OR205 12th to 23rd May 2002 - “Canaries Collection”
Southampton Madeira Tenerife La Palma Lanzarote Lisbon Vigo Southampton
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P&O Cruises operate some of the finest ships afloat. They are tailored very much to the British and Anglophile market. The emphasis is heavily towards understated stylish good taste rather than the glitzy Vegas razzmatazz.
All the ships operate, a part of each year, from Southampton, offering Cruises of differing lengths. Alternatively you can fly out to the ships elsewhere in the world. For example, you can join a ship for just a part of its World Cruise.
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GETTING THERE.
Saturday evening, London Battersea Park 11th May. Midnight. Some 9,000 women in decorated bras set off to walk a marathon in aid of breast cancer. An uplifting sight, but I tore myself away and went home to bed returning at 6am to see my wife and her companions finish. This is their third time, they take it seriously, and have previously finished in the first wave.
They are late. They got to Tower Bridge to find it up for a boat coming through. Intensely annoying, breaking their rhythm, spoiling their time, and doing nothing for moral.
Driving home her muscles begin seizing up, but there is much to be done at home. A long hot bath then final packing of almost every article of clothing she possesses.
The booklet from P&O told us that there is no restriction on the amount of baggage you can take, but to bear in mind that all your suitcases must be stored in your cabin. Red rag to a bull. Now why do they have to go and say that?
By 12 o’clock midday we are back in the car, M25, M3 headed for Southampton, the high seas, and, for my wife, a well-earned rest and her 40th birthday the following day.
We arrive early. I had discovered that late arrivals might not see their bags arrive at their cabin for a considerable time – maybe not till the following day. I still haven’t quite worked that one out – we were due to leave the dockside at 6 pm. I have visions of a siege-engine-like catapult delivering the backlog to the ship at sea.
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CHECKING IN.
We had opted to pay for the Anderson’s car parking service, which proved an integrated part of the very slick embarkation process.
We were signalled to drive into a large hanger of a building. We parked, off loaded our baggage to a porter, and the next time we saw it was outside our cabin.
I drove the car to the other end of the ‘hanger’ and received a receipt for it. We were then free to walk into reception for embarkation. Well, I walked, while my seized-up wife gave the impression of being either inebriated, disabled, or having suffered an accident of incontinence. Nobody gave her a glance, at least, not for her apparent disability. Whilst there was a wide age range, the average tended towards the senior ages, and at no time were we far from people aided by walking frames, sticks, crutches or wheel chairs. We fitted right in, except that she appeared to have an older Carer when the norm appeared to be younger Carers.
She didn’t seem to mind, but then I wasn’t foolish enough to enquire.
The ship was generally acknowledged to be pretty good for accessibility, although special cabins had to be booked if wheelchair access was required. One gentleman’s Carer complained of a bad back throughout the cruise because they had not been given such a cabin with a wider doorway. He had to have two chairs, one outside the cabin and one inside, whilst she had to lift him between the two every time they went in or out.
Paperwork completed, we both had a card to charge drinks and purchases aboard, to our cabin number. No cash onboard.
Since we were early we had to wait in the reception lounge. There was a Newsagent type ‘stall’, a bar, snacks, an upstairs smoking room and a balcony view of the ship. Finally, The Oriana, there, up close. Very impressive. Huge – not the largest in the world but mightily impressive. Gleaming white, clean and decidedly Bristol fashion.
So far, all very civilised. Calm, unhurried, un-harried, professional and organised.
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EMBARKATION & ACCOMODATION.
A couple of G&Ts later we boarded, were greeted by ranks of uniformed crew, and shown to our cabins where we unpacked. Our cabin Stewardess, a charming Philippine woman, came in and introduced herself. For the rest of the cruise she brought morning tea, made up our cabin, changed the towels every 2 minutes and would supply whatever you could reasonably ask for - and always with a smile.
Now, we’re not rich, not have I been robbing Building Societies (frankly, I’ve never looked good in stockings or tights). So, no Stateroom with balcony for us. Oh no, we had a windowless cabin at the bottom end of the scale. We were very pleasantly surprised. It was larger than I had anticipated, modern and well fitted. We had a double bed, TV, tea and coffee making gear, a fridge, phone and a bathroom with a shower.
Nothing to moan about so far whatsoever.
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DEPARTURE.
We were pretty impressed so far and we hadn’t even gone anywhere. But sailing time was approaching so we made for the railings. Glasses of Champagne were bought, and little coiled paper streamers distributed.
