Quality Hotel Cobden, Birmingham

This is possibly the least aptly named hotel I have ever had the misfortune to stay in.
You know when irritating people do that annoying thing with their fingers to describe speech marks in the air? This hotel is the only situation where such gesturing becomes permissable. It is de rigeur to use this hand gesture when speaking the name.

When I was booking in there was a large party of asylum seekers being booked in and the ...
...scolding them for not having the correct paperwork and doing that old English chestnut, talking loudly to try to make herself understood. Meanwhile, the queue grew and grew. Eventually, one of the other people stood staring at the queue decided to start booking in as well and I finally got booked in, and was given a key.

Taking myself up to room 154 I tried my key and found that it wouldn't fit the door. I dragged myself back to reception, ... more

This is possibly the least aptly named hotel I have ever had the misfortune to stay in.
You know when irritating people do that annoying thing with their fingers to describe speech marks in the air? This hotel is the only situation where such gesturing becomes permissable. It is de rigeur to use this hand gesture when speaking the name.

When I was booking in there was a large party of asylum seekers being booked in and the receptionist was having a great time talking down to them, scolding them for not having the correct paperwork and doing that old English chestnut, talking loudly to try to make herself understood. Meanwhile, the queue grew and grew. Eventually, one of the other people stood staring at the queue decided to start booking in as well and I finally got booked in, and was given a key.

Taking myself up to room 154 I tried my key and found that it wouldn't fit the door. I dragged myself back to reception, where themore helpful of the three staff checked the key against the computer and apologised, apparently it was for room 152. back in the lift, and up to the room again. opened the door and was greeted by a wall of heat and a strong stench of stale cigarette smoke. I fought my way in to the broom cupboard sized room, forced open the windows and turned off the radiators (not advisable without an oven glove)

The bed was a single, hard as a rock. I have seen better looking beds dumped in lay-bys. the sheets was clean, but smelt of tobacco.

The hotel is partway through an improvement program. my room was obviously last on the list. there were two bathrooms, at the end of the room, I had the choice of turning left and going into the old bathroom, Bath, Loo and sink, slightyly tatty decor, broken window, slight wiff of shit, or turn right into the new bathroom, high pressure shower, new loo, new tiling, some of which was falling off the wall. Full marks for the shower, powerful and invigorating, at about 2 am, unable to sleep, it got the smell of fags off my skin and cooled me down.

The bar and restaurant were OK, choice of beers quite limited, i.e. three different types of lager, no bitter, £6 per pint for cider!

The restaurant was a carvery, plenty of rooast beef, yorkshires but no roast spuds! had a good plateful of tasty filling food, and a pudding. After a couple of Carlings to numb the pain I retired to attempt to sleep. THe trouble was that the broken bathroom window was not only allowing the room to cool down to a reasonable level but also allowing the noise from the kitchen's extractor fans to keep me awake. Having given up trying to sleep I put the TV on to drown the noise, Channel 4 at 2 am is not great viewing but does have the advantage of drowning out the hum.

Eventually I managed to doze for a couple of hours but woke at about 5.30, as some guests returned from the local club and passed my door.

Breakfast was OK, buffet style with planty of choice, I have never had bacon that didn't taste of anything so this was a great new experience for me. on checking out I paid £65.75. This was for dinner, bed and breakfast plus a few pints of beer. Not expensive for a hotel but overpriced for the "Quality" of service received.

Can I advise anyone driving into Birmingham along the Hagley road looking for a hotel to keep going and not turn into the "Quality"? THe Thistle is just a bit further down. 

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