Madam Tussaud, Amsterdam

I am not one who has been to a LOT of places. Just call me Couped Up Critter of the Century! BUT, since coming to England four years ago, I have seen a few places in Europe, and Amsterdam Holland is one that I have seen a couple times in fact. So for all you ppl out there on Ciao that have heard of and seen these Madame Tussaud wax museums too many times to count, you dont want this review, and it will be quite boring I am sure. So just scroll on ...
...it an E with a lovely smiley face that doesnt look as bored as you feel, and moooooove right on to the next review. AND I PROMISE, the E will aleviate any feelings of rejection!

But for all that couped up critters out there like me...Lets take a look inside the mystery building that is not too flame retardant!

For starters, I do believe Europe has got to have more rain fall each year than any of those well known rainforest ... more

I am not one who has been to a LOT of places. Just call me Couped Up Critter of the Century! BUT, since coming to England four years ago, I have seen a few places in Europe, and Amsterdam Holland is one that I have seen a couple times in fact. So for all you ppl out there on Ciao that have heard of and seen these Madame Tussaud wax museums too many times to count, you dont want this review, and it will be quite boring I am sure. So just scroll on down to the bottom where the ratings are, and give it an E with a lovely smiley face that doesnt look as bored as you feel, and moooooove right on to the next review. AND I PROMISE, the E will aleviate any feelings of rejection!

But for all that couped up critters out there like me...Lets take a look inside the mystery building that is not too flame retardant!

For starters, I do believe Europe has got to have more rain fall each year than any of those well known rainforest places ppl are always on about. Or, maybe I am a bit more un-educated than I thouhgt, and Europe IS the rainforest everyone keeps going on about?! All I know for sure, is that we went to Holland this summer, and it sure as heck rained every darned day of it! Thank goodness I am getting used to it, so it didnt put me off too bad. So, we had a little jaunt to the center of town that is called Amsterdam, and saw one HUGE sign advertising Madame Tussauds. Oh yeah, that is on my list of things to do before I die. So, we walked right over, in the drizzly stuff, and of course found a lovely little cue outside the door. FIGURES, first drizzle now cues. I am patient I tell you, so I waited in cue like the sweet little melting witch that I am at this point. What I didnt expect was this kind man that was passing out umbrellas to all in cue. The umbrellas of course had the Madame Tussaud logo on them....HAND STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR! Get the wallet out honey, I WANT ONE. We dont need one he says. Oh ok, I said. Then the man walked past, and ovediently remembering hubby said no, I quickly, and loudly whispered, 'Yeah we will have one of those please!' Hubby didnt know what hit him. I am just too fast sometimes. Oddly enough, he wasnt collecting money for them. He was only providing a SERVICE! HARK! Is this man being a GOOD customer rep. and giving service with a smile to us soggy bunnies! He certainly was! Well, even if I got there and the wax was all melted in the horrid heat, this place was already moving on up the scales of liking.

Once inside, we paid some exhorbitant fee that was all of like 15 euros for adults and hmph 1 euro for the child. Well, I thought about a shrinking machine and a squeeky voice that would proclaim me to be of under the 12 year age limit, but I was busted all too quickly. The clerk motioned me directly toward the first peice of work, which just happened to be Arnold Schwarzeneggar, and as she expected all thoughts of shrinking into childhood disappeared as thoughts of swooning the muscle bound god invaded my innocent deprived mind. So, as we head toward the entrance and the A.S. wax work, someone starts handing us this pack of cards and stuff, and says, 'Courtesy of Madame Tussauds' I thought, ok, I am getting used to this, first the umbrella that kept us dry (but sadly we didnt get to keep), and now these cards. COOL BEANS! I wonder if theyre wax? Quick check. Nope, just plastic. THEN to the elevator....ooooh its dark....BUT FIRST...WAIT ...there is a camera ridden feind wanting to take our piccy with Arny! OH GREAT...I hate piccys. OK...(but I am not buying that at the end of the ride fella, I dont care who it is, he is only WAX. Give me the real Arny and MAYBE, but not a wax one.) So, hubby and I dutifully pose, as son is not up on this idea. And now we go inside the elevator.

It should be said at this point, that there are exits all along the way, in case you get overly bored with the place.

When you get to your first landing place, there is a nice recording in a big open foyer, that gives you some history of Holland, and some cool effects, like a HUGE man that looks down on you as if to say in his recorded voice....'And the 11th commandment...THOU SHALT NOT LEAVE UNTIL MY LIGHT DIMS AND I SAY OK!' Right, he looks boring, so we went in the middle of his speech. Odd though, I seem to have this lisp that has developed and hasnt gone away since. Hmm,...I wonder.

