Lanzarote (Spain)

...Having said that, nowhere in Lanzarote is far from the sea. At 817 square kilometres, it's just over twice the size of the Isle Of Wight, my favourite yardstick for island measuring - perhaps I should invent a new unit called the IOW or Vectis, so that would bring Lanzarote out at '2.3 Vectii'. Just don't get me started on Australia.

WHERE IS IT?

Lanzarote is one of the inhabited chain of Canary Islands, which, whilst ...
...some way south of Madeira. Lanzarote is the closest to North Africa at around 90 miles from land and 200 miles from the Moroccan port of Agadir.

Most people fly there, either from northern European destinations or take internal flights from Spain. You CAN get there by car, but the ferry from Cadiz takes you to one of the bigger Canaries, like Tenerife or Gran Canaria, from where you decant to another ferry. A flight from the London ... more

"So remind me again - you're off to Lanzagrotty next week?" asked a colleague just before the Easter school holiday.

Having now got back, I can't think what she was on about.

Sure, if you go to a popular resort like Puerto del Carmen and don't move off your deckchair until it's time to eat pizza and chips whilst watching Sky TV football, then I'd agree that it's grotty, but then, if that describes your idea of a holiday, along with cheap beer and fags, you'd love staying there.

Personally, I'd rather rent a back room at the British Legion to get the cheap beer and take a sun-lamp with me - at least I could lock the door and get away from my fellow countrymen and women (and their bloody kids).

However, if you stay somewhere like this and DON'T like it, then really you have only yourself to blame,

a) For not researching your subject first, and
b) For not getting off your arse once you got there.

Anyway, lecture over, and as you can imagine, I DIDN'T stay in Puerto del Carmen; in fact I didn't stay by the coast at all. Having said that, nowhere in Lanzarote is far from the sea. At 817 square kilometres, it's just over twice the size of the Isle Of Wight, my favourite yardstick for island measuring - perhaps I should invent a new unit called the IOW or Vectis, so that would bring Lanzarote out at '2.3 Vectii'. Just don't get me started on Australia.

WHERE IS IT?

Lanzarote is one of the inhabited chain of Canary Islands, which, whilst technically part of Spain, sits off the Moroccan coast in the Atlantic, some way south of Madeira. Lanzarote is the closest to North Africa at around 90 miles from land and 200 miles from the Moroccan port of Agadir.

Most people fly there, either from northern European destinations or take internal flights from Spain. You CAN get there by car, but the ferry from Cadiz takes you to one of the bigger Canaries, like Tenerife or Gran Canaria, from where you decant to another ferry. A flight from the London area takes about 3.5 to 4 hours depending on wind conditions. We took 4 hours going, but only 3 hours 20 minutes coming back - not bad for 2,000 miles.

Unlike Spain itself, and rather more like our own Channel Islands, EU duty tariffs do not apply, so whilst normally dutiable goods are cheaper there, beware the miserly Customs limits on tobacco, booze and that £145 worth of 'other' goods, when coming home.

No doubt this is one of the reasons why the Canaries in general are so popular with cruise ships.

THAT MOST BRITISH OF QUESTIONS

The other reason is the weather. Being on a similar latitude, the Canaries are to Europeans what Florida is to the USA, ie. a favoured winter holiday destination (OK I know it's not technically Europe) The only major difference would be the all year round tendency to be a 'bit breezy', and in fact the Lanzaroteño government have not been slow to harness wind turbine energy.

We were there for the pre-Easter week in the UK school holiday. The weather peaked at 34C on our first full day, which according to Gonzalo, our hotel owner, was excessively hot. It later settled to a more balmy 24C by lunchtime every day. For somewhere a long way out to sea, it can still be eerily airless at certain times of the day. Evenings spent outdoors could benefit from covered arms, so ladies, if you must insist on wearing a "gown-less evening strap", expect to get goose-pimples.

It goes without saying that, windy or not, sun tan lotion is strongly recommended, in fact especially when it's windy, as this lulls you into thinking that the sun isn't hot.

SO WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THE PLACE?

