Revolution - Bar

First things first - this bar looks superb. Set in an old bank building on Collingwood Street about 50 yards from Newcastle Central Station, it's all ornate stonework on the outside and super-high ceilings and pillars within. If you visit during the day when it isn't busy, you'll have a chance to see the layout of the place - there's a lot of wood fittings, leather sofas and little cosy booths, plus acres of standing room for when it gets busy later ...
...is shit. Just because the place looks good doesn't mean that it actually is any good - it's not, not by a long chalk. Frequented by the sort of fool that usually has three hairstyles on one head (you know what I mean - is it a mullet? A side parting? A Billy Ray Cyrus?), it plays the sort of music that nobody likes or has usually even heard before; ultra-obscure urban type beats and the likes. The DJ is evidently more interested in playing this stuff ... more

First things first - this bar looks superb. Set in an old bank building on Collingwood Street about 50 yards from Newcastle Central Station, it's all ornate stonework on the outside and super-high ceilings and pillars within. If you visit during the day when it isn't busy, you'll have a chance to see the layout of the place - there's a lot of wood fittings, leather sofas and little cosy booths, plus acres of standing room for when it gets busy later on.

The trouble is, the bar itself is shit. Just because the place looks good doesn't mean that it actually is any good - it's not, not by a long chalk. Frequented by the sort of fool that usually has three hairstyles on one head (you know what I mean - is it a mullet? A side parting? A Billy Ray Cyrus?), it plays the sort of music that nobody likes or has usually even heard before; ultra-obscure urban type beats and the likes. The DJ is evidently more interested in playing this stuff to appear cutting edge, rather than play stuff people might actually like. As if someone's gonna discover him here and transport him off to Ibiza in time for the closing parties. Tool.

Drinks - they are hideously priced if you start buying double vodkas etc, which is what the drinks / cocktail menu is designed to entice you to do; you're looking at over a fiver per drink and you're not really getting much for your money. They do serve a wide range of beers, but they want you on the voddy here, make no mistake. I'm being presumptuous actually talking about drinks prices though, because for a drink to actually cost you anything, you have to get served first - I'd say a waiting time of on average 20 mins in a reasonably busy bar is unacceptable, yet this is the case here on a weekend evening. The staff seem to amble along and chat, flagrantly disregarding any punters who have been standing for ages and serving the person who happens to be in front of them at the time.

There's also the bugbear of staff being unable to use a bit of common sense every now and again - one of my (female) friends was told she couldn't have a pint of snakebite as it was a "fighting drink", but it was seemingly fine for the 17 stone headcase beside her to throw all manner of mixed spirits down his troglodyte neck. You can also buy a tray of 6 shooters for a fiver, so clearly the bar takes promoting sensible drinking very seriously indeed. Who makes these rules up?

The doorstaff seem ok when you first walk in - the now-requisite greeting of "Evening folks" is hardly straight from charm school, but it's a hell of a lot nicer than the face-melting stare you would have received 2 or 3 years ago. You can even wear trainers now - a while back they would have been radioing other bars for bouncer backup if they caught you trying to sneak by in a pair of Adidas. However, the affection for these chaps stops here. You probably won't know this, but a local paper ran a story a few months ago on how Revolution's doorstaff had "declared war on drugs" or some such right-on nonsense rhetoric, and praised them for their "pro-active" initiative in ridding their bar from narcotics. Apparently their stance had yielded "X" amount of each drug since they began, and they were extremely proud of the fact. Admirable you may say, and you probably wouldn't be in the minority. This may change when I tell you that their stance consists of checking the toilets every five minutes to see if someone is using the cubicle, then kicking the door in to see what they're doing. Which in my case, was sitting down with my pants round my ankles. After a gruff "Sorry", they walked away leaving the door open. Nice one, lads. They also barred my mate minutes later - he was also using the cubicle, but just for urination purposes - in his own words, he just doesn't like "being sandwiched between people pissing". He was escorted from the cubicle before he had even finished, was searched without being asked first, and then, when no drugs were found on him - surprise surprise - he was kicked out and barred. I always wonder what a bar would gain from declaring a war on drugs, apart from halving their profits as a generous proportion of their punters are generally partaking of them on any given evening. I also wonder, without accusing anyone of anything, whether the doorstaff here would be willing to agree to random drug-testing? Yes, that's right, on themselves. Because they seem to enforce this rule just that little bit too forcefully for my liking.

Anyway, rant over. Just to summarise, 1) bring plenty of money, 2) don't go into the cubicle, 3) don't expect to be served before you lose your temper.

Have a good one, people. 

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