Old Orleans

...I agreed to go to Old Orleans in Newcastle upon Tyne. There were two reasons for my reluctance. First, I don’t really do chain restaurants unless they are at the higher end of the market (Livebait, Chez Gerard) and even then with a certain degree of reluctance. The other reason is that the Newcastle branch is not a place I find particularly compelling. As usual, I should have trusted my instincts…..

Old Orleans is a national chain ...
...the evening and saw two old ladies wearing the obligatory fleece and scowl glaring out of the window. I was becoming more reluctant by the minute….

Old Orleans in Newcastle is situated at the Metro Station end of the Haymarket Bus Station. It is a modern brown brick building and, frankly, it’s not attractive. The upper floor was wrought iron pretend balconies at the windows (in an attempt to evoke the New Orleans style). I can not ... more

When it comes to food I am a terrible snob but when it comes to money there’s not a great deal I won’t do (guess what happened to granny!). It was only because I was getting a free meal (mystery shopping of course) that I agreed to go to Old Orleans in Newcastle upon Tyne. There were two reasons for my reluctance. First, I don’t really do chain restaurants unless they are at the higher end of the market (Livebait, Chez Gerard) and even then with a certain degree of reluctance. The other reason is that the Newcastle branch is not a place I find particularly compelling. As usual, I should have trusted my instincts…..

Old Orleans is a national chain of bar/restaurants with a pseudo southern states of America theme. Usually they have clearly defined bar and restaurant areas. In the Newcastle branch it’s quite simple – bar downstairs, restaurant upstairs. On the few occasions I have been there the bar has been teeming, the restaurant virtually empty. My theory? People are put off at having to go into the horrible bar to get upstairs. There is a menu displayed outside but it’s now quite faded and hard to read. On the day I had to go there I popped in at lunchtime to check whether it was necessary to reserve a table for the evening and saw two old ladies wearing the obligatory fleece and scowl glaring out of the window. I was becoming more reluctant by the minute….

Old Orleans in Newcastle is situated at the Metro Station end of the Haymarket Bus Station. It is a modern brown brick building and, frankly, it’s not attractive. The upper floor was wrought iron pretend balconies at the windows (in an attempt to evoke the New Orleans style). I can not think of a single train or bus station pub that is acceptable (I am sure many will come up with suggestions) and I can not really think why anyone would want to drink in a pub in a bus station anyway – certainly not on a Saturday night. In my opinion, bus station pubs are second only to pubs next to the offices where the Benefits Agency make emergency payments.

Arriving around 8.30 we found things at full swing in the bar. When we went upstairs, however, the place was dead with only a couple of tables taken. A surly waiter trudged over and we asked for a table in the no smoking section. We were informed that the whole restaurant is no smoking and were shown to a table right in the path to a slightly raised section of tables and next to two other couples. We sat down and then decided to pick our own table once the waiter had gone.

Within seconds another waiter appeared to ask if we wanted drinks but we said preferred to look at the menu before deciding on drinks. How I wish we hadn’t done this – the drinks didn’t arrive until we were almost finished our starters! The menu looks quite extensive but isn’t really – just clever work to make a small number of dishes – with several variations each – look that way. At this point it would have been nice if the waiter had lit the tealight on our table since the lights were o dim you had to strain your eyes to read the menu.

Once we had ordered we sat back for our first proper chance to survey our surroundings. “Old Orleans” is designed to look like a traditional music hall/bar in the American south. To this end there are, hanging from the ceiling various items of reproduction “tat” from the Deep South (read – Exeter) – spares from a paddle steamer, jazz instruments and other sundry junk – without wishing to be offensive, it looks like the flotsam when the levees broke….

In spite of the fact that the place was almost empty and there were hardly any customers, we waited and waited for our drinks. Hoping to catch someone’s eye but the staff all appeared to find the wooden floor fascinating. Perhaps we would not have been so thirsty had we not wolfed down the complimentary thimble of popcorn.

