Ryanair - RYR > Reviews (266)

So this year I had to do the obligatory holiday. I personally don't really like holidays too much. Holidays are generally to hot countries with horrible food that they dole out in meagre portions. Rude people, smelly, scruffy animals and a general lack of rain. This year I had to go to France to meet friends that I'd almost rather not see anymore but they insisted on me coming. (How do you tell people you don't like them? I wish there was a simple formal procedure devoid of any reaction on their part) "So," I thought "if I'm going to have to go in for this £%@* I'm bloody well not going to be wasting money on it." So Ryanair came in nicely as it was the only budget airline, I could find, flying to Grenoble from Ireland. They were flying only flying from Dublin which was a but of an inconvenience but it'd have to do.

Ryanair played their mind games with me when it came to price. 44.99 euro for the flight out and the flight home was FREE! "My God" says I "This dreadful, prolonged friend isn't costing me a penny to escape from. That's a pro." So passing the initial fees there were then baggage fees. I had one bag to bring so that was an extra 20 euro but it doesn't end there. If you bring luggage you have to check-in in the airport which costs 10 euro. 10 euro! That's £7.92 I'm paying for some unknowingly unattractive, over-make upped, blonde cow (they all look the same, excessive fake tan must be a job requirement) to slap a sticker on my bag and then look at my passport. Then I had to pay an extra 8 euro for paying by credit card. Then and this bit was precious I had to pay 13 euro for insurance I never even asked for. So in total my initial fee of 44.99 euro grew into 145.72 euro. £35.64 to £115.43. Cheap enough but still they do advertise on slightly false pretences as we're given the impression the fees are all we'll be paying.

So come fly day and I arrive at the airport an hour and a half before the flight is meant to take off. The check-n was open which was good as I've had to wait about for them to open in the past and as Grenoble isn't a popular destination there wasn't an overly large queue. The check-in was neither nice nor rude but neutral in every way. Which was good I suppose as I didn't want her coo-cooing to every child in the queue or I'd be waiting forever.

The flight was 30 minutes late and they only told us this when we'd formed our queues. No-one went back and sat down though. The people at the front weren't going to go back and sit down as there were oul fellas up there sand bagging themselves in and getting empty bottles out because they'd rather die than loose their place in the queue whilst the people at the back just didn't really know what was going on so they stayed where they were. So I had to stand in the middle, with this weird uni-browed freak beside me who kept trying to slip in front of me. "Excuse me" said I. He looked at me blankly in response. The first frenchy I noted. "Take a look in my bag please" He understood what I was saying as I am fluent in French body language.

He looked in the bag and was sucked into a concealed pokeball I carry in there at all times. "That was abstract" said the owl sitting on my shoulder. But heed the moral of the story never try and slip in front of me in a queue. That guy later died during a pokemon tournament I had in my mind on the plane.

So when we get on the plane, all is good. Hit my head on the door on the way in...Check. I never remember. I take my seat and wait for some fat Dublin woman to come and sit beside me with her unruly children. I keep my head down, occasionally looking out the window. Don't look them in the eye, that's the rule. Look them in the eye and you're f.....ahem....in trouble. But what was this? Are the doors closing? Oh my God, I've only gone and done it, I've only gone and got three seats for myself. Apparently Grenoble is such an unpopular tourist destination that the plane was half empty. Maybe the cabin crew will sit here? I thought, which wasn't a nice idea really. In general there are two types of cabin crew people. The attractive, tall blonde kind wearing skimpy uniforms that only exist in fairy tales and Britney Spears videos and the flamboyantly gay kind. The kind on my plane were rather on the flamboyant side.

The flight took the expected amount of time and was rather comfortable as you'd expect when you have 3 seats to yourself. The crew ran up and down a few times selling over priced food and drink and crappy aeroplane merchandise. A soft toy aeroplane. A mounted aeroplane. Who the hell buys this crap? They was also duty free but I bought nothing being rather poor. But the point is if you wanted to waste your money on the aeroplane there was plenty of opportunity. There was no in flight entertainment or anything of that kind. People seemed to be enjoying going to the toilet a lot as there was a rather large queue and one woman seemed to be constantly going.

One week in horrible France later.

So the flight back was also late by about 20 minutes. The airport had very little to offer to pass the time. A cafe and a newsagents that sold only women's magazines in English so I sat and waited and took photographs of my hand. The plane was yet again late by half an hour which was a bit depressing I was desperate to get out of this 40 degree centigrade hole. When the plane did arrive and we were allowed on it was a rather garish plane. Inside was dark blue and bright yellow. This time I wasn't lucky I only got two seats to myself. I had the window seat which didn't impress me as I was sitting at the window above the wing so nothing could be seen. The pilot was rather a pleasant man who kept us up-to-date over the intercom. Telling us what we were flying over and he kept on saying it was raining in Dublin which got me all excited. The guy sitting at the end of the three seats was also quite excitable and kept leaning over me to look out the window every time the captain spoke. "It's only the wing" I tried to explain. He gave me a dumb French smile. "Oh I'm never going back to your God forsaken country" Dumb French smile as a response.

Overall the service was quite good for all you pay. The people weren't Disney character nice but they were just nice enough to be bearable and no more. The food cart didn't look great and on the flight back it was unavailable due to some problem. Snacks were overpriced but they always are from what I've seen. Their website was easy enough to navigate but don't take their prices on face value they accumulate as you go through the booking process. But relatively they are very cheap. I only wish that Ryanair would fly out from Belfast more.