Old Montreal

Served by three different metro stops, Old Montreal is the best place to go in Montreal for some ol' fashioned shopping fun. There are restaurants, and pubs, and some statues there, as well as some massive buildings that are of negligible importance and lots of craft shops. Built in the 1600's, a time when the British were sailing over in their droves to show the natives the joy they could have if they were to give us all their natural resources, Old Montreal was actually built up by the French settlers, who were less concerned with stealing everything they could find, more interested in building places to have sex in. (Note: as with everything I write, this review contains facts which can be accurately described as 'made up', and I do very little research, if any.) It was built as a fortification really, to keep the Brits out. After the French army inevitably surrendered and let us take over, the city became the political centre of the county, and the presence of the old port made it the best place for trading and commercial interests. Over the centuries, we stopped using it, and it became the financial capital of the town, then lost the political importance 'cos of Ottawa, and in 1960 became a heritage site. The banks and important people have all generally moved away to better places now, but the old buildings still remain.

We're now walking along this road, going… right, because at the end of this road somewhere is the birthplace of the city (don't you miss it when Torr and Koshkha write these sort of reviews? They're well better than I am - but I make some delightful errors in grammar, so it all equals out). This stands right opposite the Old Port, and is a big white obelisk. It's worth having a little look, and right next to it is the Museum of Archaeology and History, where you can find out all about how Britain and France 'developed' the place and in no way drained it and sold everything they could find on for profit. You can go right up to the Obelisk and touch it, although this is discouraged because it's downright tacky. Saint-Paul itself is a really cosy spot, the roads are narrow and people walk wherever they want even though the occasional car tries to get through, and this is where you can find some of the quainter shops and cafes. When I went we chose to eat in a pub, but if you have more taste than us there are a number of posh places back in Jacques-Cartier.

He's looking up at another astonishing building, the Notre-Dame Basilica. Built in 1824, refurnished later by the Victorians, it is as stunning to look at outside as it is inside, although I say that as a person who did not go inside, as they charge you for the pleasure. Like I always say - don't pay for anything. Ever. It gets lit up at night, and looks ever so pretty, as do all the buildings around this area, during certain times of the year. You can take a tour of Old Montreal which is probably less confusing than this one, and you can take it during the day or at night as you please. No idea how much it costs, because again - I ain't paying for stuff. Walk on, past the daunting courthouses, and you'll hopefully be somewhere near Place Jacques-Cartier again. I hope. Please don't use this review as an actual map round the place, you'll just get lost and start hating me/hating me more. This time though, you'll be stood away from the slope of the square and instead be facing The City Hall, my favourite of all the buildings around here, if only because it has two different colours. The main body of it is white and pale and very stately, with a clock and stuff, but the roof and tower is green, which really stands out. I believe the reason for this was because of a fire or something that they had in the early 1900's and they had to rebuild it, they probably hired some colour-blind builders or something to fix it all up again for them.