In common with its larger family members, Tenerife and Gran Canaria, its origins are volcanic, having risen from the sea millions of years ago, from an offshoot of the Central Atlantic Ridge, which more or less runs from Iceland to Antarctica. Its volcanic activity could be termed dormant or inactive, since there hasn't been any kind of eruption for about 300 years. However, in geological terms, this is but a pin-prick on the left buttock of time. There's nothing extinct about Lanzarote's volcanic activity, as anyone who's had their lunch cooked by geothermal energy in the Timanfaya National Park will testify.

What Lanzarote doesn't have are any of Gran Canaria's or Tenerife's lush green valleys to offset the stark beauty of the 'moonscape' that confronts you at almost every turn.

When the last eruptions occurred, lava flowed for a period of 6 years in the 1700s, leaving massive rugged areas that make your ankles hurt just imagining trying to cross them on foot. They are almost an intimidating experience, since some of the boulders that have been pushed up and thrown at crazy angles, are the size of a London bus. When you pass through these fields on new roads, you get a 'mole's-eye view' of what a newly dug flower bed would look like to a creature that size!

Nothing but viciously sharp pumice and other igneous rocks stretch for miles. The eruptions did in fact cover one quarter of the island's land mass, whilst admittedly making the island bigger in the process. Personally, with the heat haze rising from the near-black lava, I find it beautiful, in the same way that Apollo astronauts commented on the moon. At least terrain like this is safe from the property developer!

All of Lanzarote's mountains that scar the skyline are volcanic cones, and in some cases it's easy to see where the lava flows emanated, usually out of the side of the cone at a point of weakness. The top of the cone is usually reserved for the lobbing of boulder 'bombs' and ash. It therefore follows that nearly all of Lanzarote's soil is of volcanic origin, either ash thrown up from the cone, or wind-eroded lava.

As you can imagine, not a lot grows here, but thankfully for the wine drinker, the low-lying Malvasía grape vine, grafted from Cretan stock hundreds of years ago does quite well, cowering behind individual wind breaks made from pumice dry-stone walling.

As a result, the 'El Grifo' (The Griffin) vineyard produces some pretty passable reds and whites and a rather nice Rosado (rosé). The budget Blanco Seco (not the dearer aged for 4 months in barrels version) has a pale almost water-like appearance like Portuguese Vinho Verde, but is nonetheless quite full-flavoured, and is delicious chilled. It's also pretty cheap at no more than a few pounds (restaurant price).

If I had to pick say, two aspects that I found so fascinating about this place, I have to say that the way in which it's sparked a latent interest in vulcanology in me would be one, and the artist, César Manrique would be the other. To a certain extent, the island's fiery past and the life and works of Manrique are intertwined.

ALL HAIL MANRIQUE

Manrique studied along side other Iberian giants, such as Picasso and Miró, but it wasn't till he returned to his native Lanzarote, that he really started to make his mark, in so many ways. Shocked at the way tourism was changing the unique way of life, he became a self-appointed mentor of aesthetics, and on doubt made a nuisance of himself too, like those people that make a hobby of objecting to all planning applications.

Despite the fact that he died in a car crash in the 90s, ironically at a junction he'd been campaigning for to be made safer, his mark is everywhere. Sometimes, you'll come across a roundabout whose sole purpose in life is to house a Manrique sculpture. Many of these are animated, but not designed to move quickly, for fear of distracting motorists. It's more a case of 'funny, wasn't that pointing the other way yesterday?'

As an aside, some of Lanzarote's roundabouts are so huge in terms of radius (and in the middle of nowhere) that you tend to lose the plot and wonder when this one way street is ever going to straighten out!

The lack of high-rise buildings is another Manrique triumph. Having spotted the multi-storey Grand Hotel in the centre of capital Arrecife, he got the government to agree to no more tall buildings. I gained the impression that the planners sneaked this one in while he was away! He also got them to agree that any painted window frames and doors should be the traditional green to compliment the white of the walls - to this day, nearly all inland properties have their windows doors and shutters painted thus, or just plain varnished. Some blue and white exists, but only in beach areas.

