Advantages Flappy things on the seats keep your ears warm
Disadvantages Great exanmple of 'You pay peanuts, you get monkeys'
Cast your minds back a few months – you will remember my extravagant world tour of… the world… well, sadly, it has yet to be completed, since today’s theme is Polynesian Airlines – who operated my connection from Sydney to Wellington.We had just ended the major leg of our 28-hour trek and were feeling pretty knackered. We got ourselves what we believe was breakfast but by that time we were completely lost and confused. Our flight was called – it was a Qantas flight operated by Polynesian.
First impressions were good. As we prepared for the three-hour trip, I looked out of the jetty window at Sydney. Aside from admiring the spectacular concrete views, I could also see our plane. Sporting the colourful yet over-elaborate new Polynesian Airways, it was impressive.First Looks…
We didn’t check in since we were in transit yet I am led to believe that it was a fairly painless and speedy process. Boarding was speedy – a bit of a drag though due to the fact that we had to wait around a fair deal thanks to the connection.But as I looked out the window, I saw our 737-800 – the newest addition to the Polynesian fleet. It was flash and from the outside it was modern. It had the new performance-enhancing blended winglets – making the journey faster and the plane look better.
Getting in…We clambered on board after dealing with the large queue in the jetty – another access door was in order. After being made to go through the business class cabin to see what we were missing out on, I could finally put my stuff away in the rather cramped lockers and take a look around.
I took my seat and had a nose around the cabin. However, take-off was an ever-closer process so I decided against a wander and looked at what I could see from my seat. Regular readers [I wish] may recall my Mercedes op – the title ‘Expensive Car, Cheap Feeling.’This is what it felt like. They were trying too hard to be great. The plane looked as if when it was new it was outstanding but in just under two years it had started to have a few problems – perhaps some vandal had scratched the window and the tray-table was dirty, you know what I mean.
The Routine…The time came for the dreaded-by-the-crew safety routine. They emerged with their ‘demonstration only’ seatbelts and their ridiculous lifejackets and began to pull them on. However, they were mocking the routine.
There was some ‘smart guy’ who was clowning around and generally acting like a twat in the usual Australian cabin-crew non-humorous way, and this time you don’t know what I mean. He was being a knob – he thought he was smart – when he wasn’t.The announcement system was clearly having a day off as it decided to keep breaking up and making a mess of itself – so should we lave to land on water then we may have a minor crisis in that we wouldn’t quite know how to inflate the lifejackets.
Or what would our response be to large yellow oxygen masks becoming littered across the cabin? Or what meal selection were we going to have? A crisis had been cast across the earth – it was terrible – we were going to die – mixed grill or hashed browns?
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