To be fair the starters arrived quite promptly – alas the margaritas took another eight minutes or so. I opted for the “Black and Blue Mushrooms” – sautéed mushrooms in a blue cheese and black pepper sauce. It was slopped all over the plate and the little wedge of bread that came with it was plonked indelicately on the top. I liked the idea but the execution was terrible – all black and barely any blue. My partner had chosen the sautéed prawns with a barbecue dressing. Not only were the prawns only just cooked but they were rather small – hardly meriting the price tag of a Pound per prawn for this dish (£3.95). The final failing of the dish was that the pathetic sprinkling of salad leaves as a garnish was not dressed. Why is this usually the case in Britain? It is so easy to dress leaves! The margaritas sadly kept up this theme. Ninety per cent ice (this is a glaring error as a margarita should be shaken with ice but then strained and this one had not been shaken – I know I saw the waiter make it) way too much lime and I can only think that maybe it had once been NEAR tequila since there appeared to be little evidence of it containing any. “Old Orleans” take note – if you have gone to the bother of salting the rim of the glass why would you then serve the drink with straws – the whole point is that you drink from the rim to get the taste of the salt!

We hoped we would fare better with the mains which arrived only a couple of minutes after the starters had been cleared away. I ordered the shrimp jambalaya – a traditional southern dish but served in a rather different way; it came in a shallow skillet and in one half was the rice and next to it the rich spicy stew of onions, celery, pepper and okra. The prawns were on skewers and laid over the top of the skillet. I could see immediately – even though the lights were low that the prawns were not sufficiently cooked. It was not a matter of personal taste – they were virtually raw and prawns can present a major risk if not properly cooked. I called the waiter over and explained that I would like them to be cooked longer. Instead of taking them back to kitchen he just stared at me blankly. After the second request he reluctantly took them away, bringing them back a minute later swearing they had been cooked more. And of course, they hadn’t – not only was it obvious visually but I could tell from the waiter’s behaviour that they hadn’t been cooked again. When I pointed this out he said that the chef had said to say that this was how he was told he had to present the prawns and that this was company policy. I instructed him to return to the kitchen and inform the chef that not only did the prawns pose a high risk of food poisoning but the CUSTOMER was requesting them to be cooked more. When the prawns came back they were acceptably cooked although the rest of the dish was pretty cold by then.
After all the problems I do have to say that the dish was delicious but not worth the £10.95 price tag.

My partner’s blackened salmon came with green beans cooked on the griddle which gave them quite a good charred flavour, and a few fries. The salmon was good, nicely spiced but the portion was mean for £12.95.

When the plates were cleared I asked to see the dessert menu; when the waiter returned I ordered the lemon possett and the other half opted for a pint of lager (he’s never really been a puddings type of guy). After ten minutes neither had arrived and when he really had to (when I made it impossible for him to ignore us any longer) the waiter came and said they had just sold the last one. I chose another dessert and within five minutes he returned to say they did not have that one either. A third choice was requested along with a reminder about the lager. And five minutes later the waiter came to say that there were no desserts due to a flood in the kitchen earlier in the week (?!). He did not say whether this had also suddenly rendered lager unavailable when it had been available earlier that evening. The waiter took one look at me and suggested he fetch the manager (I can’t imagine what my expression must have been like). After some quite heated discussion the manager gave us the margaritas free of charge and took 20 per cent off the final total. His opening offer had been that he would not charge is for the dessert and the lager and he could not see that this was no compensation at all since we had been served with neither!

Looking back it really seems like most of the problems were down to poor customer service as the food, when it was cooked properly was, in the main, quite tasty (though the portions were small). With children’s meals and a choice ranging from snacks and sandwiches through salads, fajitas and a variety of bigger main dishes. Vegetarians will have few problems finding choices. After customer service, my other main gripe was the portion sizes which were for both starters and mains far too small and with all the ice in the margaritas there was barely any room for the other ingredients.

Would I go back?

Do I really have to answer that? Not even for free! 

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