For the uninitiated, there’s such a thing as “Cockney Rhyming slang”; somewhat unique, I guess, to the UK – and particularly to the East End of London. Examples include: “Apples and pairs” – Stairs; “Trouble and strife” – Wife. Bonus question – what does “Bristol City” (or a pair of them) evoke? Think carefully! Answers on a postcard, please - although I have to say that, with the huge numbers of young girls walking around in skirts resembling belts, my attention was drawn away from their “Bristols”.

Why, though, did we go? We were booked in for two nights at the Bath Hilton (about 15 miles away) for our wedding anniversary. I thought it might be a good idea to cut the journey up a bit and started playing about with “Priceline”. They’re absolute fiends! You select a location (in this case, Bristol). You select a quality level (in this case, four star). You give your credit card details. You make a ridiculous bid (in this case, £40). You wait to be committed to a random hotel of their choice…

Arriving in Bristol mid-afternoon on the M32 motorway, we hung a left and there was the hotel. Very easily spotted, this 10 storey building was not particularly attractive from the outside. After a few circuits of the adjacent roundabout, we finally found the correct turning and were soon in the car park next to the hotel.

It was an extraordinarily hot day and our room was very efficiently – if also very noisily – air-conditioned. Typically L-shaped, with the very well-appointed bathroom (with a fantastic 5-position massage power shower) leading off from the right hand side of the entry lobby, we had a comfortable bedroom with plenty of storage space, comfortable seating, colour TV with information systems and a huge and very comfortable bed. When I say “huge”, by the way, I mean that when bed-time came, Amanda and I could lie on opposite sides of the bed with me being totally unable to reach her Bristols. And I’ve got fairly long arms! It must, anyway, have been at least seven feet wide. The cot, which we’d ordered for Josh was in situ on arrival – and that’s most unusual. We normally have to ‘phone housekeeping to get it delivered, even if we’ve ordered it in advance. I was very impressed. There was a balcony, but an awful view. I didn’t care; I’d asked for a smoking room and, as ever, had been thwarted in that respect. I forgot the heat as I ventured out of the air-conditioned bliss into the muggy heat outdoors to enjoy a cigarette and listen to the oft-repeated sirens of passing police cars. And there were many! They continued long into the night.

We returned to our room. There’s plenty of reading material if, like me, you prefer staying up late. There were three ‘phone directories, a “Gideon Bible”, a Mormon Bible. Oh - and an “I did it my way” kind of thing by J W Marriott Jnr. It sent me to sleep in that big, comfortable bed, knowing that Marriott don’t have any employees but, instead, employ “Associates”.