This review was originally written as a guide to Ciao members about to attend a get-together in the town of Maidstone. As a town to live in it has numerous advantages, but I find it hard to defend it against the charge of being a bit dull. Holding the Ciao Meet there was one minor attempt to liven it up. A more desperate attempt still is to be found at the end of this review, in the form of a little quiz which attendees were invited to complete, with prizes for the best entries. The answers to the quiz and the prize-winners are now shown below.
I must confess to having rather mixed feelings about Maidstone. Obviously, it must have something going for it or I wouldn't have stayed here for over twenty years, but it's hard to make its attractions sound very out of the ordinary, or indeed very attractive. Maidstone is a practical and prosperous town. Although a community in its own right, not just a commuter dormitory, it is conveniently close to London. It is also convenient for reaching the continent. It offers copious, if rather unoriginal, opportunities for shopping and entertainment. There is some attractive countryside nearby. It stands at the heart of a varied and interesting county.
Perhaps long familiarity has bred imperviousness to Maidstone's charms, but what it seems to me to lack is character. As you approach along the M20 you will see the brown signposts pointing you towards "Historic Maidstone" but little of the history is visible when you reach the centre. Such ancient buildings as remain are dotted about; there is no central district that preserves an old town atmosphere. Much of the middle has been ripped out to make way for two shopping centres, and a busy roadway runs alongside the river Medway, ensuring that there is little peace or quiet to be found there, not close to the town centre anyway.
Nevertheless, let us seek out and accentuate the positive.
* History *
Maidstone is indeed historic in that there has been a settlement here since Roman times, but not in having been the scene of any decisive battles, treaties or world-shaking events. Its main claim to historic fame was as the epicentre of Sir Thomas Wyatt's anti-Catholic uprising of 1554, which was rapidly suppressed by Queen Mary, with the result that Maidstone was deprived of its status as Kent's county town until Queen Elizabeth 1's accession a few years later. Somehow, this hardly seems seismic in its significance; I would guess it barely rates as even a tremor on the historic Richter Scale.
I shall save the town's other, lesser, claims to fame for the quiz below.
* Architecture *
You would not go to Maidstone, as you might to Canterbury or Tunbridge Wells, to admire its buildings, but there are some worthy of note. The Archbishop's Palace, which dates from the 14th Century, fronts (or, more accurately, backs) handsomely onto the Medway, while the adjacent parish church of All Saints is one of the largest examples of perpendicular church architecture in England. The Maidstone Carriage Museum is located in a former 14th Century stables opposite, and this corner of Maidstone is designated a conservation area, but it is cut through by a busy one-way system, meaning that the traffic dispels any atmosphere. Another fine building - a former Elizabethan Manor House - houses the Maidstone Museum, but in another part of town.
On the main shopping streets (High Street, King Street, Earl Street) there remain one or two attractive old commercial buildings and shop frontages, so it is worth raising your eyes as you wander round, but the overall impression falls short of the quaint.
* Museums and Art Galleries *
The Maidstone Carriage Museum apparently contains one of the finest collections of horse-drawn vehicles in Europe, including royal and state coaches, if you like that kind of thing. Come to think of it, it contains the collection even if you don't like that kind of thing. Personally, I'm lukewarm; to my eternal discredit, and despite entry being free, I have never visited it during all my time in Maidstone. I have been to the Maidstone Museum, which holds an eclectic collection of collections encompassing natural history, costume, archaeology, Japanese, medieval, ceramics, dinosaurs and fossils, and an Egyptian Mummy. Well worth an hour or so, but not much more unless you have a specialised interest.
The Bentlif Art Gallery, which shares the old manor house with the Maidstone Museum has a rather undistinguished collection of 18th and 19th century European and English paintings, but also stages a varied programme of temporary exhibitions that are sometimes more exciting.
Just out of town is the Museum of Kent Life, centred on some ancient farm buildings including Britain's last traditional working oast house, but it is largely outdoors with herb, hop and kitchen gardens, and farm animals. Good for kids.
