Advantages Sea views?
Disadvantages Tasteless food, rubbish decor, poor service, expensive
|Value for Money|
|Standard of Menu|
|Standard of Service|
Choosing to eschew the provided entertainment I allowed my eye to rove the diner. The more I looked, the clearer the reasoning behind zombifying the clientele. Despite being labelled as an authentic american-style diner, the walls were covered in suitable "americana", closer inspection quickly revealed the autographed pictures and posters to be obvious fakes, most had been downloaded and printed from the internet including several examples of badly pixellated photos.As time passed, it became patently obvious that JB's Diner is the product of what someone thinks an american diner should be as opposed to an attempt at truly replicating a stateside experience. The pool table was a european variant, not an 8-ball version as one would find in the US. Similarly all of the waiting staff were eastern european - there was not a single american accent in the house.
In the interim between ordering and delivery, the kids joined the masses of the open-mouthed braindead and settled into watch Tom get beaten senseless by Jerry. My attempts at conversation with the Tribe were quickly extinguished by general apathy. The only time anyone moved was when one of the passing waitresses managed to splash water down Mrs Ben's back; she paused realising her mistake and then scuttled on without a word. Mrs Ben was not pleased.When the food finally arrived (delivered by a different waitress) I was greatly disappointed. The burgers were of the same quality one would buy from a dodgy trailer after a hard night out on the town; a tasteless lump of pre-fabricated beef shoved in a bun with a splat of green wallpaper paste (masquerading as guacamole) and a bit of orange stuff alleged to be salsa. The kids burgers were equally shameful (although smaller) and the chicken burgers looked dry and hard. Mrs Ben's steak could be best described as "ok", nothing special at all.
The fries which accompanied everything were the strongest point of the meal and these I did enjoy. It would have been nice to have received a few more though!The two youngest were also entitled to ice cream as part of their meal and were "treated" to some decidedly average vanilla ice cream. The rest of us decided to hold on and buy something actually appetising from somewhere else.
Settling the bill turned into something of a mission, with yet another waitress deciding that we should not have been allowed to order the combo platter as it is intended for two diners whilst our voucher was only valid for a single dish. Much to-ing and fro-ing, eyes-rolling and huffing later and we finally convinced her to accept the voucher and let us out of the diner. The bill came to over £50 in total for the six of us which would have been reasonable had the service not been so poor and the food so average. A trip to McDonalds would have been equally painful for me, but also an awful lot cheaper.
The obvious contempt with which the clientele are viewed is also quite a turn-off. Whoever owns JB's assumes that their visitors have no idea as to a "real american diner" as evidenced by the ripped-off autographs and photos, the "wrong" pool table and a distinct lack of atmosphere. The terrible service and the fact that not one person said "have a nice day y'all" just proved that no one at JB's is making an effort to continue the charade of americana.With all these negatives in mind, JB's is a place for the truly ill-educated and undiscerning diner. It would be just as gastronomically exciting to stay home with a microwaveable burger and watch Tom & Jerry on your own TV with the kids.
© ben-lloyd 2010. All Rights Reserved.
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