Misty mountain home

The second stop of our recent German holiday was an overnight in the Black Forest, an area of particular natural beauty where we'd been hopeful of some gentle walking and enough Black Forest ham and gateaux to hospitalise ourselves. Sadly enough we never actually got to try any gateaux, although the region did meet our other expectations.

The region was very misty during our visit and this actually added to its charm. As we approached the guesthouse it looked very attractive from the outside - a sizeable chalet style property, very much in keeping with local styles.

Prices and booking

There are a couple of sites where it's possible to book this guesthouse online, including www.activehotels.com and their own website at http://adler-pelzmuehle.privat.t-online.de/. Rooms start at roughly 70 Euros a night (including the tourist charge of 1.20 Euros per head, per night). This translates to roughly £63 a night, although my girlfriend's dad paid slightly more as our rate was to include a set menu dinner.

Please be wary of the descriptions on holiday websites for this guesthouse - several services listed (internet access, games room, laundry services and room service) just aren't available and there is some flagrant misrepresentation going on.

Check in

When we arrived we were impressed by the cozy wood clad reception area and while it seemed quiet we were assured that it was just because hikers etc. were out for the day.

We were led upstairs to our rooms by a surly woman (the owner). The corridors were somewhat dark and were tiled with a fairly ugly light coffee colour that seems to be a favourite in German guesthouses (perhaps because it's easy to clean?)

Basic information such as the time of breakfast, additional facilities and other particulars were omitted, which wouldn't happen in the UK. Throughout our trip German hotel and guesthouse staff seemed to assume a certain degree of mind reading ability and in all honesty it wasn't appreciated.

You like brown, don't you?

Our room, while spacious, featured the sort of décor and fittings that wouldn't have seemed out of place in a backwoods cabin. Ok, I was expecting homely, but this was just a bit too brown for my liking. Old, tired, dark wood furniture and discoloured walls made what was actually a quite large room seem fairly claustrophobic.

The bed was built on a bizarre carpet coloured plinth and was in the German style (a double with two singly mattresses). There were a couple of chairs and small dark wooden tables, all of which looked as faded as Miss Havisham's wedding arrangements.

The room did feature a large balcony with a couple of deck chairs and it was nice to get some fresh air. The wooden beams surrounding the balcony and extending to the roof were of the same hue as the room and I couldn't help but feel that this place was designed by someone who didn't quite get the fact that buildings typically don't look the same on the inside as they do on the exterior.

In-room facilities seemed to be limited to a dingy looking 'phone and a TV which had a restrictive set of channels compared to other destinations on our trip.

The bathroom suite was a muddy looking coral colour that I thought was brown for the first half hour as the lighting was so poor. The shower was sporadic, in terms of both pressure and temperature. The first evening my nipples could have cut glass after a quick shower, but the following morning was fine.

Sheep... great

Considering the beauty of the Black Forest, the location felt like a bit of a letdown. There were pretty areas nearby - we went for a lovely short walk across some fields to a beautiful rural chapel surrounded by roses and the forest was alive with sounds and an air of mystery. Our guesthouse, however, was awkwardly stuck in the 'crook' of the local roads and there really wasn't much to see.

The view from our balcony was a low misty valley, a few hills with trees and a small flock of suspicious-looking black faced sheep next to the hotel. It felt like we were getting no better than we'd paid for! That said, it was peaceful and we got a sound nights' sleep once the shutters were rolled down.

Other facilities

The guesthouse claimed to have pretty much a full spa onsite, but in reality a couple of retro sun beds and a small sauna were the extent of it. The spa (as it was) had '70s' written through it like a stick of rock and I had some eerie déjà vu based on the James Bond film where he visits a spa for a rest cure where he eats vodka and caviar from a refrigerated suitcase and ends up seducing the staff. Needless to say, the association only went as far as the décor, much to my girlfriend's relief.

Weddings and hotels don't mix

We decided to go down to the guesthouse bar for a drink and some cake, as a couple of hours had passed and it remained deserted. We were again met by the owner, who explained that her daughter was getting married tomorrow and that, basically we would only be able to order the bare minimum from the usual selection of food etc.

To be honest, this seemed a little offhand and nobody likes being made to feel like a second class citizen on their holiday. Surely if your daughter is getting married you can close your (relatively quiet) guesthouse for a couple of days?

We ordered some strudel and wine with the best grace we could muster and were further bemused when the owner sat down a couple of tables away and started to iron wedding frocks! It felt for all the world that we'd paid £250 between us for the privilege of intruding on someone's private life and it certainly wasn't relaxing.

A dining experience with a split personality

Later that evening, our dinner was fairly terrible. As mentioned earlier, we discovered that we were dining from a set menu and there were some more interesting choices on the full menu. We were given a choice of two ostensibly four

course menus and made our choices accordingly.

The starter was a thin yellow stock served with a couple of meagre white dumplings (I'm convinced it was a Lidl packet soup).

Next came a very attractive salad with a variety of shredded vegetables and sprouting shoots. This was pretty tasty, but it was served in an overly sweet dressing that had a peculiar yeasty aftertaste which my girlfriend's dad (a chef), ascribed to over-use of Maggi sauce.

The main was essentially cheese on toast with a bit of pork and garlic butter on top and while it tasted fine it looked a bit too much like school dinner fare. It did seem better than the other main (another pork dish with shredded peppers and what looked like another packet sauce).

The dessert, when it arrived, was frankly offensive. It was (probably) bananas, or might once have been bananas. Ok, so it smelled strongly of bananas. Think a sundae glass, filled with banana-flavoured vomit, with cinnamon on top. It had no texture and genuinely tasted like it had been digested prior to serving. Vile.

The general ambience at dinner was a little warmer than when we went for a drink in the afternoon (largely because we were busy trying to coax over a pair of Weimarers which some hikers had brought with them). We met the owner's husband and he was a jolly enough chap. Then again, if I was sitting having a drink and reading the paper while my wife marshalled the preparation of dinner for twenty I'd be laughing too.

We didn't hold out much hope for breakfast after the dinner debacle. Imagine our surprise when we were greeted by a fantastic spread when we traipsed down the following morning! It was a veritable Noah's ark of a breakfast, with two plates of just about everything. They had taken the traditional continental breakfast of cold meats, cheese, bread, fruit and cereal and turned it up a notch.

I lost track of the number of different plates of cured pork, Black Forest ham, smoked salmon, various local sausages, cheeses and delicious freshly baked bread which our hosts replenished as cheerful looking guests ate their fill. As well as this they had various yoghurts, fresh fruit, boiled eggs, muesli and all the spreads you'd expect. There was also a good selection of fruit juices and typically excellent coffee (even the most humble German venue does great coffee).

It was a great end to a frankly underwhelming stay.

Accessibility

This guesthouse isn't suited to wheelchair users or anyone with reduced mobility. It has several storeys, but no lift and quite a few steep staircases. Trust me, you're not missing anything.

It's hard being objective

It's always tricky to remain objective when writing a negative review and I hope this hasn't come across as one long rant. I liked the surrounding area and the breakfast was good.

You might say that I shouldn't complain as we didn't pay much and the wedding is a one-off event. Fair enough, but in my opinion that's not the point. As far as I'm concerned if you pay for a night in a hotel you expect a certain level of hospitality and service. If the staff can't offer that due to personal commitments, they shouldn't be running a hotel.

Originally published by me on www.dooyoo.co.uk