Venice (Italy)

...booked us 5 days in Venice next February”.

“DOV’È?” – Or “I’ve Heard Of It, But Where is it?”

The city of Venice lies in a shallow lagoon on the north eastern coast of Italy, in its own region known as Il Veneto, which it shares with Il Mestre and Padova (Padua).

Flying there takes about 1:40 from Heathrow, all the way to its very own Marco Polo Airport. We really need a new name for Heathrow – how about ...
...some idea at least that Venice (i.e. the famous bit) is surrounded by water, and they’d be right. It should therefore come as no shock to realise that the airport and the city are separated by some considerable miles of lagoon.

So, to get your ‘life aquatic’ off to a good start, why not take a boat over to the main waterfront? OK, you CAN take taxis, buses and even trains over on a causeway to the edge of the main city, but that’s ... more

CINQUE GIORNI A VENEZIA

I’ve not previously spent long in Italy, apart from brief forays into the north whilst ‘doing the passes’ from Switzerland, and a couple of docking manoeuvres courtesy of a cheapo-cruise in the Med. (I’m the person who took one look at the queue for the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, and went and had a beer instead)

It is therefore fitting, that in the year I start to add Italian to my list of “languages of wine-growing nations” to which I can lay at least some claim to speak, that I should actually go there too.

It was school half-term last week, and Mrs. Nibbles had been her usual profligate self with the holiday bookings, although to be fair, this was all done and dusted nearly a year ago, when she announced those momentous words “I’ve booked us 5 days in Venice next February”.

“DOV’È?” – Or “I’ve Heard Of It, But Where is it?”

The city of Venice lies in a shallow lagoon on the north eastern coast of Italy, in its own region known as Il Veneto, which it shares with Il Mestre and Padova (Padua).

Flying there takes about 1:40 from Heathrow, all the way to its very own Marco Polo Airport. We really need a new name for Heathrow – how about Dick Turpin International? After all, he was a local robber just like the BAA (only HE was popular).

Most people have some idea at least that Venice (i.e. the famous bit) is surrounded by water, and they’d be right. It should therefore come as no shock to realise that the airport and the city are separated by some considerable miles of lagoon.

So, to get your ‘life aquatic’ off to a good start, why not take a boat over to the main waterfront? OK, you CAN take taxis, buses and even trains over on a causeway to the edge of the main city, but that’s as far as you get. For reasons which I hope to show you later, the boat is better.

A boat shuttle all the way over to Piazza San Marco costs €10 each way, using a firm called Alilaguna, whose blue, white and yellow boats are easy to distinguish. This route takes you in a very roundabout way to the city centre, but, heh, who’s got a train to catch?

On the way over, you’ll be taken through the middle of the picturesque island of Murano, famous for its glass factories, over to the Lido (the inward facing side of the large sand bar that forms the outer barrier to the lagoon, and thence Venice’s beaches), before being dropped at journey’s end, right in front of the Piazza San Marco. What a classic setting for an arrival!

NOW I SEE WHY IT’S CALLED “LUGGAGE”

You have to lug it, geddit?

From here on in, there’s nothing to be had on wheels except prams, wheelchairs, porter’s trolleys and other people’s luggage – not even a pushbike, skateboard or one of those pesky micro-scooters, they’re all banned, and more to the point, useless.

Do take suitcases with good wheels; ones capable of doing the odd mile or so without shattering. You’re going to need them. Unless you have a hotel booked at the western end of the city, now do you see why the other means of transport are less useful than you might think?

To make matters worse, Venice’s bridges, of which there are hundreds, are all footbridges with stairs. Despite the fact that some key routes now have wheelchair lifts, this is a city for the able-bodied. You WILL be doing a lot of walking, although perhaps not straight after getting to your hotel. You might be in need of lie-down!

We weren’t too badly off – our hotel, ‘Hotel La Fenice Et Des Artistes’ (a curiously Italo-Franco mixture of names) was only about 400 metres inland from the landing stage, but even then, there were 3 bridges to heave our cases over, with not a helping hand in sight. When leaving, we probably could have involved the services of the hall porter and his trolley, but we were old hands at the removal business, and running low on the €uro front by then.

OUR HOTEL AN’ STUFF

It’s difficult to buttonhole La Fenice. On the one hand, it has lovely marquetry floors in each bedroom, with real oil paintings and tapestry covered walls to match, but that’s when you can see through to them for the dust-bunnies. OK, it was February; maybe they gave the staff the whole of winter off. The bathrooms were excellent, but even at this cool time of year, there was a hint of ‘drains to come’.

