Stringfellows (London)

Author's product rating:   

Value for Money
Standard of Menu
Atmosphere
Standard of Service

Advantages:	Dont knock it til you try it  !
Disadvantages:	Once you try it you will most definitely knock it !  !  !  !

Recommend to potential buyers:

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Full review

You may have seen this fella called Peter Stringfellow on the news from time to time. A shrinking violet of the like the world has not seen since Brigitte Bardot, he is difficult to catch.

He runs a nightclub, you know! Its in "swinging" london's west end, and it SUCKS ! Oh - whoops - did I spoil the surprise ?!

Some history first.

Your honour, ladies and gentlemen of the jury...I was only there becuase my girl at the time had some friends from the countryside who thought it would be a great birthday wheeze to hire a limosine and boot it up to London for a night at a "Top" nightspot. When asked to attend, I said no. I swear!

Being an international jewel theif is pretty well paid - but the overheads are sky high and therefore I am not a rich person, and what money I have... i like to spend on things that make me happy. i knew it wouldn't be my scene and thought i wouldn't waste my time or my cash! But she begged, she pleaded, she used manipulataive torture techniques on me that would've made Arnold Schwartzenneger scream like a 5 year old. More importantlly, she said she'd pay for me to get in!!!

In the end i made it so that I would not have to eat there but would turn up for a few drinks later on. Lucky I did as the food seemed very overpriced (although I cant remember figures) and it didn't look especially good. But i jump ahead of myself.

Upon arrival at Stringfellows I was looked up and down by the bouncers - sorry, "doormen". I dont think they liked the look of me much. I could tell by the way my coat and shoes caused their lips to curl away from their teeth. At the vital moment (thats the moment before i got thrown about twenty feet closer to Shaftesbury Avenue) out came my girl, Bubbly Jo, and saved my tush from certain beats.

The staff could not contain their dislike for such a bum as myself, especially when they saw that a girl was paying for me! The admission was then £15 - rather steep, and this was about 5 years ago. I shudder to think what they are charging these days!

Feeling a bit of a bloody moocher, sponging off my girlfriend, I saw a chance to make amends by geting us a quick drinky from the bar on our way over to her friends. I had a beer. She had a vodka and lemon. The tab was £16 quid. I didn't choke, but had a moment of panic when i realised that I had only enough money with me to buy 3 more rounds - and thats assuming that I bought none of the birthday posse a drink! oh dear.

Frankie Dettori was in the corner, looking like a small jockey with his head in some boobs. Ah, yes, Boobs. How could I forget? There are lapdancers at Stringfellows. Its famous for it, y'know! There are private dancers and ones that just go for it in the middle of the room. There are two ladies upstairs, and more downstairs. After a time one of the ladies would swop with a Chippendale type fella who would spend a while thrusting his codpiece at anyone who would listen. I don't know enough about erotic dancing to compare them with any others, but they certainly had the goods to be where they were, and I'm sure Fred and Ginger are probably the last thing that most of the punters want.

Its all very nice decor inside Stringfellows - i mean its a kind of luxurious feeling, red velvety place, with thick carpets and opulent drapes and curtains hanging everywhere. Pretty barmaids and barmen serve you, Good looking waiting staff bring the food. There are upstairs and a downstairs sections, as i mentioned earlier . The upstairs is the restaurant mainly, bar and dancing girls. Then theres the downstairs, which is more of a nightclub. Dj playing music, dancefloor and lots of mirrors everywhere.

We went downstairs after a while. I couldn't take the sexy dancers any more. I mean I have a healthy sexual appetite but Its always struck me as being a bit funny really, just looking at women dancing with next to nothing on. I mean its a bit like getting a plate of really nice food in front of you but not eating any of it. Surely, if you are into that sort of thing, why not just go and get a hooker, or some porn or something?

I felt like I shouldn't be looking - or when I WAS looking I felt like I shouldn't have had my tounge hanging out. But is there any other way to look at strippers ? I really don't know. I mean surely arousal is the point? But I dont wanna be aroused in a restaurant with 50 other guys sharing the object of my affection, who doesn't know any of us and wouldn't go near us if we paid her to.

Or maybe that should be UNLESS we paid her to. I don't know if they do that stuff or not. But they must do eh? I mean if somebody offered me £30,000 to sleep with them i'd be there like a bear! (yeh right Berg, like THATS gonna happen!).
Anyhow, it just don't float my boat!

The nightclub was rubbish. I swear if it wasn't in the west end and if it didn't have the history it does - and if Mr Stringfellow didn't know how to get good publicity for picking his nose it'd be called "The Roxy" and it would be based in Milton Keynes, or Telford or somewhere. The music was standard club fayre, not very exciting. There are only so many times I can listen to "We are Family" followed by "I will survive" and all the rest of those timeless - ahem- girly classics that lazy DJ's play to get drunken women dancing so the drunken men follow.

I wouldn't complain if the club was Ritzy's in Luton, I had paid £2.50 to get in and got a free drink with my cloakroom ticket, but this is one of the big boys, a major league club! It really was a bad place to go. Even if you arent up for the whole clubbing scene that has emerged over the last few years, even if you were only going for the dancers....go someplace else - chances are it will be better - even if its not better chances are you will have more money at the end of the night.

Thanks for listening, sizzlechests!
Berg
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