One of the most interesting sites we saw was the Manrique Foundation, formerly his house. This is a sprawling single storey affair built over two enormous bubbles in the lava, from which he created underground lounges or conversation pits ('think bubbles' perhaps?). There's barely a straight line in the place, as he tried to blend with nature, rather than work against it. Massive plate glass windows give astounding panoramas of the lava fields and the mountains beyond. The white of the walls is relieved by the use of bare pumice as a building material. Heavy use of plain white is made, including floors, and you may wish to keep your sunglasses on for longer than you'd think.

A ROOM WITH A VIEW, AND OTHERS

Other Manrique heritage can be found at Mirador del Río, a lofty vantage point overlooking the straits between northern Lanzarote and the smaller island of La Graciosa. Here again, it's built like a cave to compliment the bits that really are a cave, and it makes a very suitable spot for a lunch break.

The Cactus Garden is another Manrique project, being constructed in a disused quarry. Like an inverted hanging Gardens of Babylon, there are terraces down the sides, uncluttered by anything as safety-conscious as fencing.

As with all of Lanzarote's tourist attractions, get there before the tour coaches do. A hire car is a must in these circumstances. You'll recognise the Cactus Garden by the large (Manrique, who else?) sculpture of a cactus outside in the car park.

HOT STUFF

Another place you need to get to well before lunchtime is the Timanfaya National Park, which is essentially a large tract of the volcanic areas including the main cone of the largest volcano and huge lava fields stretching down to the coast. This reserve only allows cars and buses in up to a particular assembly and parking point, where, if you wish to tour the park further, you HAVE TO get on a tour bus, but it soon becomes obvious why. The circular single-lane route carved for the buses would be highly unsuited to most drivers, and you have to pinch yourself hard to convince yourself that the buses themselves aren't on roller-coaster rails. The drivers really can handle these things, as looking for scratches and worse back at the carpark will attest.

The major problem with using a standard tour bus is that you end up taking pictures through tinted glass during their frequent stops. No-one is allowed off the bus, partly to preserve the pristine nature (well apart from the roads) of the reserve and partly for your safety. The tour takes about 30 minutes with a multilingual commentary. Some of Britain's open top buses wouldn't have gone amiss here - in fact given the weather, they'd make more sense here than they do at home!

Entry to the park is €8.00 per adult, but this includes a seat on a tour coach too. The main centre building, itself touched with the Manrique style of a minimum of straight lines, liberal use of pumice as a building stone and large panoramic windows, is also a restaurant and place where the ever-present geothermal heat just below ground level can be demonstrated in a practical way. At one point there's a griddle over a wishing-well sized hole, upon which food can be grilled. The heat rising from tens of feet down is stifling as anyone silly enough to peer over the edge will know. I don't suppose it would take long for your eyebrows to disappear either.

Park guides also entertain the crowds by throwing buckets of water down boreholes in the ground. About two seconds later, it all comes back as superheated steam in a very dramatic fashion.

Likewise, straw is bundled into a pit, only to burst into flames once it's about ten feet down.

So you see that what I said earlier about this being still active is true. All it takes is a hole ten feet deep and you can boil water in two seconds. It's a pity that they can't tap into it in much the same way as the Icelandic government have, but that would mean the precious nature of the park becomes prostituted to the mundane.

On the way out of the park, there's an excellent 'interpretation centre', giving not only the park's history, but a wider understanding of seismic and volcanic activity, including a demonstration of what the eruptions must have felt like to the peasant farmers of the day.

BNIBBLES FINALLY CAVES IN

Yet another Manrique creation is, or rather, are the 'Jameos del Agua'. Here, he had created a subterranean refuge from what was a lava tunnel created when magma cut a path down to the sea through the existing rock. On finding two places where the roof had caved in, he set about turning this into a tourist attraction. If this all sounds a bit 'fairy grotto-like', I guess it is. As you spiral down past a bar area set into (you guessed it) a volcanic bubble, you are greeted by an underground turquoise-blue lagoon which has formed from rainwater leaking in through several skylights. Here we are told lives a unique species of near-transparent and blind crab, and yes they are there. Visitors are implored NOT to throw money into it as the copper compounds may spell the death-knell for our little crustacean friends, yet still the prats do. Passing down one side of the lagoon through the tunnel to the next patch of sky, you find yourself in a more 'coutured' area, complete with a smooth-sided blue pool and palm trees leaning over it. Somehow, I half expected a dolphin show or 'Free Willie' to leap out of the water, but nothing so tasteless. It does however get a mite hot down there, sheltered from the wind, so it was with some relief that we climbed out to pass through the visitor centre which has yet another, but different exhibition of seismic and volcanic history. As usual, any adult trying to concentrate on each exhibit is barged to one side by three-foot high kids wanting to press every button and click every mouse in sight before rushing to the shop for their next sugar-fix, designed to keep their attention-span suitably short.