* Entertainment *
Entertainment in Maidstone is much what you'd expect of a medium-sized provincial town: it exists, but it's not exactly the West End or Broadway. The Hazlitt Theatre in the town centre is well-appointed and stages a varied programme of plays, panto, music, comedy turns and similar fare. Some shows are allocated to the adjacent Exchange, which makes up for the Hazlitt's relative sophistication with very basic decor and seats that are literally a pain in the backside. Unfortunately, it's also where The Maidstone Film Society holds its meetings and screenings. I have never experienced the Comedy Club on Union Street, but reports do not lead me to believe I've missed anything.
A new purpose-built multiplex Odeon cinema has replaced the old town centre fleapit, which had much more character. However, the multiplex is technically superior, comfortable and shows all the latest releases, if not much else.
Night life is provided by numerous restaurants and clubs, which become very lively at weekends. Earl Street, where the Hazlitt stands, seems to have evolved into the centre for eating out, with many chain restaurants - for example Zizzi's, Mexxa Mexxa, and Pizza Express - represented. For Italian, though, I would go further down the road to Prezzo. For haut, or would-be haut, cuisine, Le Soufflé at Bearsted has a good reputation, but is pricy. Lashings, on Upper Stone Street, is more famous for its cricket team - which coopts some international stars - than for its cuisine.
Now that I'm a bit long in the tooth for clubbing, I am ill-equipped to make recommendations in this sphere, but my younger son did work as a barman for a while at Strawberry Moons on Gabriel's Hill and brought back hair-raising tales of drunken excess, so maybe that's the one to go for.
* Parks and Gardens *
Mote Park consists of the grounds of a former stately home; its tranquil parkland and gardens are quite close to the town centre. Apart from plenty of green space to wander around in, it offers a lake for boating, a sports centre with swimming pool, and a cricket ground at which Kent county matches are occasionally played.
The Maidstone Millennium River Park is a rather grandiose name for a 10km walkway along the banks of the River Medway. Through the middle of town it is no more than a footpath/route along the pavements, but its title is more meaningful to either end, especially north of the town towards Allington, where some adjacent parkland has been opened up, even though it still a bit raw in its landscaping.
The Medway, incidentally, is the scene of the Maidstone River Festival, held on the last weekend of July, when flag-flying boats foregather, firework displays take place, and a suitable excuse is provided for some further revelry, if any excuse were needed.
* Around and About *
Central Maidstone is only one part of the local story. Outlying districts, even where now contiguous with the town, often retain their village charm: Bearsted, with its green where cricket is played in summer; Loose, in a valley with a river running through it; Leeds, with its Castle.
Leeds Castle is, of course, famously picturesque with its moat and parkland, but not cheap to visit. If you only want to see the grounds, and don't want to pay, the thing to do is follow the public footpath out through the back of Leeds churchyard. Stoneacre, at Otham, is a National Trust property - a well-preserved 15th Century half-timbered yeoman's house, with a small but beautiful garden. The Carmelite Monastery at Aylesford is also open to the public, but Allington Castle is not.
The surrounding countryside is excellent for walking; hilly for views, and varied with farmland, woods and orchards. The North Downs Way passes to the north, the Greensand Way to the south, the Medway Valley Walk through the middle. The Weald Way is also nearby. Purists might argue that the area is a bit too populous, but that means there are plenty of villages, often with pubs and tearooms, at which to pause for refreshment.
* Shopping *
These days it is hard to distinguish one town centre from another: all the same chain stores seem to be represented. Alas, Maidstone is no exception, especially since the Borough Council, perhaps worried that business might be lost to nearby Bluewater, allowed a second shopping centre to be built on the site of the old brewery, now known as Fremlins Walk. The mainstay is a House of Fraser department store, but either here, or in the earlier Chequers Mall or in the streets between them, you can spot all the usual suspects: M&S, Boots, Woolworths, WH Smiths, BHS, Argos, Matalan Next, Superdrug, Curry's, Wilkinsons, Body Shop, Top Shop, Pastimes, Lush, Mothercase, Primark, Jessops, Waterstones, Holland and Barrett…. need I go on? There are a few individual shops remaining from Maidstone's past, and some little boutiquey places, but none, I think, that you would make a special diversion to the town to visit.
