When floral sheep can talk then Maidstone will be the centre of the universe. Huh? Well when you arrive in Maidstone by train, bus, bicycle or on foot one of the first things you will see as you walk up the High Street from the River Medway will be a humongous sheep-thing, a statue with many hundreds of fluffy white flowers hanging from it. This is just one of many reasons why Maidstone will never be the centre of the universe (unless God in all his almighty wisdom has made a terrible error) and why, although it is to officially become a city next year, in will never become a hub of entertainment. Floral sheep and traditional “county shows” are definitely preferred here to themeparks and rock festivals.

In fact the few short years of my life have seen me born in Newcastle, living in London, Cambridgeshire and South Wales before being uprooted once again to resettle in Kent, which happened about two and a half years ago. I hope therefore that I can give an honest and useful opinion on the urban region that I now call “home”. It is quite a unique place, full of independently minded people who I’m sure would make expert ciaoers, but is unfortunately in my opinion a conservative bastion, with many old-fashioned views remaining prevalent due to the strength of feeling of the many old-fashioned people. Now this is not always a bad think, so I’ll use the next couple of pages to elaborate, hopefully without sending you to sleep (many churners have written opinions shorter than this introduction)!

So, we moved into our new accommodation on New Year’s Eve and within a few days I was to gain my first real experience of Maidstone. It certainly appeared modern compared to Wales, with a good bus service and an outstanding award-winning Park & Ride, much better than the intermittent and overcrowded Cambridge P & R, for example. Buses from four locations (one each side of the town) cost just £1 return for adults, are free for children (U16- must be with adult, although several children may be with one adult) and depart every six minutes. There is ample parking space and the buses are rarely crowded; you can nearly always get a seat. Approaching Maidstone I was intrigued and even awed by the electronic display boards saying how many spaces remained in each of Maidstone’s four main car parks (and there nearly always is space if you don’t wish to make use of the Park & Ride!), although on reflection this is a minor thing, but you don’t get such things in Wales (the same goes for the electronic board in Week street telling shoppers of approaching public events in Maidstone). There are also quite a variety of shops, in both the Chequers Centre and Week Street (the main pedestrian zone, just off the high street and about 100m from the Chequers Centre). These include JJBSports and First Sport for the more athletic among us, a largish Sports Soccer for those like me with very little money, Boots, Iceland, BHS, Gamleys, Halfords, V-shop, HMV, Dixons, Marks & Spencer, WHSmith, Woolworths, Argos, Electroniques Boutique, several mobile phone shops, several newsagents and a large number of other outlets for various products. The shop to visit is: Bionics; an independent music store that has a huge range of cheap CDs, from the latest release to timeless classics to virtually unheard of Punk groups, there is something for everybody. On the gastronomic front choice is limited and is not for those who have a refined taste (no problems for me) as this area is dominated by two McDonalds, a KFC and a Burger King. There are a couple of coffee shops and two Pizza Hut’s, but for better food seek out the restaurants on the roads that lead from Week street to the river; as well as a very good Pizza Express there is a nice (if expensive) Chinese and a very nice Mexican place!

After about six months we had sold our old house and were therefore looking to move out of the rented house and into somewhere more permanent. Now, I will reiterate again the major drawback of living in Maidstone: it is expensive! Areas to avoid due to their reputation for drink, drugs and other criminal activity include Tovil, Shepway and Senacre, so best avoid these. However most places are fine and we eventually found the perfect house (and not too extortionate pricewise!) in a suburb in the east of town called Bearsted. It has a real village feel (it used to be separate from Maidstone) but at the same time is not too far (about a half hour walk, or 10 minute bus journey) from the town centre so there is easy access to the shops, restaurants, pubs, clubs and everything else that Maidstone houses. Indeed perhaps Maidstone’s greatest achievement is that there is a truly rural feel despite the urban surroundings that enable so many excellent services to be provided, although this feel is partly due to the attitudes of the inhabitants.

THE GRAMMAR SCHOOL SYSTEM~ If you are wondering what people in Kent are like, then this may give you some idea. Grammar schools were abolished by most of the country twenty years (or more) ago in favour of all-inclusive comprehensives. It is in some ways a self-supporting system, as those who attend grammar schools inevitably end up supporting them, but it must be remembered that 75% of people do not make it to grammar schools (after failing, or perhaps not even bothering to take, and exam at the age of 11). Upon moving to Kent I was adamantly against this for these reasons- it is in my opinion unfair to give 75% of people a worse education when they are the ones most in need of a good education. I am not saying that community schools do a bad job, but they unfortunately end up with larger numbers of disruptive pupils making it a very uphill struggle for teachers. The plus side of the grammar school system is that if you are in that top 25% you get a better education, with less risk of bullying and less peer pressure as there are as disruptive pupils are by and large sieved out by the selection process. My viewpoint regarding the ethics has already been known, and furthermore grammar schools undeniable create elitism, with grammar school pupils (and many of them my friends, and very friendly people) looking down arrogantly upon the less fortunate who are not in such a privileged position educationally. And the problems don’t stop there; the traditional values of grammar schools lead to large numbers of snobs, while the heavier than usual peer pressure placed upon those in community schools, essentially by bullies, creates a large of dropouts and what are described locally as “chavs”, essentially thugs (for want of a better, universal word) who make everybody’s life a misery. So, overall, I would call this a disadvantage of living in Kent. My ranting son this topic could go on, but I’ll save that for Member Advice On Education.

ATTRACTIONS~ In my opinion Maidstone would not be a great place to visit as a tourist, but still quite a large number seem to come and have a look around. Leeds castle is probably the most famous, being situated just outside Maidstone in a small village called Leeds (bearing as far as I am aware no relation to the large city called Leeds somewhere up north- i.e. Yorkshire). It is an old (well it would hardly be new) perfectly maintained castle and a really stunning sites. Furthermore it frequently hosts concerts, usually of the classical variety but Elton John of all people did make an appearance last year I think. Maidstone does have a museum, in Faith street, but I have never paid it a visit, and there a re a couple of old-looking churches, but I can’t really think of anything else there is for tourists other than the usual cinema, ten-pin bowling etc. (but no ice rink).

There is probably so much more I could say; I should perhaps mention the lovely Mote Park, a perfect place to visit with a footy, a few drinks and of course a few mates, and of course the various nightlife features (ssssh- I’m only 17 and shouldn’t know). In all seriousness the biggest proper nightclub is Ikon, which is unfortunately expensive and full of chavs, while the best pubby pub is probably Muggletons in the centre of town. The Union Bar is a good place to go late on and usually has small, local groups playing (and occasionally bigger groups, such as Ash) but is very lax indeed on underage drinkers (well that isn’t a bad thing for me, but…). Also worth visiting are Jumpin Jacks, the place of the moment, and Skippies, the tacky but cheap (if you get the special offers) bar/club.

Oh, and you get a free wheelie-bin with your house, and green garden sacks collecting fortnightly and used as compost (not shoved into a whole in the ground). Maidstone is good at little things like that.