Certain parallels with Fawlty Towers (Le Torre Difettose?) were irresistible. One night, I asked for someone to come and open up the bar where I asked for vodka and tonic and a vermouth, ‘Punt e Mes’ in this case. This was translated by a lad, with eyes like a doe caught in the headlights, to the matriarch, bespectacled with lenses like beer-bottles, who proceeded to reel off “Una gin e tonica e uno punt e mes”.

“No, no” says I, “Vodka e tonica”.

“Ah, si, GIN, vodka e tonica!” says she.

After two more attempts to get her to recognise sentences that don’t have the word ‘gin’ in them, and seeing I was getting nowhere, I replied, “Si, ma senza gin” – yes, but without gin.

Miraculously, we got what we ordered.

We did rather rashly book the hotel’s own restaurant for our last night there, in our usual “push out the gondola” gesture, only to discover that some of the starters alone were priced at €23. Strangely enough, I was struck down with a rare disease of the wallet and had to cancel.

EATING OUT

Now that we’re on the subject, Venice can knock a (very) big hole in your pocket money. On Valentine’s Night, we had a ‘special’ dinner at the Antico Martini, which was a tiny stone’s throw round the corner. It was divine in quality, but then at about €195 (£138) for two, I guess it should have been.

That’s not say that Venice is a rip-off, and indeed the above meal wasn’t either. It’s just that you need to budget a large proportion of your spending money, or eat pizza and other delicious ‘bread-based snacks’ all the time.

These can be very GOOD value for money and a large lunchtime pizza at Bar Accademia, right by the Canal Grande at Ponte Accademia (a bridge) only costs €6.50 including tax and service. Other snacks which can be taken on the hoof, include a flat-bread rolled around various filling for about €2.50 (even on the quayside by the Rialto Bridge), described as ‘involtini’. ‘Tramezzini’ are really the closest to an ordinary 3-cornered ‘sarnie’ that you can get, and then of course there’s ‘panini’, ‘ciabatta’ and so on.

Personally, I’d avoid the Touristic Menus – these tend to be just one cut above cafes that have photos of the food outside, and to be honest, there’s no need. It’s not as if we’ve never heard of some of the dishes before, spaghetti or lasagne, for instance.

One local delight in the world of desserts is a boozy little number called ‘sgrappino’. This innocent looking partly-molten lemon sorbet, also has vodka and the local ‘prosecco’ sparkling wine to turn it into a ‘dipso’s Slush Puppy – “Lush Puppy”?’.

Mmmmm, right tasty that!

DOING THE KULCHER BIT – Or “WHO LET THE DOGE OUT?”

I’m not big on this myself, as my remarks about Florence may have hinted, but I have to admit that Venice has the lot; palaces, churches, classic architecture, museums, and all in a uniquely-stunning World Heritage setting.

First things first, let’s list what we DID see.

PIAZZA SAN MARCO – well, it’s difficult to miss really, since we tended to walk across it every day. On three sides it has the feel of Madrid’s Plaza Mayor, but the open end gives a stunning view of the famous Campanile (bell-tower), visible for miles out to sea, the multi-domed Basilica and the Doge’s Palace, or Palazzo Ducale to give it its proper name.

The piazza is also well known for being flooded at times of ‘acqua alta’ (high water) – more of Venice In Peril later.

Next to the Doge’s Palace, as you stand with your back to the quayside, is the old jail where Casanova was imprisoned amongst others, and which is linked to the Palace by the famous Ponte Dei Sospiri (Bridge of Sighs), over which many an unfortunate left one building to be spending many years, if not for ever, in the next.

The Doge (or at least one of them) introduced the charming process of snitching on your neighbours, by installing a posting box for such anonymous messages (and you thought that was Stalin’s idea). Quite a good way of getting rid of competitors if you’re only the second best baker in town, I’d have thought.

UP THE ARSENALE!

The Arsenale, are the old shipyard areas built during the golden years of Venice’s power as a sea-going nation in its own right. Forts in far flung places like Cyprus and Crete are silent witness to its sphere of influence. As an introduction to Venetian history, a visit to the Museo Storico Navale (Historical Naval Museum) at only €1.77 could be the best value for money you’ll find in Venice. Here you’ll find exhibits ranging from models of the old shipyards to more modern items like the 2-man chariot submarines that were used with damaging effect by the Italian Navy during the blockade of Malta during the Second World War.