Needless to say, all the big supermarket chains are also in the vicinity: Sainsburys, Iceland and Lidl in the centre; Tesco, Morrisons, Waitrose and Netto around the outskirts; Asda about eight miles out towards Chatham.
Oh, and all the usual banks, building societies and travel agents too. On the positive side, there is a market on Tuesdays and Saturdays. And plenty of cafés and pubs to provide a respite from shopping.
* Industry and Employment*
As an industrial centre, Maidstone is not what it was once. Brandnames that were big in my boyhood - Sharps Toffee, for example, and Fremlins Beer - have waned, if they exist at all. The only brewery is now Goacher's one-pub operation at Tovil. Cloth and paper-making used to be big locally, and Aylesford Newsprint still has a huge hangar belching out steam and lit by floodlights at night beside the M20, but I understand it is now almost entirely devoted to recycling.
However, there are still plenty of local businesses, and many people commute into London. As county town Maidstone has council offices and the headquarters of Kent Police. It also has a Crown Court, and the legal practices that attracts. There is the prison, and a big barracks, headquarters of the Royal Engineers, to the north of the town.
In all, although there are a few run-down areas, local unemployment is low by national standards, and Maidstone has a busy and prosperous air.
* Education and Health *
Maidstone has no university but does have an Art College with a good reputation and some distinguished alumni. Tracey Emin was also there.
At secondary level, Kent is one of the few counties to have retained selection, and there are three grammar schools - one for boys, two for girls - with excellent track records. There is a public school at Sutton Valence, just out of town.
Maidstone General Hospital, just over twenty years old, is modern and well-equipped. Like many others, though, it does currently have major problems with antibiotic-resistant "super-bugs".
* Transport and communications *
Maidstone is easily reached, or escaped from. Maidstone East station is about an hour's journey from London Victoria. Alternatively, it's possible to go to Maidstone West or Maidstone Barracks from Charing Cross/Waterloo/London Bridge by a tortuous route involving a change of trains. There are also frequent coaches.
Maidstone is just off the M20 motorway. At dead of night, with a following wind, it might be possible to complete the forty miles to central London in under an hour. At rush hour, don't even think about it. Similarly, connecting with the M25 orbital motorway twenty miles up the road theoretically allows easy access to the rest of the country. Theoretically. It's much less congested, and puts one in a better mood, to drive the other way to the Eurotunnel Terminal (about 35 minutes) or Dover Docks (under an hour).* * The verdict * *
If all this has made Maidstone sound much like anywhere else, it is because it is much like anywhere else of equivalent size in Southern England. I do not say this is a disparaging way; Southern England is a pleasant enough place to live, and Maidstone is a pleasant enough town. It is serviceable, functional and altogether works pretty well. I can't complain, even of its dullness. After all, if it's really dull, why have I chosen to live here, unless I am dull myself, of course?
Still, somehow I feel I may not have said enough to entice you to visit. Hence the Prize Quiz:
* * * PRIZE QUIZ * * *
Apart from what has been related above, there many other things about Maidstone that are interesting, little-known and true. Unfortunately, few if any are all three. Those that are interesting tend to be little-known for the awkward reason that they aren't true. And vice versa.
With this in mind, people which of the following statements are TRUE and which are FALSE:
1. The town's name derives from the primitive local practice of stoning spinsters, not finally curtailed until the reign of Queen Elizabeth I, to whom - given her reputation as a virgin queen - it was considered disrespectful.
FALSE: The name does literally mean 'stone of the maidens' (Anglo-Saxon Mægthan stan) but was probably not meant in that sense, and, even if it were, certainly not as late as the 16th century. Young women, so my son tells me, still get stoned (in another sense again) in the town's hostelries, but this does not seem to depend upon them being maidens. Even if they start off as maidens, they probably won't be for long.
