Six Hills Hotel, Melton Mowbray

Well. I can safely say that my stay at the Six Hills is unforgettable. However, unfortunately it isn't for the right reasons. Let me tell you my tale of woe.

I picked the hotel because it is conveniently located right on the A46. Unfortunately, it is inconveniently located on the wrong side of the A46 from where I was coming. The road is a double carriageway at that point, and you can't turn around for miles. Of course, once I found a spot to turn around, I managed to miss the hotel at it came upon me rather suddenly. Ok, I'm possibly an idiot, but I ended up approaching it by progressive approximation, and swearing a lot.

Once I got there, the first impression was not that good. There is a large "for sale" sign on the front, and clearly the place hasn't been taken care of that splendidly for a while. It is frankly rather run-down and a bit spooky. If you've watched too many horror movies, you're either going to love it or run away. My friend and I immediately dubbed it "the Bates Motel".

We arrived quite early, in fact too early to check in. I knew it was unlikely they'd let me into my room, but as it turned out, I couldn't get into the hotel at all. They shut in the middle of the day for cleaning. I had been driving for some hours and I was dying to use the facilities. There is nothing else around the hotel - it is literally just this big building right off the main road. I didn't want to drive off again and get lost again, but after waiting for seemingly an age I had to give up and find somewhere to go, quite literally.

Once I got back to the hotel, normal service had resumed. Well, nearly. Apparently the room was nearly ready, but didn't have pillowcases yet. When I finally got in, it emerged that only one pillowcase had been successfully located, but by that time I'd given up caring.

The interior matched the exterior. It was a bit like time-travelling, unfortunately not in a good sense. Everything very nearly worked, but it really didn't feel nice. The furniture was worn, mismatched and tatty, the decor was authentic 70-80's, and it really just wasn't a very inviting place. It was clean enough, but unfortunately that didn't make up for the fact that I felt I was kipping in the store room for the local YMCA furniture shop.

To crown it all, I was in a downstairs room, with the car park literally against the wall. The room had a wonderful, large window - with no net curtains. So my options were to either had to close the curtain and sit in darkness on a sunny evening, or leave them open and have everyone walking to and fro the car park being able to see me. Plus, if I opened the window there was no bar to secure it, so anyone could have just hopped into my bedroom. Thankfully it wasn't that hot a day, but I'm sorry, this is just stupid.

It wasn't all bad. I didn't catch any communicable diseases. I slept ok, although I learnt that using the toilet light at night is not a good idea as the fan comes on and doesn't go off for about 300 years. This would be bad enough in general, but this particular fan sounded like a rocket going off. Seriously, I was searching the room for a hidden switch or possibly a sledgehammer when the darned thing finally stopped going.

Would I go again? Only if I was desperate. If you don't believe it's that bad, go on then, I dare you to walk in there on your own, on a dark night.