You’ll also find the last privately-owned gondola, donated in 1979 following the death of millionairess, Peggy Guggenheim, who made Venice her last home.

FEBRUARY = GUGGENHEIM

Last year it was in New York, and the February before that it was Bilbao. Yes folks, I’ve become a Guggenheim junkie. The Venetian manifestation is actually centred around the house and grounds of the late heiress herself. Personally, I think the place is ruined compared to the photos, take in the 60’s when she was living there. There’s hardly a hint of the fact that it used to be someone’s house, being all matt white and spot lights these days.

I’m more inclined to learn about the previous owner, than to look at modern art in a sterile environment. Anyone who, when asked “Remind me Peggy, how many husbands did you have?” replies “Mine, or other people’s?” needs looking into!

She also predated Elton John and Dame Edna in the Crazy Glasses category by several years!

IT’S GLASS ISLAND FOR YOU MY LAD!

Most people may well have heard of Venetian glass, it being famous for it. Venice’s glassworks are now situated on the much smaller island of Murano, which is only a couple of miles off the shore of the main city islands, and is reachable by ‘vaporetto’ – the ‘little steamer’. An odd name for something that’s been diesel-powered for years, but a water-bus, nonetheless – still, it’s like us when we insist on calling trains a ‘choo-choo or puffer’ I guess.

This insular position is explained by the need to keep all factories with naked flames away from the city centre. Even today, apart from the hydrant system, there’s very little they could do in the event of a major conflagration, other than helicopter-in the fire-fighters to the nearest ‘campo’ or ‘piazza’, unless there’s a handy canal right next to your fire!

BTW, if you find any instances of ‘pizza’ when it should say ‘piazza’, blame Word; it keeps correcting the spelling, and not being a touch typist, I may have been looking down at the time!

Plan A - Not being one for the lure of prestige shopping combined with factory tours (with the inevitable hard-sell), we opted to go to Murano to the Glass Museum instead. After years of travel, I’ve lost count of the glassblowing/brewing/distillation/oriental carpet demonstrations I’ve witnessed, each one assuming that I know nothing of the process.

Plan B – Of course when you arrive at the said museum to see the fateful words ‘Chiuso Mercoledì’ – (Closed Wednesdays) enscribed on the door, you need a back-up plan.

This involved me standing outside glass shops, although I did retrieve some use from the visit by buying my daughter’s birthday present whilst there.

Still, Murano comes as a pleasant change from car-less city life. Here you have car-less village life instead, as a tranquil canal flows right through the middle of it.

After a very pleasant lunch, we hopped the next vaporetto back to San Marco, passing Il Cimitero (the cemetery island and ‘dead-centre’ of the lagoon – geddit?).

IS IT ME, OR IS THE TIDE GETTING HIGHER?

Venice has a problem – its very existence is in peril, though not necessarily all to do with global warming. True, sea levels are set to rise, except anywhere near The White House apparently*, but Venice’s more pressing problem is that it is sinking under its own weight. Having been built on a foundation of millions of pine tree trunks hundreds of years ago, it is now succumbing to gravity at a rate of 1 mm per year. Not a lot, but when it was built to be close to the water level anyway, exceedingly worrying for all concerned.

(*Ooooh, li’l bit o’ politics there, as Ben Elton might once have said)

Various schemes have been put forward including a Thames-style tidal barrage, but this upsets the environmentalists and fishermen alike. A compromise now seems favourite, which slows the tidal influx to the lagoon, so much so, that the real tide starts to go out again before it was ever fully in. Of course, if they didn’t keep on reclaiming parts of the lagoon for airport runways, the tide might have somewhere to go.

Other schemes are afoot, one of which is obvious – ‘Don’t Make Waves’ being the latest bandwagon being jumped upon by all the gondolieri with vigour. After all, if you churn the water up with speed-boats, their own passengers get wet and don’t come back.

If you churn up the water during a spring tide, you flood the Piazza di San Marco more quickly than Mother Nature it can do by herself.

For two out of the five days we were there, they were embarking on a programme of civil disobedience by failing to get out of the way at the narrowest point on the Grand Canal, at the Rialto Bridge. The police boats just sat back and made sure there were no accidents. The vaporetti just turned round and went the other way, with the same shrug and lack of information you get from London Buses when they get ‘turned’.