Kids? Luv 'em but couldn't eat a whole one!

OTHER FEATURES

To read my opinions on holiday islands, you'd think that they didn't have beaches - well of course they do; I just don't like sand in my sandwiches. Canarian beaches are famed for their rather odd black sand in places, this being ground pumice really. This can get mighty hot as matt black is just about the best colour for absorbing sunlight - don't do what I did once, which is to lay out a towel early in the morning and then by the time I'm ready for an ice-cream discover that I can't bear to walk bare-foot on the sand - of course, did I have any footwear? What d'you think? I must have cut a dashing image, waddling my way across the beach using the towel like the sack in a sack race.

Some beaches are sand as we know it, but this can vary from the real thing, wind-blown from Africa to being brought in by the ship load and dumped there from time to time.

A lot of Lanazarote's coastline is VERY rugged, especially where lava flows meet the sea, and can make for very dramatic photographs, especially where breakers meet a blow-hole! It does also have its share of long sweeping bays though, with shallow waters and 'proper sand'. Just beware the wind and look out for the safe bathing flags - we're 90 miles out into the Atlantic here.

NOSE-BAG

Canarian food is not high in specialities, at least, not the ones they unveil on the public anyway. Grilled fish and other seafood like squid features high on most menus, as it's likely to be locally caught, and given the mid-ocean location, BIG.

I have fond memories of huge cross-cut steaks of sea bass, served with Canarian new potatoes in 'papas arrugadas' style. Quite literally 'wrinkly spuds', these are cooked in such strong brine as to form a dusty salt crust when served up, along with 'mojo', a sauce served in 'green' or 'red' variants. Unlike traffic lights, it's the red variant that makes you go, being pretty damned hot with chillis. The green version is a gentler persuasion, with herbs.

Of course, being part of Spain, typical tapas also apply, and even in such a hackneyed location as Puerto Del Carmen, many restaurants serve up a daunting array of these side dishes (no doubt along with pizzas and chicken and chips). In one place we frequented, the staff were so relieved that someone actually wanted local food and was prepared to order in Spanish that we got the full treatment including free after-dinner drinks and coffees, leaving the other customers wondering what the hell was going on.

Prices are quite reasonable, and one café we frequented in El Golfo actually had a €6 lunch menu, which included a choice of starter, a choice of main course, a half carafe of house wine and dessert and coffee. I think we even got a complimentary drink on the house.

Our own hotel's restaurant at the Casério de Mozaga was formidable, except on Tuesday when it was chef's night off. On our first night there, we were remaking our plans around dining there every night, but that would have gone against most of what we holiday for. Incidentally, the hotel was owned and run by Sr. Gonzalo Bethancourt, which might sound a very un-Spanish name, and for good reason. His ancestors were amongst the first Norman-French families to people the island prior to the Spanish colonisation.

OTHER STUFF

Our hire car was a Vauxhall/Opel Meriva, which was pleasant enough, especially since it represented a size-upgrade at no charge. We paid in advance through Carjet at what I thought was a pretty reasonable £113 for the week. Lanzarote Airport is quite pleasant and hassle-free. Hire cars are kept just across the arrivals road under cover.

Beware motorways where the slip road leaves the fast lane!

Drivers here are reputed to be the worst, but all I can say is, whoever said that has never tried driving through Southall Broadway in the rush hour.

There are no trains, but frequent buses run to most parts.

Continental 220-volt plugs apply.

Goods are VAT-free but watch how much you try to bring back - they won't be so duty-free once H M Customs get their hands on them.

THAT LAST OBVIOUS QUESTION

Would I go again? Yes, but not straight away. Thanks to Manrique, it shouldn't be ruined even if left for a while!

 

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