Now we are into the cool bit. There are these really ancient Victorian type ppl, that are so real looking. Thus the title. If you want to know who is real .(becuase those darned workers are so always coming to life just to be funny, and they sooooooo are not!), just look at the hands. They havent got the hand detail down just right. But the rest of it, good grief, these things look too real. I almost gave the poor old man with a wooden leg a euro made of wax. Poor thing. And those haughty rich kids standing about just to be a contrast, well I nearly gave them a waxy SLAP on their waxy lil cheeky cheekbones! The good thing is, these figures arent behind bars, or ropes or anything of that sort, you can actually TOUCH them. Well, there was one behind glass, some Victorian time Dutch painter named Vermeer, I think it was. But that was because the glass was a window prop, as if you were looking at him through his shop. Very realistic, but a verrrrrrrry slow painter. He never did get that piccy painted while we were there! I dunno how he ever made any money. So, Victorian scene fully discovered, you go into a room full of more history and story about the early days of Amsterdam. Ladadadada...I am NOT into that, but the effects were cool! Lights, waxy things...all that. And at least the speech only lasted about 2 minutes. I suppose I could be polite and WAIT this time. THEN THE GOOD STUFF. People you KNOW! Well, you know, recognize anyway. BOYS, forget it, you will NOT WANT Kylie. She is a shrumpy lil thing! I mean 5'1' bloody heck, my son is taller than her, and he is only 8! Madonna, flippin heck, just as small or smaller. The thing is boys, if you are over 18 youd have to feel like a pedeophile to have these women! They look like dolls that belong in a doll house. And, supposedly these are real life sizes. I must say, as this is a review, these characters are INCREDIBLY realistic, and they have DEFINITELY got those EYES down. I swear, they look so darned real! Its just amazing. The hair is quite good too. I didnt think it looked at all wiggy. Degas nearly made me jump, he is one scary lil dutch man he is! That moustache thing was a TRIP. I wish I could have met him in real life, I coulda liked him I think. My son was very observant in noting that Tussauds was generous enough to do a sculpting of Van Gogh WITH his ear! That was kind of them. The amazing thing about these ppl, was that if you were familiar with them from t.v. or whatever, you did NOT have to read to see WHO they were. Anytime I did read the placard to see who it was, it STILL gave me no clue, because I had never seen them! Toward the end of this SELF GUIDED TOUR (thank goodness, I dont need anyone droning on and on about ppl I am already familiar with, let alone ppl I am NOT), was my favourite bit. THOSE BLASTED POLITICIANS! Oh we do NOT want to get me started. And as dear old Bushy Bush was behind a podium, supposedly giving a speech, and there was an open podium beside him, well, I just had to go up, stand behind the open podium and flick a V at him for the camera! So, been there done that, no one needs to think they had the idea first. Because I DID! And, dont try to contradict me, you wont win. IT WAS MY IDEA FIRST IT WAS! But, I think I was a bit insulting, (and this was HONESTLY a mistake), because we passed these wax ppl that were obviously royalty...and I had no idea Holland had their own royal system, so I thought it was Queen and family. I said, 'Who the heck is that, because if THAT is Elizabeth that is ONE work they got wrong. SHE LOOKS HORRIBLE!' I'll be damned if it wasnt the Dutch Queen mother and daughter. OOPS! That did make me feel bad (no joking at all here...so be careful if you go not to think its the English royals!) Now, out the door again, we are past the singers, the movie stars, the artists, the ancients of the Victorian times, and all those lousy politicians (and yes, by the way, a MUCH younger Tony Blair was there, and my hubby gave him RABBIT EARS...also a first I am sure!) and now that is the end of the tour. And through the next door, whats this? Can it be? A GIFT SHOP and not an exit? And you have to walk all the way through to get to the exit? Why surely they didnt PLAN this?! But, right at the other side of this door you have just passed through, is a long table. AND LOW AND BEHOLD, the piccys from the beginning of our journey. Out they come with this large 6 x 8 inch photo of hubby and me. we give them the obligatory smile, and a little glance at the photo, hating it MUCH more than expected and say, 'No thank you, we REALLY dont like this piccy!' Oh no, the man says, ITS FREE! But we still dont want it. 'So throw it away he says, with a sly grin.' Ok, I wasnt sure if they were being kind by trying to pawn off their photo on us, or if they were being mean and spiteful ppl, but we took the damned photo and threw it away. We REALLLLLLLLLLLY didnt like it. Souvenir my butt, Id rather buy one without my face on it thank you very much. But, the too cool thing was, there was a place where you could have your OWN hand made of wax, which for some strange reason was CLOSED when we got there, and no sign of when they planned to return. And I already had my hand in my hubbys pocket reaching for the damned wallet too! But, we didnt get to buy THAT souvenir, and it would have been nice.

After returning home, we had a look through these cards. WAY COOL BEANS, they were pictures and facts about EVERY PIECE OF WORK in the museum. Well worth a fiver these high quality, nicely glossed cards were. But, we got them free. My, my, my the museum that just keeps on giving.

OPINION:
I thought a story walk through was much better than a list of facts, and so the reason for choosing to write the review this way. I just want to say, that this museum was WELL worth its cost, and a real enjoyable treat. My son liked it, as he didnt get bored, and he could touch the works and look up close, and my hubby liked it, (probably would have liked it better if he could have touched the boobs up close, but I would have turned him into a shrivelled up piece of pulp to add to the next peice of wax, and he bloody well knows it, poor man), and I LOVED IT! I thought it was very well laid out, and enjoyable to walk through. Plenty of space to see around ppl and walk past ppl that couldnt get enough. Also, it was quick and easy to get through, or you could take your time. i think that if you are in Amsterdam it is well worth a visit! Now then, where to next...... 

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