Pallasades

...down-and-out.

The Pallasades is (are?) the first sight (sights?) of Brum that many visitors will experience, as it forms (they form? Oh, just take this as read, will you? Thanks) the most sensible route from the station to the city centre. Watch out for the escalators - they work on a flow system depending on the time of day, so make sure you don't do a Charlie Chaplin! They also tend to get turned off in the evening, generally around ...
...The general feeling to the Pallasades is, to be honest, rather dreary and old-fashioned - there's almost no natural light, for one thing. It's not so gloomy as the old Bull Ring, but without that centre's sense of "lived-in-ness". To analogise: the Bull Ring was like an ancient pair of trainers; smelly, leaking, falling apart at the seams but extremely comfortable. The Pallasades is more in the mould of school football boots - handy for ... more

This place, for rail travellers the "gateway to Birmingham", has always struck me as a rather odd type of shopping centre: forced into a rather odd shape by being fitted around New Street Station, it veers wildly between up-to-the-minute and completely down-and-out.

The Pallasades is (are?) the first sight (sights?) of Brum that many visitors will experience, as it forms (they form? Oh, just take this as read, will you? Thanks) the most sensible route from the station to the city centre. Watch out for the escalators - they work on a flow system depending on the time of day, so make sure you don't do a Charlie Chaplin! They also tend to get turned off in the evening, generally around 7pm, though this varies a bit. (There is a conventional staircase as well.)

The general feeling to the Pallasades is, to be honest, rather dreary and old-fashioned - there's almost no natural light, for one thing. It's not so gloomy as the old Bull Ring, but without that centre's sense of "lived-in-ness". To analogise: the Bull Ring was like an ancient pair of trainers; smelly, leaking, falling apart at the seams but extremely comfortable. The Pallasades is more in the mould of school football boots - handy for its task, but not worn with any great enthusiasm.

The range of shops is really much what you would expect: there is an excellent Woolworths (great for cheap chocolate and fizzy drinks), a rather feeble and extremely crowded HMV (don't bother - there's a much better one 400 yards away), a decent branch of JJB Sports, and a reasonable Argos (though, again, there is a much larger one in the city centre). There's also a small but fairly well stocked branch of Boots (though I don't think much of their recent sandwich makeovers - where have all the nice filling ones gone?).

There is a varied selection of smaller shops, too. The Works remainder bookshop must be singled out - it stays open until 7pm on weekdays, which means it does excellent business with commuters. It's good value, and sells an interesting range of things beyond books - wrapping paper, paint, CDs etc. There's a tiny Supercigs newsagent trying gamely to stay in business against the WH Smith in the station. The inevitable mobile phone shops, some of which look more dodgy than others. One or two perfume shops. Claire's Accessories continuing its mission of world domination. You get the idea.

Of the more interesting shops, there is a caff (sic, definitely) which will sell you enormous and probably highly unhealthy (but who cares?) plates of bangers, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms etc etc etc. If you're feeling more refined, the Vienna Patisserie next to Boots is a pleasant place to relax. There's a useful internet cafe, with the now-obligatory next-door coffee shop. Several fairly nondescript clothes shops, generally of the sort where they haven't changed the style of the dummies or hangers since about 1974. A handy Poundland, which I find the best of the everything's-a-quid bunch. There's even a small amusement arcade. Sadly, Beatties toyshop - with its enormous kit car collection - seems to have breathed its last.

The main way out of the Pallasades is past Woolworths and Electronics Boutique (which is excellent), via a ramp down to the junction of Corporation Street and New Street. Be warned: this isn't a very nice experience. It's extremely crowded, especially at weekends (the presence here of a large McDonald's doesn't help), with few people showing much inclination to "keep left". You'll also have to watch your feet - dog mess isn't a problem, but ice cream, chewing gum and discarded chip papers are.

At the top of the ramp, on the right as you walk down, is the entrance to the Newt and Cucumber pub. Despite its irritating theme-bar name, it's actually quite reasonable, if rather impersonal - though many big-city pubs have that fault. It can get a little rowdy on a Friday night, however, and you might want to avoid it during football matches.

On the ramp, you'll also find people handing out "make £5000 while waiting for a bus!!!" cards, religious fundamentalists, leafletters, market researchers - and beggars, of which Brum has a distressing number. These range from energetic (and often very funny) Big Issue vendors through penny whistle players (some of whom only know - sort of - one tune) to people who have pretty much lost all hope and spend the day sitting listlessly on a filthy blanket outside McDonald's. For the most part, these people are not in any way aggressive, and you certainly won't feel threatened, but you probably will feel guilty. What you do has to be down to your conscience.

There is, in fact, another way out of the Pallasades, though you have to know where it is. Next to the aforesaid Vienna Patisserie is a passageway leading to some stairs. Follow these down, and you'll emerge in Station Street, which happens to be where I get my bus home, but is also the home of the Old Rep theatre and the arthouse Electric Cinema.

Customer help and advice is almost non-existent - there are no help desks, and you're clearly expected to know your way around. You're unlikely to see much of the security guards either... unless you take out a camera, something which shopping centres are ridiculously paranoid about - you'd think it was a Formula 1 garage! For heaven's sake, does it *matter* if someone takes a photo of Boots? (Whinge over!)

You'll notice that I spent a considerable amount of this review talking about how to get out of the place, which might tell you something. The fact is that the Pallasades is just not an interesting place. Useful, yes. But exciting? Leave it out. It's in need of considerable modernisation if the "gateway to Birmingham" is to be worthy of the name. 

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