GETTING AROUND

Unlike the two American ladies I was next to, just off a cruise liner, one of whom turned to the other and said ‘have you seen any cars yet?’, I WAS excepting a life-aquatic.

To be honest, the vaporetti are a bit of a let down. Sure, it’s fun to use boats instead of buses, but they are limited by an obvious point. The city of Venice is an island split by the meandering Grand Canal. Therefore, all routes are limited to circumnavigations of the entire island or semi-circumnavigations via the Canal. Sure, you can also pop over to the Lido or Murano, but a ‘network’ in the accepted sense it isn’t, despite the Underground style maps.

We made the slight mistake of lashing out in advance on a 7-day Venice Card costing €80 each. OK, €20 was taken up with airport transfers, and we DID use the vaporetto service several times, there’s no way we got another €60 of use from the tickets, even at €3.50 per single (there’s no 5-day option). The child discount isn’t exactly generous either. Of course, the ticket is also good for discounts to various museums etc, (and free entry to paying public toilets!), but unfortunately, not the museums we visited.

I suppose if you were there for the full 7 days, and intent on ‘doing it all’, the Venice card could pay for itself. It’s also very convenient just to be able to get straight onto boats – they give you a ski-lift style neck-strap and pouch for your ticket, which makes it very visible to conductors. You book it online, pick up your tickets at the airport, by producing your e-mail confirmation, and get it franked with its first date of use

You COULD use water taxis if you really wanted – I have to admit that they look superb with their 1930’s styling and their mahogany decking all varnished. You can just imagine speeding along the Côte D’Azur with neck-scarf flying. It follows that they are expensive, an airport transfer costing around €70, but of course, if there’s a large group of you, it could be a stylish alternative to putt-putt-putting along in a water bus.

A Gondola is NOT really a means of transport, as they tend to return you from whence you came, and they are VERY expensive, especially for just one or two people, at around €70 per hour, negotiable. The exceptions are the Traghetti, the ferries that ply the Grand Canal from bank to bank, saving you a not-inconsiderable walk to one of its only three bridges. These are ‘utility gondolas’, without the fancy figurehead and cushions. Whilst they do supply a useful service, be advised that the vaporetti also criss-cross the canal, rather than stopping on the same bank all the time, so you can also use these for a (diagonal) canal crossing.

Thanks to its labyrinth of streets, you’ll also be doing a LOT of walking. The pavements aren’t especially uneven, but absorbent soles are advised since they use the same knobbly granite that we use for kerb-stones as their paving slabs. After a while, this does feel tough on the old ‘barking dogs’.

They say that the best way to get to know Venice is to get lost – after all, you’re on a small island, where else can you go? I’d partly agree with this, but Venice has a lot of streets and alleyways that just end abruptly at the Grand Canal, and others. This can lead to a lot of about-faces and retraced steps. The problem is; there just isn’t much quayside, or promenade, to help you get your bearings. Notable exceptions are the ‘famous bit’ along the front of Piazza San Marco all along to the eastern end, some near the Rialto Bridge and the northern Fundamente Nuove. You certainly can’t just walk all the way around. The closest you come is to zig-zag to keep near to the edge without always seeing it.

You need some decent street maps, as some of the smaller scale ones barely have room to get the street name in, and the abbreviations used may be alien to you.

Signs with directions to ‘Rialto’, San Marco’ etc are easy enough to spot but prone to the trail going cold with no warning.

SOME GENERAL CONCLUSIONS

Venice is in danger, not just from the sea, but from dying a living death, as its locals leave in search of a ‘better offer’ elsewhere. This in turn means that so many of its local shops are now ‘glassware’ outlets, shops selling carnival masks or Louis Vuitton boutiques. You can still see real people going about their everyday life, especially along the Via Garibaldi, with its proper fruit stalls and butcher’s shops, but they are fast becoming a rare breed.

Strangely enough, property didn’t look too expensive compared to UK standards – I saw some 2-bedroom apartments at around £160,000. Of course, whether you’d get a mortgage with the worst case of ‘rising damp’ we’ve yet to see, is another matter!

This drift away leaves Venice practically dead at night, and this is the first time I’ve slept better on holiday than I have at home.

The February weather was kind to us – the recent chilly but fine weather we’ve had in London was replicated in Venice, perhaps one or two degrees C higher though.

This also kept down the instances of nasty niffs often associated with Venice

I know where I’d rather have been at half term, and home it wasn’t!
 

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