No matter how sleepy we were from our nine-hour ordeal on the plane not one of us could even blink let alone fall asleep as we travelled through the tourist capital of the world, Orlando.
In between the large and elaborate hotels (one of which had been designed to replicate a fairytale castle) where restaurants, cinemas, museums, water parks and an abundance of shops that can operate a flourishing business from selling tat. Many people can be excused from thinking on first impressions that these shops are horrible and ‘tacky’. But I think that if these shops weren’t there, International Drive wouldn’t have the same charm.
Despite the overwhelming amount of tourism I was determined to find within Orlando, something that we would not immediately associate with Mickey Mouse.
Indeed, ever since Disney World opened in October 1971, the whole of Orlando has been cashing in on its success and will do for many more years to come. Back when Disney World first started International Drive was nothing but a freeway with a few gas stations and fast food restaurants on it. Now it boasts more than 20 hotels, Each more elaborate than the next. Three cinemas (of which one is 3D), two factory outlet malls, as many different types of
restaurants as anyone could want, too many golf superstores and the amount of stored that sell ripped off Mickey Mouse merchandise on Disney’s own doorstep defies imagination.
However, if you travel just a further 30 miles up the intertwining freeways you’ll find alligator farms nature reserves and a whole host of swamps to amerce yourself into Florida’s wildlife. Not many people associate Florida with these types of attractions, especially in more recent years, but they are here and they are worth looking.
The thing that immediately grabbed our attention was a huge alligator head (of course not real). But to suddenly turn a corner to be greeted by this huge doorway into “Gatorland” between an alligator’s jaw, was quite a shock. Nevertheless we entered to be greeted by two gentlemen. One was wearing torn jeans, a white shirt (with several stains) and a baseball cap and was constantly chewing. The other was more rugged and seemed to be the smarter of the two in both appearance and intellect.
“Hi y’all my names Tom and this here’s Jed.” Was the greeting the intelligent one gave us as the other stood idly by with his hands in his pockets. Tom then proceeded to tell us what he planned for the tour, which involved a tour of the zoo, an airboat ride and a show of how to wrestle alligators.
During the zoo tour we started to notice that Tom was very commanding and determined to scare us. But it was also clear to see that Jed was the guinea pig, as several times Tom stood outside the cage telling us how veracious a snake can be whilst telling his sidekick Jed to let it crawl all over him. We started to feel sorry for Jed and afraid of Tom.
Next came the airboat ride, and what a ride it was. At first I was sceptical, as it seemed that Tom and Jed were the only ones with goggles and ear protectors. Once the ride started though I was much more at ease… until we stopped.
Tom stopped the airboat as he started to whisper, “see over there, that is a female alligator, alligators rarely kill humans, in fact we have never had a case of one killing a human here at Gatorland.” It was during his enthralling speech that I noticed Jed was throwing food into the water and it was when two more alligators appeared I got nervous.
Tom then told the tour group that he was going to get one to come over to get a closer look. Now I know that these alligators rarely kill humans but when there’s a 12 foot beast swimming towards you at a rate of knots, you move out of the way and not encourage it.” However once the alligator got closer I realised what a great experience I may have missed if our tour guide hadn’t called it over. Not only did I get to see one of these creatures close up but we also go t to see a baby alligator as well.
After the airboat trip I was to witness one of the most bizarre events of my life…. Alligator wrestling. This is not two alligator’s fighting like I first thought. Instead it is one huge hairy man wearing a plaid jacket against a very old alligator. After this man grappled with the alligator and tied it up, everyone cheered and was then served barbecued alligator. Being in America, surrounded by Americans, I had to try it. I have to confess that I liked it as well but we were assured that it was not the alligator that was in the wrestling event.
We also noticed whilst on this trip that Americans do like their food. Whether it be barbecued alligator, or baby shrimp, they have it in huge quantities and quickly. On our first night we drove around International Drive looking for a suitable place to eat and none of us being vegetarians, we decided to try a place called Charleys steak and grill. As most of the restaurants in the area had the same words in the title we decided that this was as good a place as any to eat.
Upon arrival we were greeted by an extremely cheerful waitress called Mandy who gave us a short version of her life history and sat us out our table. After asking us several questions about Scotland (because that’s where she thought we were from, we were too polite and tired to correct her) she took our order. I ordered a dish called “baby back ribs” but in actual fact could be more suitably titled, “pig in a garden”.
As soon as the words left my mouth I began to regret my order. It was as if my gut instinct was trying to tell me not to order this meal, and in the end it was my gut that got the worst punishment. About twenty minutes after my fateful order I heard the kitchen door swing open and out came Mandy defying gravity by balancing two orders of pig in a garden, a T-bone steak and eggs and a mountain of pasta. As she lay our fate in front of us she parted by saying, almost mockingly, “enjoy your meal folks”.
There it was, half a pig drowned in barbecue sauce and accompanied on the plate (that I’m sure was picking up the satellite reception for the television) was enough greenery to replant the rainforest. We struggled to force down whilst Mandy kept asking if everything was alright and kept asking us about our holiday.
The next day I stepped out of our air-conditioned apartment with tinted windows and realised why Florida was called the sunshine state. It was as if the moment I opened the door there was a neutron bomb explosion, I was temporarily blinded by the sheer intensity of the sun and it was at that point I noticed how hot and humid it was. The air was still and warm, the heat wasn’t as much from the sun as it was like an oven where the air was actually warm. I quickly dashed back into the apartment where it was like a fridge. Never before had I experienced two such extremes of climate. That was until mid afternoon when all of a sudden out of the clear blue sky it started to rain. However, it didn’t just rain, oh no, this is America where nothing is in moderation. It was a virtual monsoon of rain that drenched the park and its customers within.
After 20 minutes of consistent rain, it stopped, like someone turning off a tap and it was then that I realised that nothing is ordinary in Florida. From the weather, to the people. The food and the architecture, this place is truly larger than
This review is absolutely amusing and delightful reading. I loved the descriptions of Tom and Jed. However, that the last sentence is incomplete. Does this mean we're missing even more of it? --AJF
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