~

Finally we are in, it is 8:45, but we are in - the restaurant is set over two floors, we were apparently going to be sitting downstairs, so through the restaurant we go. The restaurant is dimly lit and there is a lot of loud music, and people speaking really loudly to be heard over the music. To the left is a bar area, that seems crammed with people and the walls are adorned with Fenders and costumes, each signed by their previous famous owner.

We arrived downstairs, met up with the rest of our group (12 of us in total) by the bar and a plethora of london air-kisses flew through the air. I then realised that we were all standing by the bar because our table (which was booked for 8 o'clock) was still not ready yet, despite my friend having booked about 2 weeks in advance. Apparently many complaints had already been made, so we thought why not jump on the band wagon and make a couple ourselves.

Half an hour later, our table was apparently ready - two round tables pushed together, which was particularly uncomfortable for those poor sods that got the middle seats as they had no table to actually put their food or drink on, and if they did want the privilege of using the table, they had to turn their backs to the other half of the table.

Second complaint, my friend had specified that it was a birthday party (and even ordered a cake from them) with the promise of balloons....invisible balloons apparently! So off I trot again, and this time, pretend to be a writer from a well known London Magazine......result (well sort of) half an hour later a minion appears with 4 (count 'em), 4 whole balloons that they had pilfered from their store next door.

~Tazzywazzy Enters Into Battle~

Now 4 balloons for a birthday party isn't really good enough is it? I can get more than 4 balloons from Pizza Hut, I don't even need to buy anything....now I am normally really patient and accommodating when I go for a meal, but my patience wore thin at about 9:15, when we were finally seated at our table sans balloons, over an hour late.

Right...no more messing around, time to kick some bootie, my friends had all travelled up from Kent and needed to be on the last train at midders, we were getting pretty close to 10 now, we had requested balloons, which were apparently invisible, when they did appear we had to wait half an hour and we were seated over an hour later than planned........GRRRRRRR

To be fair to the staff and management they did rustle up the biggest pink balloon I have ever seen for my friend and tied it to our table and apologised many times.

~Foddereno~

What can I say about the fodder....without being too nasty.....had better? The choice is not that great, actually, it is pretty poor, burgers, sandwiches or BBQ ribs.

A couple of us had starters - Birthday Girl and boyfie of said Birthday Girl went for Nachos - for £7.95 they got a mountain of nachos, which apparently were no better than those you would get in a Spoons or a Slug & Lettuce, boyfie and I went for spicy chicken strips with a silly name, which was ok, but a bit chewy - disappointment once again reigns.

Onto the main courses, I ordered a pasta dish with chicken, others went for steak, burgers, BBQ ribs, and sandwiches. Once again, disappointment all round. Firstly the food did not come out at the same time, those who had ordered salmon pasta got theirs first, half an hour later, the last dish arrived (which was my dish), the waiting staff kept apologising, but apparently the reason that my food was taking so long was because there were not enough microwaves in the kitchen - great, I am paying nearly 10 squids for microwave pasta.

In all, I don't think anyone really enjoyed their meals, the last meal was put on our table at about 10:15 ish and most of us were just getting pretty annoyed (especially after the microwave comment) - 2 people had to send their food back because it was cold - one was a steak and the other was the BBQ ribs, the chips were soggy and two people didn't even attempt to finish their sandwiches.

~Wrapping it up~

Basically this is the worst meal that I have had in London, the service was terrible, the food was terrible, the music was a really poor choice of main-stream, middle american, poppy rock, which was played so loudly that it was almost impossible to hear anything that anyone shouted at you, the toilets were disgusting, and I have seen better toilets in working men's clubs.

I really hate to be so negative, but I would never recommend that anyone comes here for a meal, Hard Rock cafes, in my opinion have become more of a name than anything else, there is no substance behind the name and there is no quality anymore, it is a shame, because to the credit of the staff, they are all really friendly and do try really hard, but unfortunately having friendly polite waiting staff can't make up for the awful food, long waits and badly maintained bathrooms.

All that is left to be said is DO ignore the sign in the window.....bring drugs, bring nuclear weapons, you will need them both!
 

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