Looking down on the dockside, a Caledonian Pipe and Drum Band in full dress struck sound. The war pipes in their proper outdoor element reverberated with the drums between the ships side and the dockyard buildings. Very unexpectedly I found myself hugely affected by this. My imagination conjured up images of convicts and émigrés and Ten Pound Poms, leaving in just such a way, though never in the main to return. Some never even to make their destination.
I felt a tightness suddenly in my throat, and tears on my cheeks as we all cheered and festooned the ships side with a single multi-coloured web of paper streamers as The Oriana broke with land.
It had finally dawned on me that we were doing something rather special. Out of the ordinary. Extra-ordinary. And so it proved, for the entire cruise.
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RANT.
There isn’t anything I want to rant about concerning this cruise. But why should that stop me. I’ll rant about something else. It’s entirely on-topic.
All the style, glamour, excitement and romance that were once associated with flying have been destroyed by the industry within my lifetime. Airports and flying are, for the most part, simply humiliating and distressing experiences to be endured as the price to be paid for enjoying foreign travel in a short space of time at an affordable price.
What happened to the joy of travelling for its own sake? Well it is still alive and well within the world of cruising.
Having experienced this P&O traditional ship’s departure, done properly, why oh why would I ever, EVER, want to suffer the indignities of travelling to anywhere from an Airport?
The answer is coming next. I particularly wanted to take a Southampton based cruise for all the above pleasures, but there can be, and there was, a price.
Come and meet BoB - a mercurial chap.
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THE BAY OF BISCAY.
Day two sees us start the 24 hour crossing of the Bay of Biscay, infamous amongst mariners for its rough seas. This is also the evening for the Captain’s Cocktail Party and my wife’s Birthday.
“If the Captain’s Cocktail Party is always scheduled for the BoB, then the BoB’s reputation is overrated or no match for modern stabilisers,” I thought.
I had another think coming. BoB won, CCP postponed, dinner downgraded from Formal to Casual, and wife spitting tacks in Captain Reid’s direction for deliberately and maliciously ruining her celebrations.
The first sign of impending trouble was the appearance of sick-bag dispensers everywhere. As it happens we are relatively unaffected by the heaving seas and heaving passengers, except in our windowless cabin with no terms of visual reference. The knack is to change and get to the upper decks as fast as possible, where gazing out at the horizon soon quells our inner queasiness – or perhaps it was the G & Ts before staggering down to a good but very sparsely attended dinner. Plenty of seconds could be had by the hardy or insensitive, of all 4 courses.
The others? Well some made the mistake of staying in their cabins, a few were worried they would die, whilst others were worried they wouldn’t die, and the rest formed a long green queue around the block from the ship’s Doctor’s Consulting room, where he took the piss (figuratively speaking on this occasion).
The Doctor charged a Consultation fee of £40, for telling each unfortunate that, yes, they were suffering from motion sickness. Following this brilliant deductive diagnosis, they were then eligible to pay another £40 for an injection. This apparently worked instantaneously – no more seasickness.
My Father was seasick once, and received medical advice at the time that he followed till the day he died. It saved him many a bright shilling. “The secret, young man,” the Doctor had confided, “Is never to set foot on a boat again.”
The sea suddenly calmed that evening, but only because we had changed course for land to transfer an elderly gentleman, who had suffered a heart attack, to a Spanish Hospital. Luckily he survived and recovered. The average age on some cruises is on the high side, and inevitably there are losses. There is a mortuary on board. I have no idea of the Doctor’s charges for this service, or the décor and appurtenances of the refrigerated ‘cabins’, which, it has to be said, are rumoured to be a little pokey.
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FOOD.
Yes yes yes, I know. You’ve paid for all those meals, afternoon teas, snacks, chocoholics buffets, elevenses, midnight buffets and handmade chocs and biccys in the cabin, and you’re jolly well going to eat them all, or die in the attempt. Now listen to your uncle Charley. Please try to get that idea out of your head earlier in the cruise than I did. By the evening of the first Thursday I was rolling around on our bed like a beached pregnant whale, groaning, “Never eating again,” whilst desperately trying to unclip my cummerbund. It cannot be done. You WILL die in the attempt. There are always the old hands on these cruises.
“Oh, is this your first cruise? This is our three hundred and fifty-eighth – not as good as it was, of course.”
They have trained long and they have trained hard, and not even they can do it. Give it up gracefully. Miss out a few meals a day, and if necessary lie about it to the others, or you will never make it to the end.
