Author's product rating: 
| Advantages: |
Nice way to spend the day, if you like walking and such |
| Disadvantages: |
A passion for architecture is required, walking is a tiring thing to do |
| Recommend to potential buyers: |
yes |
Old Montreal
"A bilingual nation, Canada mandates that most services and communications be provided to all situations in both official languages."
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"Une nation bilingue, Canada exige que la plupart des services et communicatons soient fournis a tous les citoyens dans le deux langues officelles, meme si une de ces langues est une insulte a notre heritage et merite d'etre interdite dans tout le Quebec."
~ from 'The Onion's Our Dumb World'
There is a part of Montreal which is not as young as the rest of it. A place where the buildings are older than any others in the city. Never one to miss up on an opportunity, the Canadians named it "Old Montreal". With the creation of this place, Canada now has the global monopoly on places named after exactly what they are, as they also have "The Underground City", which is a city that is underground, and "The Old Port", which is less young than the new port. And so begins a mildly ridiculous review on Old Montreal - a super place to brutally injure your ankle on old cobble roadways.
Served by three different metro stops, Old Montreal is the best place to go in Montreal for some ol' fashioned shopping fun. There are restaurants, and pubs, and some statues there, as well as some massive buildings that are of negligible importance and lots of craft shops. Built in the 1600's, a time when the British were sailing over in their droves to show the natives the joy they could have if they were to give us all their natural resources, Old Montreal was actually built up by the French settlers, who were less concerned with stealing everything they could find, more interested in building places to have sex in. (Note: as with everything I write, this review contains facts which can be accurately described as 'made up', and I do very little research, if any.) It was built as a fortification really, to keep the Brits out. After the French army inevitably surrendered and let us take over, the city became the political centre of the county, and the presence of the old port made it the best place for trading and commercial interests. Over the centuries, we stopped using it, and it became the financial capital of the town, then lost the political importance 'cos of Ottawa, and in 1960 became a heritage site. The banks and important people have all generally moved away to better places now, but the old buildings still remain.
As the adorable slideshow on Old Montreal's website says, the whole of this area is walkable, although you may want to take a few breaks in between your strange desire to follow the perimeter exactly. More useful is the fact that from any one location in Old Montreal, you are close to anywhere else in Old Montreal you might want to visit. Unlike somewhere like London, the city isn't spread out over rambling areas, but is instead on the always-awesome block system. Getting round is little trouble, s'long as you can hold a map the right way round. As far as I'm concerned, the first place you should get to is the Place Jacques-Cartier, which is a downhill slope with a fountain and a statue at the top, and a road/the river at the bottom (note to travellers: don't walk into the river). The statue is of Nelson, apparently, although if I remember right they removed it in 1997 because it was damaged and replaced it with a new one - and now he's facing the wrong way. Smooth going, Montreal! Looking down, there are all these cafes on your right, which are expensive but nice-looking, and if you walk down here you can get to the Old Port, which has an IMAX theatre and a Seaworld ripoff place (actually it might be a real Seaworld: I remember nothing of it). Also down here, to your left and right, is the most important road in Old Montreal, Rue Saint-Paul. Bonsecours Market is on this street, a massive building with a cool-looking dome that is home to all manner of semi-trendy shops and stuff. The road is cobbled, so make sure you're wearing your long-distance flip-flops, or your feet might start to feel the burn.
We're now walking along this road, going… right, because at the end of this road somewhere is the birthplace of the city (don't you miss it when Torr and Koshkha write these sort of reviews? They're well better than I am - but I make some delightful errors in grammar, so it all equals out). This stands right opposite the Old Port, and is a big white obelisk. It's worth having a little look, and right next to it is the Museum of Archaeology and History, where you can find out all about how Britain and France 'developed' the place and in no way drained it and sold everything they could find on for profit. You can go right up to the Obelisk and touch it, although this is discouraged because it's downright tacky. Saint-Paul itself is a really cosy spot, the roads are narrow and people walk wherever they want even though the occasional car tries to get through, and this is where you can find some of the quainter shops and cafes. When I went we chose to eat in a pub, but if you have more taste than us there are a number of posh places back in Jacques-Cartier.
There's more breathing space by the time you get to Place d'Youville, an open area with a corridor of benches and some greenery, where locals seem to gather to sit with their baguettes and enjoy a fun lunch-break where they get to judge the tourists who walk past. Turning right again (I'm hoping you're still with me, we're in the bottom left corner of the map at the mo), Rue Sainte Helene is filled with old stone buildings that were designed to attract people to come start their business in Montreal. If you like buildings, you'll like this. You're also weird and confusing to me. There's more buildings for you if you continue heading upwards, as the Royal Bank of Canada is up here - built in 1928, for a while it was the tallest building in the British Empire. Not so much anymore, but still an impressive sight to see. The actual Bank of Canada is nearby, turning right again onto the Rue Saint-Jacques (which leads back to where we started), an imposing place which stands in the Place d'Armes, a square with a fountain. Against all the redbrick offices around the square, the Greek stylings of this place stand out a whole bunch. It has those columns that the Greeks liked (Ionic flavour, column-fans), and a big dome that used to be copper, but after all the rain and such has gone pale green. The centre of Place d'Armes has a statue of city founder Sieur de Masionneuve, who stands holding up his flag while all around him tramps and street-hustlers march, and small market stalls try to sell you weird looking fruit.
He's looking up at another astonishing building, the Notre-Dame Basilica. Built in 1824, refurnished later by the Victorians, it is as stunning to look at outside as it is inside, although I say that as a person who did not go inside, as they charge you for the pleasure. Like I always say - don't pay for anything. Ever. It gets lit up at night, and looks ever so pretty, as do all the buildings around this area, during certain times of the year. You can take a tour of Old Montreal which is probably less confusing than this one, and you can take it during the day or at night as you please. No idea how much it costs, because again - I ain't paying for stuff. Walk on, past the daunting courthouses, and you'll hopefully be somewhere near Place Jacques-Cartier again. I hope. Please don't use this review as an actual map round the place, you'll just get lost and start hating me/hating me more. This time though, you'll be stood away from the slope of the square and instead be facing The City Hall, my favourite of all the buildings around here, if only because it has two different colours. The main body of it is white and pale and very stately, with a clock and stuff, but the roof and tower is green, which really stands out. I believe the reason for this was because of a fire or something that they had in the early 1900's and they had to rebuild it, they probably hired some colour-blind builders or something to fix it all up again for them.
So now we return to the Place Jacques Cartier, having walked round most of Old Montreal, and I hope you've enjoyed it. It's a nice place to visit, good for a day or walking around/taking a tour all over the area, and if you're in Montreal and want to have lunch, is totally expensive. Go to the Underground instead. So, that's it; my summary of this Canada place. Don't forget to thank your driver, and why not stop off in the gift-shop for a short spell, if you've enjoyed your tour. Please remember that this is North America, so a tip or concession is the correct way of showing appreciation for my efforts.
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