2. Maidstone won the right to call itself county town of Kent from Canterbury as the result of a game of chequers between the Earl of Winchelsea (also Viscount of Maidstone) and the Archbishop of Canterbury in 1372. This success is commemorated to this day in the naming of the Chequers Shopping Centre and numerous local inns called The Chequers.
FALSE: I have been unable to discover when, how and why Maidstone rather than Canterbury became county town of Kent, but I think we can safely say it was not in the manner described, and that the popularity of Chequers in local nomenclature must have another origin. Viscount of Maidstone was, however, indeed a subsidiary title of the Earl of Winchelsea. What a mouthful of a moniker.
3. The hill up (and down) which the Grand Old Duke of York famously marched his10,000 men was the escarpment at Coxheath, on the southern outskirts of Maidstone. "And when they were up they were up they were up, and when they were down they were down, and when they were only half way up, they were neither up nor down," as you may remember. The Greensand Way passes (near enough) through the point at which they were neither up nor down.
TRUE: Coxheath was used as a staging area for soldiers awaiting posting to the Napoleonic wars. In 1804, 10,000 soldiers were reviewed by the Duke of York who had them march up and down the hill, part of the greensand ridge that runs through Kent and Surrey. The Greensand Way is a great walk, incidentally.
4. Coxheath's more recent claim to fame is as the original venue of the World Custard Pie Championships, which imitated the custard pie throwing fights characteristic of the silent comedy movies of the 1920s and 30s.
TRUE: Splattt! They were first introduced as part of the village fete, despite which they achieved worldwide publicity. But in 1982, the originator, Mike Fitzgerald, moved to Ditton on the other side of Maidstone and took the championships with him.
5. Maidstone Barracks railway station had to be built on the opposite side of the Medway from the barracks because the influential Lord Cardigan, who commanded the cavalry there, regarded the train as a rival to the horse. This was before his less successful campaign leading the Charge of the Light Brigade.
FALSE: It is true that the station is across the Medway from the barracks, where light cavalry were indeed stationed prior to the Crimean War at about the time the railway was being built, but there is no record that the station's location had anything to do with Lord Cardigan, or that he was ever stationed at Maidstone. I'll bet the old swine did hate trains though.
6. Betjeman's famous line "Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough" originally referred to Maidstone, but he was bullied into changing it by his Kentish publisher.
FALSE: Maidstone may be dull but it could never compete with Slough for bomb-friendliness.
7. Local artist Ralph Steadman once illustrated a calendar for the outlying village of Loose, featuring the Loose Women's Institute and the Loose Bow(e)ls Club.
TRUE: I have a copy that I am keeping in the forlorn hope that it will one day be worth something.
8. The word "barmy" to mean mentally unstable comes from Barming, a district with a famous mental hospital, just as the word "borstal" to mean juvenile offenders' institution comes from the village north of Maidstone of that name.
TRUE: Though there is an alternative explanation involving a derivation from the word "barm" meaning the froth on beer. Why this should be supposed to make you mad is unclear, however, whilst time spent in the Barming institution would have put paid to anyone's sanity.
9. In 1996 Maidstone Borough Council invested in an 18ft high statue of a sheep decorated with flowers to stand in one of the main streets. Its decoration is still renewed each year, but it is now shamefully hidden behind the Chequers Shopping Centre car park.
TRUE: It's a splendid beast, especially in it springtime floral fleece, and well worth the £20,000 price tag. The only sad thing is that having made such an uncharacteristically off-the-wall and flamboyant gesture the council seem to want to hide the evidence.
10. Maidstone Police Station features in numerous classic detective stories, including The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle, and The History of Mr Polly by H G Wells.
FALSE: It does feature in a Sherlock Holmes story, but The Black Baronet, not the Hound of the Basks; it also features in The History of Mr Polly, but this is not a detective story.
11. A male born at the town's main hospital prior to 1983 will now have grown up to be a Man of Kent. One born in Maidstone Hospital since 1983 is irredeemably condemned to be known merely as a Kentishman.
TRUE: The dividing line for the two terms is the Medway, which runs to the west of the town centre where the old hospital stood, but beyond which the new hospital is to be found. Why this division should exist, and why anyone should care, I have been unable to discover.