There is wall to wall food. It is always pretty good, good or very good. There are plenty of eating options, but you can, if you want, eat all your meals in splendour in your allotted dinning room. This will be either the Peninsular or Oriental dining room. They both serve identical food to all passengers regardless of the price they have paid or grade of cabin they occupy. At the time of booking you will need to request whether you would like 1st or 2nd sitting in the evening, and what size table you would prefer to be at.
Tables for two are very limited. There were tables for 4, 8 or 10. Its pot luck who you will end up with. We had a table for six and we all got on very well and came from very different walks of life.
In the main dinning room meals were always very good, with low notes and many high notes. To put this into perspective, no one could complain about the standard of food. This is mass catering at its best and will suffer occasionally because of this. I do not really see how they could readily improve.
The food is good or better, but will not be near a Michelin star, for example. It is presented on the plate extremely well, by staff who excel. Vegetables seemed a weak point, particularly potatoes. Other veg were frequently over cooked, or just unimaginative.
There are always alternatives to the main Restaurants. There is a self-service joint (a little ‘Motorway Services’ perhaps) a Pizza place and an evening Bistro etc.
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PORT DAYS
Just as long as we were headed for warmer latitudes I didn’t much care where we were going. In fact I generally enjoyed the days at sea more then days in port. Nevertheless it was good to have a break from the constant movement of the boat, although the further into the cruise we got then the more the pavements on terra firma seemed to produce phantom movement beneath our feet.
Wherever we put in we had our very own 4/5* Hotel parked up Downtown. It was an easy matter, if you wanted, to go exploring in the morning, have lunch on board, and wander ashore again after.
In each port there were organised excursions at an additional fee. We tend not to be keen on organised trips, preferring to mooch around exploring on our own. In general though we thought the trips were on the expensive side.
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PRICES.
It is not a cheap holiday. Brochure prices will cause a clammy sweat to break out, but surely no one, but no one, pays the brochure prices. I believe, generally, you can achieve up to 30% discount from P&O, but no more. Other agents can discount a little more, and it is well worth shopping around. We achieved a 37% discount and the Agent sent us two bottles of wine before the cruise and another two after.
To put prices into context, after discounts, cruising at this sort of level is likely to cost in the region of £100 per night, per person, excluding tips and cabin bill. That really is not at all bad for Full Board in a 4/5* World Class Hotel that moves round the world.
Tipping is an important part of some crew’s income and recommendations are made for your Head Waiter and Steward/ess. This means paying out something in the region of £80 or so. There is no need to tip other staff – the Wine Waiter, for example receives commission on the bottles he sells.
There is no cash on board and all drinks and purchases are charged to your cabin. Without being extravagant this can easily mount up. Our bill was about £600. Friends who cruised later in year ran up a bill of £1200 including shore excursions.
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SUMMARY.
Make no mistake, P&O run a highly professional Class Act from start to finish. This is evident everywhere in the fine attention to the smallest detail. It is very hard indeed to pick holes or find fault.
Particular mention must be made of the staff. In the main, the staff comes from the Philippines, Goa and Nepal. They are without exception a well-trained, friendly, efficient, motivated, delight. Nothing seems too much trouble, and cruise after cruise after cruise they produce the goods, learning passengers names, their likes and dislikes and producing a service next to none. They have to be amongst the very best assets that P&O possess.
If the age ranges on board concerns you, then you can pick cruises where the average is younger or older. During school holidays there will be younger families. Activities for the young are wide and varied. The chances are that once on board you might not see your offspring till the end. P&O are at great pains to provide a product these days that does appeal to a wider age range.
To make the most of these cruises you do need to be comfortable dressing up in the evenings. Compliance to dress requests was almost total. Gentlemen would be very well advised to acquire a DJ for the duration.
Would we go again? Oh yes - just as soon as our boat comes in.
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FACTS AND FIGURES.
10 passenger lifts 10 bars 6 lounges Cinema Nightclub Theatre 2 restaurants Pizzeria Deck restaurant 3 dance floors Disco Casino Writing room, library and card room Shops Night nursery Children & teenagers' rooms 3 swimming pools and children's paddling pool Hair & beauty salon Health spa Gym & sauna
1,822 regular passenger capacity 1,928 maximum passenger capacity
914 Passenger cabins - 320 inside - 594 outside (118 with balconies) including: 8 Suites, 16 mini-suites, 8 designed for disabled passengers
794 crew
On an average cruise of 14 days, passengers and crew will eat some 116,550 main meals
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More details
Cost of Trip
Expensive
Size of your Group
Couple
Best suited for
Anybody
Time of Year you went
Mar - June
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