12. The world's earliest recorded speeding offence took place in Maidstone borough. In 1896, Walter Arnold, the first Briton to build a petrol-engined car, was hurtling through Paddock Wood at 8mph - four times the then speed limit - when he passed a police constable who pursued the car on his bicycle and soon overtook Arnold, who was fined the ruinous sum of one shilling (5p).
FALSE: But only by a low piece of skulduggery on my part. Poor old Arnold was nicked exactly as related, but Paddock Wood is in Tunbridge Wells borough, not Maidstone.
13. Maidstone is twinned with Beauvais in France, with Enotsdiam in Holland. For some illogical reason twinning with two other towns is not known as tripleting.
FALSE: Enotsdiam is not so much double-Dutch as backslang.
14. The stone quarried locally is known as "rag", and the expression "student rag" originates with student riots in the nineteenth century when such stones were thrown at the police who tried to break them up.
FALSE: Any connection between Kentish ragstone and student exuberance has evaded the attention of history.
15. During the 2001 UK general election, 'I Love Ann Widdecombe' underwear was the top-selling item at Politico's Bookstore, a London shop devoted to political merchandise - a tribute to Maidstone's MP and unlikely sex symbol.
TRUE: Even if unbelievable.
16. Bluebell Hill north of Maidstone boasts a ghost, a woman who steps out in front of cars, who was seen by 41 people in 20 sightings between 1950 and 2003. An interchange with the A2(M) was then built at the site of the sightings, but she is yet to cause any motorway pile-ups with her inconsiderate jay-walking.
TRUE: But Bluebell Bill can't compete with Pluckley, just a few miles down the road towards Ashford, a village with about a dozen ghosts among its residents.
17. Leeds Castle on the outskirts of Maidstone, used as a set in the TV series about Henry VIII, was the real-life childhood home of his second wife Anne Boleyn.
FALSE: But sneaky again; she grew up at Hever Castle near Edenbridge, and was only later on in life to be found at Leeds.
18. The town's coat of arms is supported by the figures of a golden lion and an iguanodon, the latter being the only known representation of this dinosaur in British heraldry.
TRUE: The fossilised remains of said iguanodon where found at nearby Lenham in 1834 and were first complete set of fossilised dinosaur bones to be discovered anywhere in the world. Now there's something to be proud of.
19. Notwithstanding anything implied to the contrary above, entering "Maidstone Kent boring trivia" into Google generates only 12 results.
FALSE: Though true when this review was first posted in 2003, the number has now grown to 191. In just three years Maidstone has become 16 times as boring, or maybe 16 times as trivial, or so it would appear.
20. For this question, people were asked to come up with a plausible and entertaining, but nevertheless false, additional "fact" about Maidstone
* * * * * *
Diane (Princess Di) won the prize for the most correct answers.
Answers to Q20 varied from the simply misleading to the fanciful. Among the more inventive were Paul99ine's "Maidstone is a totally mythical town which runs along a parallel universe to ours. The inhabitants clone themselves to enable them to live in both worlds" and tazzywazzy's charming "maidstone is actually named maidstone because once upon a time it was a tiny tiny village (actually it was a single maiden living in a er....tent) and she was always stoned, hence maidstone - do I win a prize?"
But in the end, Andrew (coleecip) won the prize for the most credible answer: "The borough council and the county council stand on opposing sides of Maidstone (County at East and Borough at West) due to a neighbourhood dispute between the then mayor Heathcliff Underhill QC in 1925. At the time the councils were situated on the same site, but the chairman of the borough council, Mr. Smith, at the time encroached 4 inches into his neighbour's Mr. Underhill's rear garden and refused to removed the fence which lead to Mr. Underhill letting loose Mr. Smith's horses which then ran riot through the town. The dispute was never calmed and the result was that the Borough Council was forced to move to "that part of town where he [Mr. Smith] belongs."
Hard to believe that isn't true, given the state of local politics, but it is not to be found in the local history books.
In any case, two such books were awarded as prizes.
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